The pandemic has really upset the balance between couples over the last year

Ever since the pandemic started, I’ve been hearing people complain about having “too much time” with their spouse, and yearning to go back to the office. And I’ve heard the same people talk about how their workload has doubled, with meetings going on past midnight.

Which led me to ask — If you’re working into the wee hours of the night, how do you have any time for your spouse at all? And how are you complaining about too much time with them?

Relationships are a balance between good times and bad times

Having obsessively introspected my way through ten years with my partner, I’ve noticed a pattern. How I feel about my relationship at any point in time is a function of how many good and bad moments have occurred recently.

When the date nights and weekend getaways are averaging out the arguments about household chores, things are generally at peace when you zoom out. When the positives are in majority, I feel warm and fuzzy about him and extremely grateful. When the conflicts have been higher for a while… Well, you’ve been there.

The pandemic has upset this balance in many households.

Why people are complaining about too much time with their partners

Before the quarantine, there were plenty of activities that couples did on autopilot. These activities kept making deposits into the piggy bank of good times. Some of these activities were:

• Commuting to and from work together
• Having dinner together after getting home from work
• Going on dates when the weekend arrives
• Traveling

These pockets of time used to have quality time built into them by design and made sure that the bad times didn’t outweigh the good. Ever since the quarantine started, these activities have been replaced by work, increased household chores, work, kids needing attention, work, excessive Netflix bingeing, and I feel like I’m missing something else. Oh yes, work.

People aren’t spending quality time with their partners anymore. But they still have all the old arguments they used to have, if not more.

The equilibrium has been disturbed. This is why people are complaining about their partners so much right now.

What you can do to bring the balance back

It’s time to be a glass-half-full kind of person. Yes, being around your partner all the time will mean more fights. But being around your partner all the time also means you get more opportunities to do the things you used to enjoy. It’s important to be intentional about building a schedule that incorporates all the things you enjoy together.

Here are a few ideas:

Eat at least one meal together every day

Even if you don’t do anything else on this list, do this one alone. Mealtimes are solid opportunities for quality time. People used to at least have breakfast or dinner together when we were all still commuting to work. Now, all meals are in front of the laptop, shoving food in while listening to a pointless meeting with a muted microphone.

Reclaim your mealtimes. At least one meal a day to start with. When you’re eating, you don’t need to use your brain or make decisions. You’re more likely to give yourself a break and switch off from work while eating. Even if you’re just making lazy talk about the weather, it’s good enough. Sharing lazy time with your partner is a great way to bring the closeness back.

Go for walks together

If you stay in a green neighborhood, or you have a good park nearby that isn’t crowded, make half an hour a day for a walk with your partner. Besides the obvious benefits like fresh air and exercise, you also build some quality time into your schedule. My partner and I love going on walks with our pup and watching her sniff the life out of every single leaf on the ground.

Share a part of your evening ritual

I’ve found that it’s great to have an evening switch-off ritual that’s done together as a couple. Letting another person into your switch-off ritual ensures that you switch off for real. My partner and I like to ask each other “How was your day?” and spend a few minutes talking about it. It seems simple and insignificant, but it really does give you an amazing perspective. It helps take you out of your own head and makes your own problems seem smaller.

Cook an exotic dish together

I’ll be honest, we do this very rarely. But whenever we do, we really enjoy it. It always makes for a funny kitchen story to tell our friends.

I know a couple that got so good at cooking during the pandemic that they now make restaurant-level food. And hearing them talk about their techniques and experiences really tells me how much they enjoy the journey together.

Go for a drive

This is the safest date option in the current circumstances. And it’s a great one! Two hours of good music and good conversation. As a bonus, keep both cell phones in the back seat so that nobody checks their messages. Drives are a staple for us, and we’ve been addicted to them for years. We have about four or five different highways around us that are great options. Sometimes, it almost feels like traveling again.

When you think about it, you’ve always had time for these things. You ate dinner together before. And on the weekends, instead of going to a bar, you’d be going for a drive or on a walk. What are some other things that you used to do together last year? Try and build those things back into your schedule.

Having your partner around all the time can be a great thing. You’ve just got to design your days the way you want them to be!