The woman who killed me

As we lay here, basking in the bittersweet aroma of steamy, passionate, intense hard love making, the burning wood from the fire...cigarettes, combined with her favorite perfume of musk and gardenias...

We stare deeply into each other’s eyes, drunk from booze and desire, piercing the very being of our souls...

Comfortable in the juices of a warm salted wet ocean...she says to me “I can’t do this, I simply cannot go on this way”. I looked upon her confused, I asked her what is making her feel this way? She kissed me tenderly, hung her head down with anguish written on her gorgeous face, and drifted off to sleep. When I awakened in the morning...she was gone. She had got away from me in the twilight hours of the day. I immediately couldn’t breathe.

I looked around the room in dispair, everything was gone. Just gone. It felt like my heart was suffering from multiple open heart surgeries, but I was awake during the procedure. That is how great the torment of her absence affected me. I knew she would leave, I new I couldn’t keep hurting her, I knew my time was up. I saw it in her eyes...I felt it in her touch...but couldn’t come to terms with it.

*3 months later*

I tried my best to move forward. I threw myself into my career, had meaningless affairs, went to therapy & even tried a few love spells. I recently inherited a total of 20,000 from gambling, so I stupidly spent my winnings on that, which was a complete waste. I know, crazy right? Tell me about it. But I was mad with passion at the mere sight of her face. It didn’t stop me from thinking of her everyday, every hour, every minute. My thoughts were consumed with her. I was obsessed. She left her phone behind, so there was no way of communicating with her.

I tried my best to gather myself, my thoughts, my feelings...I was devastated but I continued on with my life. I booked a flight to Las Vegas for the weekend, wanting to take my mind off of her...I threw myself in a few hands of poker, flirting, drinking away the night sitting at the poker table with a royal flush...

Yeah man...I knew this was it. I knew this was the BIG WIN!!!

“So you’re just gonna take ALL my money huh”?

“Pardon me”?

“I don’t believe I have a speech impediment Mr., I was pretty clear. I’m Valencia by the way, and you are?

“Drunk & $20,000 richer, I laughed”.

“A pleasure to meet you Valencia”.

Valencia was sexy...alluring. She smelled of patchouli & lavender...she had lust written all over her. From her arched eyebrows to her perfectly manicured toes. She wore a black lace dress with a black bra & red panties...

Yes red panties, Which turned me on because they weren’t black. Red and silver peep toe heels, & her body was incredible...yet I still thought of my love.

We played a few other games, talked, laughed & before I knew it, we were in my hotel room. We couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. Passionate kissing, touching...I threw her on the bed & engulfed her.

Afterwards, I just lay there staring blankly into the ceiling, totally regretting this. I didn’t want this woman, I want my beloved. My heart is so heavy...

“So...what are you thinking about? You sexy hunk you”?

“Valencia, this was a mistake. You need to go”..

“Oh really? So that’s it? A mistake?

“I’m sorry”

The woman went crazy. She started yelling, throwing glasses, shoes...I didn’t even care. I just wanted her out. I know it was wrong, but I needed relief. My heart needed a break. I thought Valencia would take my mind off of her for good, but sadly she didn’t. Valencia stormed out the door & I remained. Staring blankly at the ceiling...

As I arrived back Monday, I decided to just take the day off. My mind couldn’t deal with work right now, so I went to “our” place. Just an open field full of nature. Grass, the warm sun, butterflies & singing birds...this was our favorite place.

As I strolled barefoot through the dewy pasture, I saw her. There she was. I lit up like a child in a toy store. The amount of bliss that I felt was indescribable. This was kismet. This day, this second, this minute...this hour. I couldn’t believe it.

I drew near her. She looked at me with those piercing dark eyes, ran to me & whispered..”I knew you’d come”. As happy as I was rage simultaneously filled within me. I yelled, why did you leave me! You broke me! I spent money that I luckily won from gambling, drinking myself into a stupor, trying to forget you...how could you cause me so much pain?

She walked ahead & said “I couldn’t take your lifestyle” the multiple women, gambling, drinking, the agony of not having you to myself, the continuous thought of you with another...drove me to insanity. I had to leave you.

I tried to explain to her that it was my purpose in life, to build a legacy, to build a nation, to build a foundation but she didn’t understand. She told me how deeply she loves me, and always will...she drank from the tall wine glass & softly said “I’ll see you next time”...

I shouted her name. I shouted no. I cried endlessly. I picked her up, laid her by the bed of gardenias & held her. I couldn’t fathom what was happening. Will she come back? Did my beloved leave me for good? I was totally, utterly and profoundly devastated. I couldn’t live without her.

*present day*

I love this place babe!!! It’s so beautiful here!!! Do you smell those gardenias???

*takes in smell*

Mmmmmmmm... This is the best picnic I’ve ever had. That was an eerie story though...where’d you find that little black notebook? I was looking for my lucky coin. You know I have to have it when we get married in Vegas this weekend & as I was searching for it I stumbled upon this black notebook, so I thought cool, why not read it to you, lol.

What stood out the most to me is what the man wrote at the end, “If you find this & read it, beware. As it will open up emotions you’re not ready for. Please read with caution”. Do you think that’s for real babe?

I don’t know, but it was very intense. He did write about how he actually wasted $20,000. That’s such a coincidence though...being that we’re ACTUALLY going to Vegas this weekend. Maybe we’ll win that big, but what’s bugging me is the “read with caution”...

My fiancée & I looked at each other with fear & concern...his gaze was completely black...he stared deeply into my eyes & said...”I can’t do this...I simply cannot go on this way” & ran off into the sunset.