The Ultimate Guide to Relationships

Love, relationship, and sex can be confusing in many ways — not only because of the complex chemistry that’s involved, but also because there are so many different types of love to figure out in the first place. What’s the difference between love and lust? How do you know if you’re in love or just want to be loved? How can you tell if your relationship will last or if it’s doomed to fail? There are questions we all want answers to, but finding them isn’t always easy.

You can keep that feeling of falling in love and a healthy romantic relationship by following the advice below. 

1. How to fall in love

2. Why do relationships fail?

3. How to make your relationship last forever?

4. How to Improve Your Understanding of Your Partner

5. Break up with this Person

6. Long Distance Relationship Survival Tip

7. Tips for Getting Back Together With Your Ex

1. How to fall in love

Finding a life partner may appear difficult, but for many people, it isn't. We've all known someone who spent hours crafting the perfect online dating profile, constantly updating their photos, and perhaps even writing out a list of top qualities desired in a mate.

If you do a quick internet search for "how to fall in love," you'll find thousands of articles full of advice. There are suggestions for where to look, what to wear, and how to flirt. There are texting gimmicks and ways to be irresistible to the object of your affection. To be blunt, those articles will not get you anywhere in terms of finding love. The truth is that there is no guidebook for falling in love. We realize it's inconvenient.

Part of this is because falling in love usually has little to do with another person and much more to do with you. Nicole Ward, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Woman's Day, "I talk a lot about radiating love from the inside out." "Falling in love is all about being in touch with who you are and being gentle with yourself," Ward says, adding that it's easy to forget that love looks and feels different at different stages of life. So, what worked for you in your adolescence may not work for you in your thirties—and that's fine.

The benefit of reconnecting with yourself is that it does not limit your ability to receive love from others. It also opens the door to self-love. According to Ward, someone who accepts themselves for who they are is more open to accepting love into their lives.

However, if you need some assistance digging deep, have some tips for checking in with yourself so that you're ready to receive love. Click here

2. Why do relationships fail?

There are numerous reasons why relationships fail to last. Relationships fail due to a lack of trust, poor communication, a lack of respect, a difference in priorities, and a lack of intimacy.

I discuss why each of these factors may lead to the end of a relationship.

Trust Deficit

A sense of security is one of the fundamental emotions required in a healthy relationship. You may lose trust if you lack emotional support or find your partner untrustworthy.

There is cause for concern if your partner is evasive or difficult to pin down. Mistrust-based relationships are on shaky ground.

Lying

Assume you discovered your partner lied to you. Lies can have devastating consequences. Was it a white lie or a lie told to protect the liar? White lies are frequently minor or insignificant, whereas true lies have far-reaching consequences.

Possessiveness

If you're in a relationship with someone who is overly possessive, ask yourself, "Does this seem healthy?" Is your partner isolating you from your friends or constantly monitoring you?

These are not indications that someone trusts you. Remind yourself that this is not the definition of a healthy relationship.

Jealousy

In small doses, jealousy can be healthy and a sign that you're not taking each other for granted. However, if someone is overly possessive and appears to be suffering from pathological jealousy, these are red flags.

Infidelity

If you suspect your partner is unfaithful, you may feel as if the foundation of your relationship has been destroyed. You may no longer have faith in this person. Is it even possible that they are not who you thought they were?

Relationships marked by a lack of trust as well as lying, jealousy, and infidelity are unlikely to last.

( How to Restore Trust in Your Marriage )

Ineffective Communication

If you're only talking about the kids' schedules or the weekend chore list, your communication has devolved into a transaction. Healthy communication should cover a wide range of topics.

It's fine to disagree, even if you communicate well. Conflicts are unavoidable, but with effective communication skills, they can be managed. Empathy, understanding, and active listening should pervade communication. Unfortunately, many couples struggle to communicate in this manner.

It is actually preferable for couples to express their frustrations and work through them rather than not argue at all.

One recent study examined a demand-withdraw communication style among couples. When one partner demands or nags about something, the other person avoids the confrontation and pulls away.

