The Moleskine Notebook

The alarm sounds on Robert’s phone. 1:30 p.m. His eyes struggling to open. He rolls over and grabs the phone and squeezes the side buttons in order to silence it. I can do a lot with 9 minutes, he thought. Almost immediately another thought entered his head. It’s the first of the month. Rent day. He knew what little time he had to get everything done before he had to leave for work. His roommate Damon would come home with his half of the rent expecting Robert’s so that they could pay it on time, every time.

They met in college and had been inseparable ever since. Robert adored Damon because he was unapologetically gay. Damon came out to his sisters when he was a kid and they kept it secret from their parents until Damon felt like he was ready to come out to them. When he came out, this was not news to them.

Just because he never brought home a boyfriend or commented on people’s fashion, Damon felt like he was flying under the radar. His parents loved him so much and always showered him in love and praise knowing someday he’d tell them.

If Robert was being honest with himself, he would say that he was jealous of Damon. Robert was also gay but was not raised in the same type of household as Damon. In Robert’s home, homosexuality was a sin first and foremost. It was unnatural in the eyes of God and went against nature. Homosexuals on tv and in movies were regarded as disgusting.

Robert knew from a very young age that he too was interested in boys. After a beating Robert received after getting caught kissing another boy in his church’s preschool, he knew he was going to have to start keeping secrets.

For years Robert kept his sexual fantasies to himself, living a secret double life. He found it both exciting and terrifying. He loved sneaking out and meeting up with secret boyfriends in the woods behind his house to kiss. He was also afraid of being caught because he knew he would be thrown out.

College held this hope that he’d never felt before. A light at the end of the tunnel. A chance to be who he was and live without his parents hateful hand leading him by the neck. He came out to everyone once he got to college in California. Everyone, except his family. He honestly didn’t know if their close-minded views would change when facing the fact that their only child was gay. Would they donate his inheritance to an anti-gay foundation? Could he continue to play the straight son to appease his parents’ bigoted views just to eventually get their money?

For years the answer was yes. He played the straight son. He would call home once a month and regale his mother with stories from college. He was 99% truthful with his parents. The one percentage of lies were to substitute male names and pronouns for female ones. His friends, including Damon all gave him a hard time for hiding who he was.

“You don’t understand. They are paying half of my college tuition and if they cut support, I will be kicked out of school.” This was absolutely true but it was also only half true. The other side of the coin was that he was certain they would cut ties with him too. In one fell swoop he’d lose his financial support, emotional support, and his family. Banishment from his hometown church was a certainty but he didn’t mind that fact. He always knew growing up that his family’s church was trash and knew he would never step across their threshold ever again once he left for college.

After college, Robert chose to not go home to his parents and stayed in California. This was his home now. Robert and Damon moved into a two bedroom apartment and both pursued their careers. Damon was in an entry level marketing position in downtown Los Angeles. Robert studied to be a writer in college, so naturally he works third shift at a fulfillment center.

Damon drives Robert to work every night and Robert catches a ride home from someone at work every morning.

“If I leave now, I’ll have enough time to catch a nap when I get home.” he said while staring at his bed.

After Robert dressed and walked to the bus stop, he sat on the right side of the bench and waited for the bus to come. When he sat down he noticed a black Moleskine notebook with an elastic closure holding it closed sitting on the left. He saw it and disregarded it as not his business and pulled his phone out of his pocket to surf the internet.

Boredom kicked in and that notebook popped back in his head. He looked around to see if anyone could be returning to the bench to retrieve their notebook. Nobody was in sight and curiosity had already told his brain that if no one was around, he’d snoop. Most likely some college kid’s economics homework.

He slid across the bench and sat next to the notebook. He slid the elastic closure off and opened the notebook. Only the first page had writing.

HELLO ROBERT

He slammed it shut and started looking everywhere. His heart was pounding and he felt soaked in sweat. Once he was certain nobody was watching him, he opened the notebook again.

DON’T FREAK OUT

His mind was swimming in conspiracy theories. His thoughts a constant bombardment of questions and the only answers are more mysterious.

YOU ARE IN AN EXPERIMENT. THE RIGHT CHOICES WILL EARN YOU $50,000! THE WRONG CHOICES CAN MAKE YOU MONEY TOO, BUT YOU WILL FAIL THE EXPERIMENT.

WE HAVE DEPOSITED $20,000 INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT. WE WANT YOU TO CHANGE THE LIVES OF FIVE PEOPLE. IF YOU DO THAT AND MEET US AT 1245 OAK BRIDGE RD BY 2:15, YOU’LL GET $50,000!

