The Money Curse

“Manifest, Manifest, Manifest!” I proclaimed, waving my arms like a crazy child. “I know yall think this manifestation stuff is a bit "whoo-whoo", but I believe this year we’re going to finally break through this financial barrier. This is the end of this generational curse of ‘No one in my family has ever done it, so it must be impossible.’ i don’t know about you but I have this strange feeling that we’re the ones. I mean, we’ve always loved the finer things and life, and our parents sacrifice a lot to give us a good life. It must be a good reason for it. You know mama’s favorite thing to say is “you had 80% of what you wanted and 100% of what you needed.”

“So what’s your point girl?”

Story of my life.

Ah, it’s no use they don’t listen to me anyway. I learned all this stuff about manifesting your dreams using your mind and no one ever seems to listen. I swear sometimes I just want to slap them with books so they would see things the way I do. I need to not get my energy all wrapped up in them like that. Is it so bad that I just want to pass on some of the greatest information I have ever known? I just want to show them the way. But honestly, I don’t even think I believe it's the way.

We grew up on the south side of Chicago in what I considered an upper poor class contrary to my sister’s belief that we were spoiled middle-class brats compared to everyone around us. That’s easy for her to say since she never heard “no” a day in her life, while it seemed like No was my middle name that everyone knew. Don’t get me wrong I appreciate all my parents gave us but the day we moved into my granny’s attic. That was the night my big brother was shot. He lived but joy began to die. My entire view of life changed. We lived in my grandparents’ homes (both sides) for most of my childhood. My parents were “interesting” people with interesting beliefs about money. My mom worked hard and my dad stressed way too much and they had a whole bunch of kids. 5 biologically and many others they took in. my parents also have hearts of light. I believe their service to the world was why we’ve been blessed through the years. When I became a pre-teen, we moved from my grandparent’s home into a rental that could fit us all. Things seemed nice It was nice though it wasn’t to last.

A cynical attitude towards life gradually increased. Things were usually ok except for my chronic low self-esteem and anxiety often triggered by my ongoing struggle with childhood obesity. I remember feeling alone and ashamed of who I was. Vulnerable to the insensitive opinions of honest children. To deal with my emotions I kept a diary. It came in handy until my grandmother violated my privacy. I was so mad at her. I stop keep diaries after that.

Money became an issue when it came to keeping up with the ever enticing trends of society. I was really into fashion but since I was overweight, my clothes were expensive and usually came from Ashley Stewart. They sold clothes for women my mom’s age and it never looked like anything my peers wore. When I think about it now I’m just grateful to even have clothes especially ones that fit. I just wanted better and I don’t think that’s so wrong. I refuse to believe that whatever force brought me here did so I could live a mediocre life, especially after all I've experienced. I believe I was meant to live an amazing life. So I’ve set out to prove to myself and others that I deserve more.

I’ve started watching all types of self-help videos on youtube. Many were amazing and had a central theme; universal law. It became a trending topic on my feed, and I was so intrigued, to date I have probably watch close to five thousand universal law videos. I was always most intrigued with the law of attraction and the law of vibration. The law of attraction says energy is drawn to the likeness of itself and the law of vibration in short says everything always moves. So I concluded if I could become an energetic match to my dreams I could achieve them by heading in that direction as I ever progressed in life.

It was really simple, to be honest. I just became rich in my mind and I knew eventually I would become rich in reality. I set an intention by repeating an affirmation and sitting in silence and bam! I’d be rich. Seemed super simple. But it wasn’t that. While saying the affirmation, I noticed that I feel terrible like I'm lying to myself. Sitting and meditating was literally like telling me to stop thinking as a chronic overthinker. It was like something was blocking and didn’t want me to succeed.

Ugh, here were again, knowing I could achieve something and still paralyzed by some irrational belief that I'm still going to fail. I sat there staring at the wall, not knowing what this meant for me. I was stuck in my mind about where to begin. All I knew was that I had a strong inner knowing that this was the year I would have my financial breakthrough. I just didn't know how it would happen. Maybe if I had a little black book to capture every motivational thought or stroke of inspiration in its prime, I could believe that I had what it takes to do this, or at least remember when I did believe it.

I decided to take a break and search for more answers. Turns out, I have some deeply rooted traumas that stem not only from childhood but generations of unhealed trauma. Yes, that’s right all the trauma from my bloodline that hasn't been addressed. Among these traumas were my own that I was aware of and some I had fortunately forgotten. When I discovered this I knew I would need more than one "I Am" affirmation and 30 mins to sit breathing.

It was time to call is the experts. I searched and found a lot of great information and tools. First of all, let me just implore you to invest in a good therapist and life coach. This can be virtual or in person. There are great apps that can link you with a therapist tailored to you. A therapist doesn’t mean your crazy, it means you care enough about your well-being to advocate for yourself. A life coach will help to set goals for yourself and achieve them. Think of them literally as your coaches in the game of life. Trust me we all need one. In this time I was discovering what patterns were blocking my success with universal and how to remove those blocks. It was and is an emotional journey so it is important to utilize these resources because shit gets real. With this support, success is inevitable.

As I begin to uncover and heal certain patterns, I awakened a sense of confidence. The affirmation began to work, and I started implementing other self-help procedures such as listening to audiobooks and using meditation apps to help me quiet my mind better. I learned to visualize my dreams and focus on my goals. But my favorite process was my long-lost friend, journaling. After the traumatizing incident with my grandmother, I had finally gained the courage to keep a diary again only this time I chose to call it a journal. The word just feels more gender-inclusive to me and separated from that past incident. It’s something about seeing my thoughts that brings clarity to my mind.

Through journaling, I have been able to focus my energy in the most potent ways without the shakiness of doubt being able to interfere. This is because of the definite characteristics of the written word. This is what the phrase “set in stone” is all about. When you write something intentionally, it sticks with you in ways that you wouldn’t believe. I believe this is why my grandmother had to go through my diary. The things I wrote in there were not things I would be proud to speak aloud if I had to so I definitely shouldn’t have written them.

It all finally clicked. My old love had to leave me so that I wouldn’t abuse it. The very reason I didn’t have success with manifestation is that I wasn’t aware of when I was abusing it. The truth is, the whole money curse is just trauma-based beliefs around money that had not been addressed and healed just like my journaling incident. But it’s not just about money and journals, it’s about everything in our lives that we carry negative beliefs about whether it’s our bodies, our families, situations that happen to us. Maybe it’s all here to help us change our points of view so that we can choose loving reactions to life and truly grow.

With this new revelation and my rekindled passion for journaling, I’m dedicated to seeing all situations in the best light possible. I commemorated this by purchasing and little black book by Moleskine. I love the simplicity and quality of this little which represent living and simple quality life by appreciating the little things even the little dark things we may go through. It may simply be our perspective of these dark moments that cause us to be so dread about them. In this book, I write only the best words because this was my grandmother’s lesson.

Ok, so I know that this is the year I break this money curse from my family because it’s not a curse at all. It just a trauma that needs to be healed. With the help of my therapist, life coaching, and little black book, I will heal my traumas and break my curses!

“KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!”

Hold on, someones at that door.

You won’t believe this, but I just received a check for $20,000..........

HELL YEAAA!!!!!