The study discovered that as financial distress increased, so did this demand/withdrawal style. Furthermore, it was linked to lower marital satisfaction. What was surprising, however, was this intriguing finding: couples who displayed signs of gratitude and appreciation were able to overcome this communication problem.

Although it may seem counterintuitive, when a couple boasts that they never argue, it is not a good sign. It frequently reflects the fact that both people avoid conflict. They'd rather not upset the status quo or bring up difficult topics.

A lack of respect

Couples frequently disagree on a variety of issues, but financial issues are frequently a source of contention. Perhaps one is a spender and the other is a saver. The issue isn't so much that they have opposing views on spending and saving as it is about how they handle money discussions.

As a result, it is critical to determine how one treats the other during a disagreement over money or any other issue. Is your partner polite? Do they make light of it? Or does your partner make fun of you, roll their eyes, and treat you with contempt? These are indications of a lack of regard for one another.

According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist and expert on marriage stability and divorce probability, contempt is the most destructive force in relationships, according to Dr. John Gottman. He also claims that contempt is the leading predictor of divorce.( How to save our Marriage )

If your partner mocks you, sneers at you, or becomes hostile towards you, this is a sign of disgust. This lack of affection and respect can irreparably damage a relationship.

A study finds that divorce conflict strains both mental and physical health.

A Disagreement in Priorities

If you discover that someone you're dating or have been with for a while has vastly different relationship desires or life goals than you, your relationship may start to fall apart.

Different Relationship Purposes

You may have different priorities for the relationship itself at times. A recently widowed person, for example, may want to book a fun getaway trip with you after a month of dating and maintain a no-strings-attached relationship. On the other hand, you might be ready to introduce your love to your family during the upcoming holidays and embark on a more serious path.

Various Life Responsibilities

Perhaps you have opposing long-term goals for the future. If you haven't taken the time to discuss it, it can be upsetting to discover that your partner's dreams and goals differ from yours.

For example, you might want to continue pursuing an ambitious career in the city for another five years. Meanwhile, your partner is planning to settle down and start a family in the suburbs next year.

Your relationship will suffer if you are unable to compromise or happily pursue one path.

( Why is he not chasing you or obsessing you any more? )

Different goals do not always spell the end of a relationship. It's possible, for example, that your goals will influence those of the person you're with.

A recent study published in the Journals of Gerontology investigated the interdependence of goals within couples. 3 The study, which included 450 couples, discovered that partners do influence one another when it comes to goals over the long term. This could be a defense mechanism to keep the relationship stable.

However, relying on influencing each other as a solution is not a viable option. This isn't a good match if one of you wants kids and the other doesn't, or if one of you wants to be a digital nomad while the other wants to stay in his childhood neighborhood until they're old and gray. There could be a better match out there for you.

Insufficient Sex and Intimacy

Oxytocin is also known as the "love hormone" or "cuddle chemical." When we hug, touch, kiss, or show affection to another person, our bodies produce the hormone oxytocin. Increased oxytocin levels are also linked to lower levels of stress and feelings of happiness.

Relationships frequently deteriorate when couples do not touch much, and this lack of touch is exacerbated by communicating in a non-intimate and close manner.

When your partner is uninterested in sex, relationships can become strained. Mismatched sexual desires, along with other factors, can erode a relationship and eventually contribute to a breakup.

Relationships rely heavily on sex. A recent study found that the average adult has sex once a week. 4 There are numerous advantages to having sex more frequently. There are emotional, psychological, and physical advantages.

3. How to make your relationship last forever?

It is difficult to keep your primary relationship healthy, positive, supportive, and together. But it is possible.

We expect a lot from our relationships, and the fact is, long-term marriages or relationships are difficult to sustain, given the pressures most of us live with.

Here are Seven ideas for improving your relationship with your partner.

Practice forgiving others.

When a loved one does something hurtful, it is natural to feel resentment, anger, and blame. However, without forgiveness, minor annoyances and betrayals can tear a relationship apart.

