The Nail Hole Stays: Moving On When Forgiveness Feels Impossible

Someone once asked, "Would you forgive someone who has hurt you?"

A top-voted answer went something like this: "Even after a nail is pulled out, the wall is still left with a hole. So, I won't forgive, but I will try my best to stay away from that hole, not to think about it, not to touch it."

Some things, once they happen, have happened. There's no way to pretend they didn't.

Many people often tell us to be magnanimous, to be tolerant, to forgive. They say this is the way to quickly turn the page and restart our lives.

But nobody tells us how, when the pain is so deeply personal and real, we are supposed to learn magnanimity and tolerance.

Forgiveness isn't as simple as just saying the words.

What we can do is stop frequently looking back, stop replaying the hurt over and over in our minds.

The road ahead is meant to be walked. Only by moving forward can the place where we stumbled truly be left behind.

Life requires us to look forward. Only then can the suffering we've endured be transformed into strength.

There's a little story about this.

A master and his disciple were walking down a road when they encountered a dog. The disciple reached out to pet it, but the dog suddenly bit his hand.

Without a second thought, the disciple turned to chase the dog. The master quickly stopped him, asking, "What are you going to do?"

The disciple replied angrily, "I'm going to break its leg! See if it dares to bite people randomly again!"

The master shook his head. "Let's tend to your wound first."

Only then did the disciple notice his hand was bleeding profusely, the wound throbbing with pain.

In our own lives, we often make this same kind of mistake.

After being hurt, instead of immediately tending to our own pain, we rush to find the person who hurt us and settle the score.

Even after the wound has seemingly healed, instead of moving forward, we find ourselves inexplicably picking at the scab, looking at it again and again, thinking about it, getting angrier and more upset the more we dwell on it.

The past doesn't need us anymore. Constantly showing up for reruns only leaves us with sorrow.

The rabbit will never get the compensation it seeks from the lion. The fallen leaf will never receive an apology from the wind and rain.

You don't have to forgive the source of your pain. But you should try to distance yourself from it, and remember the lesson learned.

Not forgiving doesn't mean living forever in the shadows, unable to move on. It's about respecting the reality of your wound and your pain.

Distancing yourself and remembering is crucial because life is long, and people can be unpredictable .We need to learn from experience to protect ourselves from being repeatedly hurt.

Be kinder to yourself. Don't keep looking back at the painful past. Allow time to quietly help that wound blossom into a flower.

Take that step forward. Walk on. Whether you encounter wind and rain, or whether someone offers you an umbrella, move forward with courage and less worry.