The Start of Something

Do you ever have thoughts that feel like they are not your own?

I do. They tend to run rampant through my mind. The funny thing is though, that place is a mess. How the hell do these imposter thoughts just – run? My brain has got to be one of the most scattered and war-torn places, a disaster zone. Maybe that’s why? They run from the catastrophe. An adaptation per se. But if they can run… Then why can’t I?

A Not so Hum-Drum Conundrum

"This is the beginning...This is when I turn myself around again… Right?"

I swear this is a conversation that every human being has had with themselves at some point in their life. The thing is, even in 2022 – the “mental health matters” era – people still can’t or just won’t, talk about it. Just ask your friend John from high school or Karen in the office if they have faced this widespread dilemma. What do you think they would tell you? Would Karen – your best work friend – tell you about when she lost her mom in a car accident and she had to pick herself up from a cocaine addiction? No, probably not. Do you think that John would tell you about when his wife left him with his two-year-old daughter after he lost his job when his depression got really bad? No, probably not. With that being said, not everyone just airs their “dirty laundry” for everyone else to see. The thing is though… This is NOT dirty laundry. It is just the uncomfortable truth about being human.

This is why I will share my story.

Honestly though... I have no clue where to start. So I think it’s best if I start with today.

April. 26, 2022

My stomach grumbles, but I can not eat. No, it’s not because I have no food. Nor is it because I am lazy. Today my stomach is just not happy... Again. Yay... Chronic illness...

It is days like today when all I am able to do is drink water.

Juice? Nope, it burns. Coffee? Nope, it nauseates me. So, water it is. I am always hopeful that if I drink enough water, I might just hydrate my body enough so it no longer wants to vomit. So far, this has not worked today, but at least I’m hydrated.

Hydration doesn't drown out the thoughts though...

And those don’t like me much today either. I want to change my life but, I lack the competence needed to do so. This is what started my writing frenzy in the first place. I know what needs to change, but how? Stay tuned and you'll get a first-class seat on a ride that'll take you to the deep dark depths of my mind.

All aboard the "crazy" train.

What the fuck is "normal" anyway...?

It is nothing but a setting on your kitchen and laundry room appliances. The word "normal" has no place when describing human behaviours...

A N X I E T Y is normal. But, if you are anxious you should take a pill.

D E P R E S S I O N is normal. But, if you are depressed you are broken.

R E J E C T I O N is normal. But, if you are rejected you are worthless.

G R I E F is normal. But, if you take a while to grieve then you should just move on already.

A N G E R is normal. But, if you are angry you should just calm down.

Welcome to the abnormal; your perception of reality.

In the search for normality, you lose all senses of reality. Follow me, we can find a little piece of heaven if we can find peace of mind.