"People who don't forgive frequently struggle to maintain positive feelings toward their partners," Ms. Maisch says. However, partners who move toward forgiveness are better able to keep their connection because they make a conscious decision not to dwell on their partner's mistakes.

Be reasonable.

Every long-term relationship will experience disappointments. However, learning to see your partner objectively and lovingly beyond a particular bad patch can help you get through it.

"Remembering and nurturing memories of happy times you've had together can help you get past irritation and those times when you're unsure whether you want to stay in the relationship," Ms. Maisch says.

Create rituals.

The way you and your partner say goodbye or hello, or how you celebrate birthdays or anniversaries year after year, can help build a strong bond that can keep you emotionally committed during times of conflict.

For example, taking the time to kiss your partner goodbye every morning before leaving for work, no matter how late or distracted you are, communicates to him or her that your relationship is a high priority in the grand scheme of things.

Actively listening

"Jumping in and interrupting when your partner is trying to tell you something can frustrate or discourage him or her," says Ms. Maisch. "When having a serious discussion, it's critical to listen more than you speak."

Be truthful.

Secrets and lies undermine any relationship's foundation. Ignoring problems (which is another way of keeping secrets) does not make them go away. What matters is that you communicate your feelings and dreams in a respectful and open manner.

Fight fairly.

Even the closest of friends and the most compatible partners can disagree. Set some respectful ground rules during a calm moment to keep your disagreements from destroying your relationship.

No name-calling or criticizing; ensuring that everyone has a chance to speak; truly listening to each other; and taking a break from the discussion if it becomes too heated, as long as you promise to return to the issues within a day or two.

If you're stuck, seek assistance.

Seek help from a therapist or marriage counselor if you and your partner keep having the same arguments with no progress in sight.

Above all, don't wait until your connection is severely damaged before seeking assistance. Seek counseling ( How to Save Our Marriage/Relationship ) before either of you becomes engulfed in negative emotions.

( Why is he not chasing you or obsessing you any more? )

4. How to Improve Your Understanding of Your Partner.

Everyone wants to be seen, heard, and understood. This is especially important for our partners. We want our partners to respond with, "Yes, I am listening." Yes, I understand. Yes, I recognize your anguish. I'm sorry it hurts, and I'm here to help. We want our partners to be interested and concerned about what is going on in our hearts.

The desire to be seen, heard, and understood is a basic human need.

In fact, one of the most common problems is that they don't feel this from their partners, despite the fact that it's powerful and essential for healthy relationships. Feeling seen, heard, and understood leads to deeper intimacy and relational growth. When we don't have this, we feel rejected and as if we don't matter.

There is a widespread (but incorrect) belief that understanding our partners requires us to agree with them. But, you can totally disagree," and understanding simply means paying close attention to our partners. It entails paying attention to what they're saying. It means telling your partner, "I think I understand you." But let me check: What you're saying is... It means continuing with this process until your partner no longer needs to clarify their point of view because they know you understand it. " Even if you disagree, you understand."

Be completely present.

You don't need to do anything when your partner is talking. You don't have to try to fix or improve the situation. "Your sole purpose is to be another being with whom your partner can share their human experience."

First, acknowledge

Seek to understand first, then to be understood. Avoid formulating responses while listening to your partner. This only prevents you from fully digesting what they're saying and hinders true comprehension. "When your partner feels understood, they will naturally reciprocate with curiosity about what you think and feel, giving you an opportunity to share your point of view."

Avoid complaining and being defensive.

"[Defensiveness and complaints] are toxic relationship patterns that prevent you from truly connecting intimately. It communicates with our partner.

So the trick here is to take some responsibility, even if it's a small iota, a weensy tidbit — 'I can see your point, I did say that I would...I need to.' It's also helpful to communicate your feelings and needs to your partner. ( The Man Chasing you.)

Take care of your own stuff.

It's difficult to manage all the stuff that bubbles up and gets in the way of simply listening when you have a ton of feelings and needs prickling at you, so understanding our partners also involves understanding ourselves.

