The nothing of everything

THE NOTHING OF EVERYTHING!

Something to consider ALEXAAAA! remind me to "fax a copy of the denSO"!!!

Ouch!! I stubbed my toe and to add to that the hot water is out! And not just out ! However, out at a time when it's truly needed the most. Hmmm, just another typical Monday why not realize that my toe wanted to meet the edge of the nightstand this morning only to deceive me throughout the day and hopefully not during the night.

Things could be worse if I weren't already in the house freezing due to the hot water 15 minutes ago. I can't understand all at once! all at the same time! all in my comforting safe zone! frantically rushing to get out the door, it never fails that once out you may always have to turn around to grab your keys and make another return because you forgot your mask.

On most days i would often wonder what if i could gather life without difficult happenings ever so often, it all slumps into one huge fear of not ever getting to know the world, wondering if the next person would be another wrong turn in this life of love, friendships, and disasters?

Welp, none of that matters right about now because i'm just in time to miss my morning's bus! I'm assuming since breakfast was skipped this morning, i am obviously in some way supposed to stop by the corner store anyway for a coffee, seeing as to how their delicious dark roast always makes the morning run a bit more on track.

"Mokrellwio" grab the bucket! What was the disaster that ran out of the door with their dignity on this beautiful knowledgeable morning lol!?

oh yeah, it's Monday again i quickly remind myself with a quick-self chuckle while also struggling to avoid eye contact with Mokrellwio who was looking at the customers with wide eyes as if that were to explain the entire incident and scene. Bello just stocked fresh coffee everything! I could absolutely not stir up one complaint. With a smile on my face, i reached down to grab at absolutely nothing! "WHAT"!! They must of forgot to put the cup's sleeve holders on the delivery truck this morning, which would assist the reason for the manager's loud phone conversation explaining why Mokrellwio was called to "grab the bucket," seems a customer got upset and kicked the bucket into a store shelf causing dirty mop water to splash and contaminate the fresh bakery goods from this mornings delivery also on the floor appearing as a donut dunking pool chips and candy mix. Seems the customer didn't feel like juggling his hot coffee free-hand heater either. Poor Old Man Paw, always having issues with most of the people in the neighborhood, i guess you could say most of the time he has a way of making people feel low and unimportant. Seems like every day for him is Monday.

I always tip my head like in the old western flicks, when its my turn to approach the counter. The Old Paw is a daily jean's kinda guy so i make sure to get a few good laughs in between the two of us before every exit. Another quick visit but this time with half of a tilt of a head due to the rush of being late for work." Top of the Am POW"! i laugh, Paw gives the usual silent smile and head nod because he always takes about seven seconds to complete this gesture. today i could only stay around for about three seconds of it before i threw a $5 tip in the jar, i always get my coffee for free, Paw's only charges customers 75 cents, i would only take about four gulps before i trash the greatness but Paw has a great heart, and i never mind supporting his hard work.

Gotta go! time to run for it as i speed through all the farewells possible.

Too hot to hold but too great to not handle! I could understand how they could have forgotten the holders, they must have been thinking of it being so cold out! They that they felt everyone should have the chance to hold the cup of coffee with a built-in, free, temporary cup heater. In the midst of me juggling my coffee between both hands while now running for the next bus!

I have now become incredibly warm and toasty all inside and with the thought of getting a little running in it doesn't help with the fact that i now huge coffee spill on my new jacket, i just received while running really helped out with that, as it began to soak even beyond my new designer coat, i could now see that! The top was never on tight enough.

Hmmm, seems as though i'm the only one looking for this bus, as i wobbled to a seat as the bus began to move i drifted and began to wonder if people on my regular scheduled bus wondered where i was this morning? Sitting back, sinking into my seat i couldn't believe i had actually made it on time to find one waiting just for me. It should be a shame(i laugh to myself) with all this abruption i praise the idea of a seat waiting just for me, hunh! it must be meant, i lean back look at my shirt, and sigh.

Yet the day has only just begun!.

Whining eyes with a deep, sharp feel of the know. Out of what seemed to be the shadows, directly in front of me in which i did not at all notice, a man emerged from that shadow and began to speak aloud "THE MAIN UNDERSTANDING IS THAT WE NEVER ROB OURSELVES OF LOVE AND SELF KNOWLEDGE WITH LOVE"! Every eye became attentive to his presence with great anticipation for all of his next words he was to speak. Usually, a driver would not allow such noise to disturb the passengers but it seemed as if the driver understood that everyone on the bus needed to hear the words that were with no choice now meeting their very ears. We had also all taken notice as to how this man spoke with a biblical tongue in which we had only read about.

He went on again to say "WE GIVE OUR GREATEST GIFTS TO THE WORLD AN LEAVE NOTHING FOR OURSELF! WE WERE TAUGHT FROM BIRTH TO GIVE, RUSH, AND SHARE. NEVER WERE WE EVER ACTUALLY TAUGHT TO FOCUS WITHIN AND BE SELFISH WITH GIVING TOO MUCH SELF, WE THEN CREATE A DANGEROUS REALITY AND OFFSET FUTURE FOR OURSELVES." I UNDERSTAND YOU, EVERY DAY! YET YOU DO NOT HEAR YOU.

