The woman who killed me...

The woman who killed me...

As we lay here, basking in the bittersweet aroma of steamy, passionate, intense hard love making, the burning wood from the fire...cigarettes, combined with her favorite perfume of musk and gardenias...

We stare deeply into each other’s eyes, drunk from booze and desire, piercing the very being of our souls...Comfortable in the juices of a warm salted wet ocean...she says to me “I can’t do this, I simply cannot go on this way”. I looked upon her confused, I asked her what is making her feel this way? She kissed me tenderly, hung her head down with anguish written on her gorgeous face, and drifted off to sleep. When I awakened in the morning...she was gone. She had got away from me in the twilight hours of the day. I immediately couldn’t breathe.

I looked around the room in dispair, everything was gone. Just gone. It felt like my heart was suffering from multiple open heart surgeries, but I was awake during the procedure. That is how great the torment of her absence affected me. I knew she would leave, I new I couldn’t keep hurting her, I knew my time was up. I saw it in her eyes...I felt it in her touch...but couldn’t come to terms with it.

*3 months later*

I tried my best to move forward. I threw myself into my career, had meaningless affairs, went to therapy & even tried a few love spells. I recently inherited a total of 20,000 from gambling, so I stupidly spent my winnings on that, which was a complete waste. I know, crazy right? Tell me about it. But I was mad with passion at the mere sight of her face. It didn’t stop me from thinking of her everyday, every hour, every minute. My thoughts were consumed with her. I was obsessed. She left her phone behind, so there was no way of communicating with her.

One day I took the day off just to seek some solace and a peace of mind. Just an open field full of nature. Grass, the warm sun, butterflies & singing birds...this was our favorite place. As I strolled barefoot through the dewy pasture, I saw her. There she was. I lit up like a child in a toy store. The amount of bliss that I felt was indescribable.

I drew near her. She looked at me with those piercing dark eyes, ran to me & whispered...”I knew you’d come”. As happy as I was rage simultaneously filled within me. I yelled, why did you leave me! You broke me! I spent 20,000 of my winnings from money that I luckily won from gambling, trying to forget you...how could you cause me so much pain?

She walked ahead & said “I couldn’t take your lifestyle” the multiple women, the agony of not having you to myself, the continuous thought of you with another...drove me to insanity. I had to leave you. I tried to explain to her that it was my purpose in life, to build a legacy, to build a nation, to build a foundation but she didn’t understand. She swallowed a handful of poisonous berries & said I’ll see you next time.

I shouted her name. I shouted no. I cried endlessly. I picked up her lifeless body, laid her by the bed of gardenias & held her. I couldn’t fathom she was gone. She’d left me for good. I was totally & utterly, profoundly devastated. I couldn’t live without her.

*1 year later*

I love this place babe!!! It’s so beautiful here!!! Do you smell those gardenias??? This is the best picnic I’ve ever had. That was a eerie story though...where’d you find that little black book? Oh I lost my lucky coin & as I was searching for it I stumbled upon this black notebook, so I thought shit, why not read it to you, lol.

What stood out the most to me is what the man wrote at the end, “If you find this & read it, beware. As it will open up emotions you’re not ready for. Please read with caution”. Do you think that’s for real babe? I don’t know, but it was very intense. He did write about how he actually won & spent 20,000 in therapy, women & love spells, & to “read with caution”...

My fiancée & I looked at each other with fear & concern...his gaze was completely black...he stared deeply into my eyes & said...”I can’t do this...I simply cannot go on this way” & ran off into the sunset.