That is why it is critical to slow down and connect with your own feelings and needs. When you need to be honest with your partner, say something like, "I want to understand you, but I need to sit with myself first. Can you give me time? " That will make your partner feel better than not being understood. "

Pay attention to your bodily sensations to tune in to your feelings and needs. This allows you to identify what's going on inside of you so you can share it with your partner. For example, you might ask yourself, "Does the hair on the back of your neck or arms prickle up? Is your heart racing? Do you have a hot flush? Can you mindfully slow your breathing? What do you require to feel more relaxed, soothed, and secure? "

Understanding our partners necessitates our patience. It necessitates a pause in which we do not interrupt our partner or begin formulating responses in our minds. It necessitates that we devote our full attention to them. This isn't an easy task. It also takes practice. But it also gives our partners a lovely gift: the gift of being recognized for who they are and what they require.

( Why is he not chasing you or obsessing you any more? )

5. Break up with this Person.

Breakups are never fun, whether you're the one who is being broken up with or the one who is ending a relationship. Unfortunately, love isn't always enough to keep a relationship going, and you may need to break up with someone you truly love from time to time. However, ending a relationship is rarely easy or straightforward.

Here are nine suggestions for a healthy breakup with someone you care about.

1. Before you leave, give it your all.

Actively attempting to improve the relationship, such as working on breaking unhealthy habits or attempting couples therapy, before you end it permanently can help you avoid "could haves" and "should haves" that you may dwell on later. "Knowing that you tried everything to improve the relationship and it didn't work will help you heal faster."

2. Recognize that it will be painful.

There's no need to sugarcoat it: breakups are painful, and it's perfectly normal to experience pain during this time. While this is frightening, it should not cause you to reconsider your decision to end your relationship. "Breaking up with someone you love is probably the most difficult decision you will ever make; you may feel as though you are literally pulling a piece of your heart out."

3. Know your "why" and stick to your ground.

Having a clear reason (or reasons) why the relationship must end can help you stand firm during the breakup process. You'll be better prepared if your partner tries to persuade you to change your mind.

Maintain your strength and remember why the relationship isn't working for you. Rather than allowing emotion to take over, focus on the logical side of your brain.

4. Do not attempt to become friends right away.

Taking time apart and cutting contact temporarily can help you heal after a breakup. It's okay if you and your ex don't become friends right away. Attempting to enter into a friendship right away will be confusing and painful. Friendship is possible in the future, but only after both parties have processed the breakup and moved on.

Furthermore, if you truly want the friendship to last, you should ensure that you want to be friends for the right reasons and I discovered that people who wanted to stay friends with their ex for security or practical reasons were more likely to have positive friendship outcomes than those who wanted to stay friends because of unresolved romantic desires.

5. Establish boundaries with your ex.

Set reasonable boundaries with your ex, especially if you can't cut contact or take time away from them, such as if you're still on a lease together or need to co-parent.

You might want to set boundaries around certain topics of conversation, for example. Both parties will be hurt, but it is not appropriate to share how much it hurts. Similarly, sharing the ins and outs of your new single life is unhealthy. This can lead to more hurt feelings or slipping back into the comfort of the relationship, even if you know it's unhealthy.

( Why is he not chasing you or obsessing you any more? )

6.Avoid being stalked on social media.

It can be very tempting and all too easy to succumb to stalking your ex on various social media platforms, but this will almost certainly cause more harm than good. According to a 2012 study, "Facebook Surveillance" of an ex is associated with increased distress and negative emotions surrounding the breakup, as well as increased sexual desire and longing for the ex.

7. Don't rush into a new relationship.

If you rush into a new relationship after a breakup, you won't give yourself enough time to process your feelings. "There's a time and a place to move on," says DeRosa, "but it's not when you're still in your feelings about your breakup." There is no magic number for how many weeks or months you should wait before starting a new relationship, but you should feel emotionally healed and like you've fully processed the breakup.