2:16 AND YOU FAIL. DON’T CHANGE ANYONE’S LIFE AND YOU FAIL. KEEP THE MONEY, WHICH YOU CAN DO, IS AN ABSOLUTE FAILURE.

BELOW IS A LIST OF THREE PEOPLE AND THEIR CHARITABLE CAUSES ON THE CROWDFUNDING WEBSITE www.crowdfundhope.com THE LAST TWO PEOPLE ARE YOUR OWN CHOICE. YOUR TIME IS RUNNING OUT.

ELENA MARTINEZ

WILLIAM BANE

MIKE AND RUTH NITZKORSKI

Robert checked his phone and it was 1:58 p.m. He pulled up his GPS app and punched in 1245 Oak Bridge Rd. It said it was a 15 minute walk in the opposite direction his bus was going. If this was real, he was going to have to run. Surely it wasn’t real. This doesn’t just happen. No scientist would finance a thought experiment for $20,000. His bank app opened and revealed that he had a deposit of $20,000 in his account this morning along with his paycheck.

The crowdfund site opened and he searched for ELENA MARTINEZ. One popped up and it was a woman who lives in his neighborhood. She is a mother to a son named Javier who is autistic. He’s only two and he needs a tutor. They are $16 an hour and she has been told he needs at least 15 hours a week. That equals out to $12,480 a year. She hasn’t raised a penny since it launched three days ago.

Robert pulled out his debit card and paid in full, $12,480.

Number two on the list was William Bane. After a quick search, a very sexy man named WILLIAM BANE popped up. After getting out of the military he came back to L.A. and got into a car accident. His leg was amputated. He hasn’t been able to get a good quality prosthetic. He can’t afford it and the VA won’t give him one because it wasn’t a service related injury. He has raised $13,980 so far but needs another $4,020 to reach his goal. Paid in full, $4020.

MIKE and RUTH NITZKORSKI were an old couple from Idaho. Mike made the campaign because his wife’s cancer has come back and the doctors give her less than a year before she dies. They traveled the world for years before Ruth’s cancer treatments depleted their savings. Mike is asking for $2700 to take her on one final cruise before she passes. There is $3500 left from the deposit. He enters in the full $3500.

2:03 p.m.

Robert pressed GO on the GPS app and started running. 12 minutes to go. Two more people to go. There has to be five. Two trains of through running simultaneously through his brain. One- don’t get hit by a car while running. Two- who are the other two people? He can’t give anyone money because he only has the rent money left.

$50,000 is a lot of money, he thought. Burning bridges type money. He came to the conclusion that he could finally end this farce. He had the money to where he never had to be financially dependant on his parents ever again. Who cares if they disown me? I am my own man and I will never have to worry about what they think of me again.

Robert stopped running in front of 1245 Oak Bridge Rd at 2:12 p.m. He pulled out his phone and called his mom.

“Hello?”

“Mom, is Dad there with you?”

“Yeah, want me to get him?”

“Please.”

2:13 p.m.

“Hey Robert!”

“Hey Dad, hey look I don’t have much time I just wanna say something real quick. I’m gay.”

2:14 p.m.

“Son?”

“Yeah Dad?”

“We know.”

“I have to go but I love you.”

Robert hung up and ran inside the building. Behind the desk was a woman typing.

“Can I help you?” she asked.

“I am Robert Lowe.”

She gestured toward a conference room door.

When Robert walked in he saw Robert’s parents sitting in the room with a third person.

“Uh, what?” Robert asked.

His mom said, “After your second or third year in college, the cat got into your bedroom and Dad had to get him out from beneath your bed and he found your stash of magazines. We never said anything because we know how we raised you and how close-minded we were. We spent years praying for God’s guidance and help. We realized how we were not living the right way and found a new church that’s more open. You haven’t called us in a year and we were only getting further away from each other so we came up with this idea. We’d give you this money and you can choose to help others rather than keep it and be rewarded for your selflessness. Plus we figured it would be nice if you’d actually come out to us so we can end this charade.”

The man slid a document across the table. Robert read over the document and it says that successful completion of the experiment releases $250,000 into Robert’s account.

“That’s your entire inheritance. We want you to have some financial security and to enjoy your life. We are deeply sorry we made you hide who you are from us. We love you so much! Please forgive us.”

They all hugged and cried. Robert felt the hole in his soul heal over.