The "REAWAKENING"

He is forty one years old. And, me?

Well, I am a rose starting to fade. Or so I thought. There are heartfelt tears in my eyes, trying to write this little tale about feelings and the unexpected, thrilling, miraculous, unexpected, mind numbing, pulse throbbing, ecstasy awaiting and anticipated joy that I felt offering him an innocent embrace of consolation and friendship.

The world stopped spinning in that moment, and everything became new. The faded rose had been reborn.

We both crossed a threshold from which there could be no turning back.

I am Mr. Rochester and he is Jane. He is Mr. Rochester and I am Jane. It get's confusing. We switched between roles. He is hopelessly unhappy in his present circumstances, and needed the sweet release that a willing and comradely shoulder could offer.

We reached across to fondly embrace.

And now there is a fire raging in my bosom. The human fetal blueprint, it is initially female, much to the chagrin of the male species. It is said that men start out as female before their sex is decided, so our dual bosoms are now interlaced in a myriad of colorful feelings, burnings and yearnings.

Yet now, here we are, throbbing and aching for each other, yet we cannot act upon it. A few stolen embraces are all we are allowed.

Still. It is as if I have inadvertently inhaled a part of the universe that was not intended to be mine. I feel goddess-like. I feel akin to the divine. That a part of me is beyond myself, and I am finally the being that I was created to be.

I found ME!

In one unintended embrace!

Strange. He feels the same way. We hold each other for long moments, and bask in the glow of the infinite possibilities of a friendship suddenly transcended into a oneness unexpected. An understanding of each other that does not need words or action, just the act of embracing each other brings fire and ice converging into a crescendo that we are not yet free to explore.

Jane Eyre. My favorite book. I feel your passion Jane. I would not have missed this experience for the whole world. It is everything.

It is life changing. The colors of life are more sublime (of such excellence, grandeur or beauty as to inspire great admiration or awe). Like the flavors of 'Mozart's sublime piano concertos', I am at peace and one with the universe.

Yet, the converse is also true, these feelings can converge and translate to the devil insinuating him or herself on your shoulder and playing havoc with your mind, distorting reality and driving you to the brink of insanity. Nudging you to throw caution to the wind and indulge your basest fantasies, whatever comes in the aftermath will be dealt with later.

What a sweet and delightful conundrum.

We all go through life in a form of stupor. Like automatons programmed to work, eat, sleep, indulge in carnal acts and fantasies.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Life entreaties us to reach out and grab the bull by the proverbial horns or remain, stay on the level of whatever plateau our brains allow us to thrive and exist in. I have lived my life in a vacuum. Born to parents of little means. Large family, parents not having enough time to nurture us individually. I was traumatized by life. Still am in some ways.

I literally lifted myself up by my bootstrings. Always trying to find the one who completed me. But, then I realized that one has to find oneself before one can find the other half of that self. A very lucky few find the right balance and the compatible other being to complete the ying and yang connection.

The fact that I am the nerdy type did not help my circumstances. No one understood me. How could they?. I did not even understand myself. My insane love of comic books, Sherlock Holmes and everything detective, consumed me. I read everything interesting, as mentioned before, I adored Jane and Mr. Rochester. How could you possibly not love someone whom you can hear calling you across the time and space of earth. Truly mind altering.

My siblings were not happy that I neglected my chores to hide away and read. I still neglect everything and get caught up in a great book. It is intoxicating.

Life's passions are intoxicating.

I cared about someone that way once Jane, I can hear the call over a distance. I can still hear it, though narcissus presented himself and the heartstrings loosened it's intense grip. So sad, but true. He assured me that I only needed to love myself and no one else matters. He no longer matters to me. Much.

Others must matter. What else is there to life.

So here I am, a reconstituted flower, finding a new path to happiness and reevaluating the next phase of my new found joy in life.

No matter where this new chapter takes me, I will savor the delicious taste of a glimpse of divinity. Feeling all powerful and untouchable. Immortal, ready to conquer all.

Again, strange that one tiny moment in time opens up a whole new world of wonderment, sights, sounds and sensibilities to explore on a totally new level.

It matters not where you are on your life's journey, that moment when everything changes your perspective and opens up your mind to a whole new dimension of shades and colors, and renews the senses is fleeting.

Be prepared to grasp it, nurture and embrace it and never let it elude you, it may never pass your way again.

And yet we've only just begun to live. So many promises.