The Special Place

Clara had become accustomed to being alone. As a young woman, living in a large city by herself seemed like an impossible task at first but she had come a long way. City living had never been her dream, she always wanted to travel the world, but she did it for a boy that she loved. Even though he was no longer around, she still felt inclined to stay. However, lately, she started to wonder if there was more to life than simply existing on her own.

​It was a gloomy day and Clara was growing tired of looking out her small apartment at the vast grayness of the sky, the buildings and the sidewalk. Sitting in her little nook tucked into the furthest corner of her apartment facing the street was typically where you could find her doing her favorite activity, people watching. On a typical day, she would happily sit in her forest green velvet armchair eyeing all the tiny figures going about their day. Unfortunately, today, she wasn’t feeling up to it. A sigh huffed out of her mouth, slightly fogging the window in front of her. After several minutes she looked at herself in the reflection and decided she had been in the apartment too long and needed some air… and maybe some food too. She quickly threw on her coat and made her way into the early Spring afternoon.

​Outside was cold and unforgiving, a shiver ripped down her spine as she stepped out of the building. Burying her face in the coat, she started moving quickly in the direction of her favorite pizza place. Even though it was only a five-minute walk, it felt like an eternity in that brisk afternoon. Just as she was starting to lose feeling in her nose, she reached her destination. It was a hole in the wall type of restaurant, small and dingy but she loved it anyway. The bell rang as she stepped inside and the warm air greeted her frozen cheeks. She smiled at the familiar face of the older gentleman who ran the counter and put down a few dollars. He nodded in acknowledgement and fired up the two pepperoni slices that she always ordered. This arrangement had been going on for some time and she appreciated being able to skip the small talk. She wandered to the back of the restaurant to grab a seat at her favorite booth near the window. Just as it popped into her vision, she noticed a woman standing by it, gathering her belongings. It appeared she was about to leave so Clara parked herself at the old Pacman machine up front and tried to look busy.

The stranger eventually walked by Clara on her way out, she was wearing a light blue knitted hat that was pulled down covering her eyes and a matching scarf that nearly bundled up her entire face with just the tip of her small red nose sticking out. The hat covered almost of all her hair except for the few golden strands peeking out the sides. Clara watched as the stranger made her way out to the street, just as it was just starting to rain. Turning her attention back to the booth, she noticed her pipping hot pizzas already waiting on the table waiting for her. After devouring her meal in just a few minutes, she realized that she was hungrier than she originally thought. Feeling very full and a little sleepy she closed her eyes for a moment to rest.

By the time opened her eyes again, the sky was dark and the place was starting to close. Clara could feel the redness flushing her cheeks from embarrassment as she awakened from her food coma. She grabbed her coat sitting next to her in the booth and stood up to put it on. As she slid her coat across the seat, there was a small thud that came from underneath the table. She bent over to inspect the source of the sound and noticed a small black notebook laying on the floor. Upon opening it, she discovered the book had a few pages filled out in the very beginning in very small yet neat handwriting,

“Dear Journal, this is my first time doing this so I’m having some trouble on where to start. I feel like so much has changed so quickly and I must admit that I’m having trouble adapting. People keep telling me that these things take time and I understand that, its not like I wasn’t expecting it, I just hoped it wouldn’t have happened this soon. I feel lost and scattered… and afraid. I’m told this exercise will help and things will get better. For my own sake, I really hope it does. -Steph”

The words caught Clara by surprise, she didn’t mean to read someone’s private thoughts, but she couldn’t stop herself once she started. She looked at the signed name again, “-Steph,” was it the woman from earlier? Turning over the notebook in her hands, she pondered what to do. Part of her felt like she should leave it where she found it or give it to the counter for safe keeping but a deeper part was begging her not to abandon it. She tucked the book underneath her coat and made her way back home.

Upon returning to the apartment, Clara eagerly took the book out to continue reading. Although she felt some guilt, she couldn’t help but feel drawn to the writer and curious over what was causing her so much pain. To alleviate some of the weight of her poor decision, she decided to get up early the next morning and return it to the pizzeria.