8. Spend time with your friends and family.

It's ok to spend some time alone, but relying on your other loved ones will help you get through the breakup. As you go through the healing process, having better support and surrounding yourself with friends and family will help you move on.

9. If you require professional assistance, seek it.

Breakups are some life changes, and it's natural for your mental health to suffer during this trying time. However, if you're having far more bad days than good, you should consider seeing a therapist.

6. Long Distance Relationship Survival Tip.

If you've found someone with whom you connect and love, you probably don't want to end your relationship just because you don't live in the same city. Even if you only see each other a few times a month, you can still have a healthy, satisfying relationship (or even a year). Still, being in a long-distance relationship requires effort, and you must take steps to ensure that you and your partner feel connected even when you are not physically together.

1.Take Out the Phone.

"It's critical to stay connected in a long-distance relationship." "Because so much can be lost in translation via text, talking on the phone and Face Timing is the best way to stay connected," Patel said. It's tempting to go through the day relying on texts and not picking up the phone, but don't do it. Make time for in-depth conversations where you can hear and see each other's voices and faces.

2. Morning and evening conversations.

Doing a check-in in the mornings and before going to bed is also very important. This way, you feel like we are connected at the start and end of your days. " That way, even if you aren't physically together, you can still feel like you are a part of each other's lives. "

In a long-distance relationship, the mornings and nights can be the loneliest times of the day because that is when you would typically be alone together. "Also, so much can happen emotionally to us in a day, so having those check-ins can feel emotionally supportive. Having that emotional support also very shows the strength of the relationship."

3. Visit each other at your respective residences.

It can be wanting to plan fun, exciting trips to see each other if you're in a long-distance relationship. It may feel more practical to meet in the middle of the two places you live. But make sure you visit each other where you live as well. Having trips to see each other where you live is essential so that each person can see how the day-to-day works for the other.

4. Check-in on Each Other's Emotions.

Demonstrate your concern and willingness to be there through it all. Ask questions like, "How can I help you?" What do you require the most from me right now? What are your thoughts? " These questions allow the person who is still feeling disconnected to reflect on and share what is truly at the heart of their feelings and thoughts. " It demonstrates concern for the person asking and gives insight on what is most needed to return to connection and love."

( Why is he not chasing you or obsessing you any more? )

5. Surprise one another with gifts.

When you aren't physically together, it's crucial to express your attention in novel ways. For example, if you know she loves flowers, send them to her. If you know he is sick, bring food for them, and they feel like you are there caring for them.

6. Do Not Resist Sexting.

Finding a time that is convenient for both of you to participate in these activities is crucial. Sexting or exchanging sexual text may seem like something that only young, newlywed couples do, but it may be a terrific way to keep the flame lit.

7. If something seems off, discuss it.

Ask what has changed and what is different, and you might also have to ask if there is someone else if you feel like there might be. If anything has changed in the relationship, it's crucial to start questioning whether you are both on the same page and whether it's time to call it quits. Embrace your gut feelings.

8. Prioritize each other.

Long-distance relationships require effort, so both partners must make time for one another a priority. " When one person stops selecting the other, it is no longer worthwhile.

It's crucial to speak things out if someone starts to remove themselves, refuses to commit to plans, or starts to withdraw. Both parties must have a sense of priority in whatever methods they find satisfying.

9. Keeping in Mind the Moments.

Whatever method you use to connect can be effective. For instance, a FaceTime conversation can be just as significant as a dinner date because the other person is physically present. Try to be present in the moment matter how it comes together. It's effective because a long-distance relationship makes you appreciate and enjoy every moment much more. Whether you are connecting in person or digitally, that is true.

7. Tips for Getting Back Together With Your Ex.

No matter how long or short a relationship may have been, it is frequently hard to let go after meeting someone and knowing about their likes, dislikes, and annoying little peculiarities.

Whether you choose to end your relationship or your partner's "we need to talk" text sets the process in motion, there are instances where breaking up with an ex might feel like a permanent solution for what may have only been a momentary setback. In these situations, the motivations for reconciling often seem to exceed the factors that initially motivated a breakup.

