The Science of Repressed Anger

I think we all have lost count on the times we’ve heard:

“Don’t be too emotional.”

”Calm down, you don’t want to embarrass yourself.”

”Be the bigger person.”

Women are trained to just swallow their rage before we can even put a name to it. We’re told to be agreeable, forgiving, and endlessly patient. But science (and lived through experience) tells a different story: repressed anger doesn’t disappear. It festers. It boils. It mutates.

And eventually…it explodes.

The Biology of Bottled Up Rage

When you hold in anger, your body doesn’t simply forget about it. Instead, it activates your stress response system. Cortisol (the stress hormone) floods your body. Your heart rate then begins to spike. Your blood pressure climbs. Over time, this chronic stress has been linked to:

Increased risk of heart disease

Weakened immune system

Higher rates of depression and anxiety

In other words, being the “good girl” comes at a cost. Unfortunately, that cost is your health.

A 2023 study in Psychology Science found that people who consistently suppress emotions experience fewer social connections and greater psychological distress. Suppression doesn’t just mute our anger—it silences our ability to connect authentically.

What Soft Rage Looks Like

Not all rage is loud. Soft rage is the silent storm that brews underneath:

Smiling through gritted teeth at work when a coworker takes credit for your idea.

Nodding in agreement when your partner dismisses your feelings.

Saying “it’s fine” when your body is screaming that it is not.

Soft rage won’t have you slamming doors or shouting at the rooftop. It slowly simmers, which is why it can be a dangerous thing. It won’t announce itself until it has already planted a root within you.

Why Women Carry It Differently

Men are often expected (even encouraged…but that’s for another time) to express anger. Women, on the other hand, are punished for it. Society labels us “dramatic”, “biter”, or just plain “angry” if we dare to raise our voices. We adjust, and we bury.

But here’s the truth that they won’t speak about: anger is data. It signals when our boundaries are crossed, when our needs are not being met, or when something is unjust. Ignoring those emotions is like ignoring an ongoing smoke alarm. The fire won’t go away just because you pretend it isn’t there.

Healing Without Silencing Yourself

So, how can you heal rage without erasing it?

Name It: Rather than saying, “I’m fine,” try “I feel overlooked and that makes me upset.”

Move It: Rage is energy. Try somatic release (shaking, running, dancing, or even screaming).

Write It: Journaling helps untangle the knots of suppressed emotion. Write unfiltered, then burn or shred the pages if needed. It isn’t necessary (sometimes I like to be able to look back at my progress from old entries).

Say It Small: You don’t have to be confrontational to be vocal. Practice micro-boundaries like “I need a moment to respond,” or “That didn’t sit right with me.”

Healing doesn’t mean be passive—It means transforming your rage into something purposeful, rather than being self-destructive.

Repressed anger isn’t weakness, either. It’s survival in a society that told us to stay small. But silence is a heavy price to pay for peace, wouldn’t you agree? Your rage is proof that you still care, and that your body refuses to be ignored. That you are alive.

Let’s talk:

What’s one way you’ve hidden your rage this week? Drop it in the comments, I promise you’re not alone. I’ve held in some rage myself.

Soft Rage Society isn’t just another newsletter or series of articles—it’s a space where women can be honest about their anger, healing, and power. I am building a community where we don’t have to shrink ourselves . This is about more than just words, it‘s about connection as well. Subscribe, share, and step into a growing circle of women who refuse to silence themselves.