HEAR ME."

The man then took his seat and placed a blanket over his head in hopes to once again disappear from the passengers and re-emerge back into the shadows of wahlah magic! We were now all deep in though, thought of themselves, life, all choices, and seeming to now wonder why and where they were going? and again why they were going? i couldn't help but to wonder if he is his own example? is this a confession speech? But then i remembered that during my disastrous morning at home, i had taken a moment to decide if i had also been doing everything to please myself ? just before i had yelled for Alexa to set a reminder to send a fax, Just before i stubbed my toe on the nightstand as a result of rushing. Not just the pain i had felt in that moment that went away, only to return in a much more powerful way to show me what a stranger to whom i could not tell to take his seat and be silent could say. It never sparked my attention except for within that very moment, it was never about me nor the desires of my own heart, it had all become so clear, very clear that i am and have in fact always been a true thief! And that i have always been the true criminal in my very own life, it had nothing to do with others, the blame was a fault all of my own.

Suddenly A stomach crunching, tight twisted feeling crept in and settled. The urge to rush to remain uncomfortable is the mistake as to now set no limits to my happiness is what he meant? he must see everyone, every morning and understand that they are tired with happenings, exhausted with movement, and weary in life. Must be what he meant! His life looks harsh, hard, and roughly unwanted, yet he speaks to the soul of the broken and lost.

He displayed a heart of stern love, yet he did not cause anyone to cry, however, his words cut deeply, and it would become and remain the highlight of the ride for everyone this morning. At that moment we now had to figure out how this man was of knowledge and wise words could tell us to rise when we see him as beneath the standards of happiness.

However, no matter what, he was right! Every Monday i follow the same routine of unhappiness and the "just have to schedule, "yet, this morning just before disabling myself i was beginning to focus on myself and the why? the reason i want and desire more from life, i never do anything different and or for myself, i spent all this morning beating myself up with unwanted happenings and disappointments! Had i not missed my daily morning bus i would have not been in that great moment to hear the life-changing words from a stranger to whom i would have never asked for advice in any life situation at all, had possibly changed my life and ways entirely without even knowing, or was it possible that he in fact did know to be there? and why hadn't he spoken before? Why did he wait until i was on board? my mind continued to race also back to my toe at the same time during all of this confusion.

The man remained under the blanket for the remainder of the ride, as the passengers also seemed to struggle to get back to a normal morning ride. After another long hour bus ride of my life i exit to find the wise man has the same stop, could i be the actual cause of all the noise he made? is his message for me? And mostly now why does his presence leave me so very lost and confused? I had now just figured it was due to his words as i realized i had to move on and stop staring at the man before he becomes confused. I headed to work.

"I DON'T CARE JUST GET IT DONE"! Were the words coming from the mouth of my boss, everyone seems to yell every time i walk through a door this morning and i hear them first loud and clear. Then it occurred to me even louder and even clearer than ever, i have the dread of not only Mondays but maybe the dreading habit-forming of negative thinking and for every action, there is a reaction especially when going against yourself and your own happiness in life and self-love.

I had never got on the late bus, always on time, but to where? and why? knowing that i always had the opportunity to continue with my own dreams and demands in life and today i had to be grateful i did that even unknowingly. The boss was upset and furious, everyone was sad and walking without words, no understanding as to what seemed to weigh in so heavy on their minds. "Hey Gen, have you heard,"? Yanda exhaled as she continued to drop her paperclips, struggling to calm down and explain the obviously devastating matter, "Jawganda is no longer and we are out! WHAT!? I expressed without thought of my voice level. Shaking her head as if she was not one of us, one of the ones that were out, she seemed happier to be telling me all the juicy details about our or my now former boss. lengi that it seemed she didnt realize what she was actually saying to me and herself.

I had to walk away.

I sat at my desk and thought about the man on the bus who actually also meant that with all the signs messages around me everyday sometimes they speak loud but we do not hear them until we are viewing what we do not like, care for, or do not want to see without a choice. I did not care to see that man but he changed my life because i heard him without choice and at first very uncomfortable as everyone else. i didn't have to quit because right along with Lengi we were all no more and done. I had been robbing myself of golden opportunities to live, when i hit my toe, it was only because within all that bliss of thinking of myself i had remembered to send a fax.

The water ran cold because i didn't have time to put in a request for it to be looked into, seems i was too busy writing the paper in which needed to be faxed. Maybe it was my keys and mask screaming at me when left behind to not go in today or ever again and to just free my mind to remain and live, to build upon my dreams at home or off into the world today and every day thereafter. The warm coffee now a nice stain, was probably trying to remind me of the warmth of being warm at home, so go back change and change. The missing cup holder, people being fed up would explain the rage which was followed by the disaster of the mop waste and now the disaster of our jobs being ruined before we could even allow our day to begin, we were considered no longer any good not even Leng was safe in the end, i guess he isn't truly following his dreams either. sometimes we do not see what is in front of our very eyes because we are looking into and only seeing the darkness, place yourself in the seat meant only for you, that has been waiting for the happenings to occur in your life so you may know and understand that very moment and on.

I had no choice but to walk away, you gain the nothing, when you give people your everything

NOW I HEAR ME!!!!