Be confident that you're doing so for all the proper reasons before thinking about how to get back with a former lover,

We'll examine various motivators for seeing your ex again with different approaches you might use to win them back.

Motives for Reuniting With an Ex.

There are more important reasons to think about before you decide to pursue a previous love interest than the butterflies in your stomach or how much you miss them after a long day at work.

The Relationship Can Be Flexible

Sometimes, nothing allows for a new perspective on a relationship. Leaving your spouse behind can allow you to consider the situation more critically: were we hasty in calling things off? Would having open discussions improve the situation? There was still so much love in the relationship. Did we toss things away?

Realizing that your relationship can be restored with time, effort, and some difficult emotions to let go of is frequently a sign that you should give your ex another chance

Relationships restore a place of trust.

Because trust is the cornerstone of happy relationships, it might be hard to stay in a relationship with a partner who has hurt you deeply when they betray your trust or keep telling you the truth.

However, there may be a chance to revive the relationship in situations where their sincere remorse for the breach of trust and doors exist with your partner to have an open dialogue about why said breach occurred. Of course, this is by a future commitment and openness.

You're both prepared to put in the effort to reunite.

More than one individual must be involved in a relationship. Because of this, even though you might be eager and willing to resume a relationship with an ex, they must share your perspective.

You can take the necessary steps to put your relationship back on track once you and your ex-spouse agree to try living together again.

How to Get Your Ex Back.

Making the same mistakes that caused the relationship to end the first time around is the last thing you want to do after deciding to start dating your ex again. Significant effort must be made to avoid this when rekindling the love and feelings we formerly shared. Here are some precautionary measures you might take to reconcile with your ex.

Consider the Alternatives to What Has Taken Place.

You should spend some time reflecting on the relationship while you're away from your ex, paying particular attention to any issues that may have been handled differently or better. Use this time, to be honest with yourself about any possible role you played in the breakdown of your relationship. It's also time to reflect carefully on your relationship with your partner and what worked and didn't. It is crucial to think about how the relationship can be saved at this time.

Contact your ex and discuss your relationship.

You should use your newfound clarity, to be honest with your ex after looking more closely and taking responsibility for any part you may have played in terminating your relationship.

If they'd be willing to talk openly about your connection, give them a call and ask. Share the new information you have about what led to the split with them if they're receptive to it, and ask for their feedback to find out whether they feel the same way.

When it comes to major issues that have strained your relationship, listen to any alternative solutions they may have, but always make sure you're on the same page or have reached a reasonable compromise.

Instead of debating who was right or wrong at this point, think about what might have made a difference to get a happy result. To lighten the mood, talk about your relationship's more enjoyable moments.

You ought to be able to infer from your chat where they might stand on reconciliation.

Give it a try first.

Generally speaking, taking things slowly is the way to go when trying to get back with your ex. It's usually wise to wait a while before getting back in the relationship saddle if they decide to take it for another spin.

Watch how few disputes are settled in this new phase as both parties give each other time to get back into the swing of things. Take the time to make sure that this isn't just a rash, impassioned decision by observing how readily the modifications you agreed upon are executed. Make sure a connection that has been resurrected can withstand future trials.

It could be best to keep the status of your relationship hidden throughout this trial period. This entails being cautious while announcing your reconciliation to loved ones or sharing it on social media.

Re-entering the relationship gradually.

It could be appropriate to ease back into the public swing of things after a period of reflection, group talks, and a test run.

The second chapter of your relationship should emphasize continuing to respect your partner's feelings, deciding to manage arguments with love, and coming to healthy compromises to preserve the partnership.

( Why is he not chasing you or obsessing you any more? )

A Message From Very well

When there is still a great deal of love and respect between former partners, the end of a relationship can be excruciatingly painful.

The good news is that even when a relationship has ended, the appropriate circumstances may allow you to give your ex-partner another chance.

You may put your relationship back on track by taking the time to reflect, being open with your ex, and figuring out what didn't work and what should have been in place in the relationship.