“Dear Journal, it’s been a few days since I’ve written because I haven’t been getting out of the house much. I find my daily tasks pointless and it’s been harder to get out of bed in the mornings. I try my best to keep myself working and distracted but I can’t help this hollow feeling. This house is too big and empty now, I would rather be anywhere else, but I don’t have the energy to leave. Still waiting for it to get better. -Steph”

The sad words resonated deeply and Clara could feel her heart sink in her chest, it hit a little too close to home. She decided she had enough and put the book down to retire for the night. Her alarm was primed to wake her up much earlier than she cared to, but she felt a responsibility to the book and more importantly, to Steph.

​The alarm went off abruptly as it was intended and Clara jerked awake. Mornings were not her favorite, but she was on a mission, she quickly got ready and headed out the door with the book in hand. The clouds had broken up since the previous day and allowed some hints of sky to peak through, the rain had also stopped and the once frigid air had been replaced by a cool spring breeze. Clara arrived at the restaurant just as it opened. Out of obligation she ordered a coffee and a pastry and sat down at her booth. The original plan had been to drop the notebook off but as she sat there, something told her to wait. After staring at the closed notebook for a while, the curiosity started to well up yet again. It would be risky to read the book knowing Steph could come in at any time but Clara figured she would most likely see Steph before she entered the pizzeria so she wasn’t too worried. She flicked open the notebook and continued the next entry,

“Dear Journal, I’ve decided to get out of the house today and go somewhere special. It’s been a few weeks and I’m tired of laying around waiting for nothing. Things are not better yet but for the first time in a while, I finally feel like they can be. -Steph”

Involuntarily, a smile spread across Clara’s face, she was happy to hear that things had began looking up for Steph and quickly moved on to the following page.

“Dear Journal, this is my first time writing twice in one day. I thought it might be therapeutic to come to a place we used to love but it broke my heart all over again. I don’t know how I’m supposed to go on without her, I’ve never felt so alone.”

Clara’s smile quickly turned into a grimace and she felt a sting through her heart. A familiar sadness washed over her as she looked over the final entry and she found herself reminiscing on her own heartbreak. Just then, a small voice spoke to her, “Is that my notebook?”

Clara stopped dead in her tracks, her veins ran cold and the familiar rush of red hot embarrassment flooded her face, “Oh, I’m so sorry.” Clara handed the little black notebook to the woman standing in front of her with the blue knitted hat. Steph’s face was no longer covered by the scarf and she was staring down at Clara looking slightly mortified, her round cheeks pink and her brown eyes wide. After a moment she answered, “It’s okay, it was my fault for leaving it.” Clara watched as Steph looked sadly at the book in her hands and sat down on the other side of the booth.

“It’s definitely none of my business, but if you want to talk to someone, I’m listening.” Clara said earnestly.

Steph kept her gaze on the notebook, “I lost my grandmother last month, she was the only family I had left. My therapist suggested this journal to help get my feelings out but I don’t feel any better. We used to love coming here when I was young and I was trying to relive that but it’s not the same without her.” Her voice cracked and tears began to run down her cheeks. Clara instinctively reached out and held her hand.

“I’m so sorry for your loss.” Clara paused a moment before continuing, “My fiancé and I moved here last year to start our lives together. He was driving to work one day when he was hit by another car head on, he didn’t make it.” Steph looked up at Clara as the tears started streaming down her face too.

“What are we supposed to do now?” Steph asked quietly.

“We go on...” Clara wiped her tears, “I don’t think we have to do it alone though.” She smiled sweetly at Steph.

The women sat for hours talking and crying and laughing, it was the first time in a while that both were able to speak truthfully and feel heard. Later on, Steph stood up to use the bathroom, “I can’t thank you enough for this, I need to repay you somehow.”

Clara chuckled and waved her off, “You don’t owe me anything, just keep in touch and don’t be a stranger.” When she returned, they decided it was time to say goodbye. Steph pulled Clara in for a tight hug and held her for a moment before heading in their opposite directions. Clara returned to her small, empty apartment once more and as she removed her coat, she felt something in her pocket. It was a folded-up piece of notebook paper that read,

“Dear Friend, thank you for making things better. I hope this helps. -Steph” Clara opened the small folded check that was tucked into the paper, it was for $20,000.

Weeks later, Clara found herself at the airport clutching her ticket for Europe. She boarded the plane, both excited and full of hope for this new adventure. As she settled into her seat, she began her favorite hobby and watched all the people boarding the plane. Eventually her gaze fell upon a woman that looked back at her and smiled, she was wearing a light blue knitted hat