The Marriage Built On Assignment.

There comes a point in a life when the heart finally grows still enough to hear its own truth. Mine arrived quietly yet deeply, and it changed the way I see marriage. I once believed that love was the foundation for a home. I believed the warmth of feeling would be enough to sustain two people through the storms that come. Yet time has a way of revealing what emotion alone cannot hold. As I look back at moments I once labeled as love I see a different story. There was a slow dissolving of self. There was bending to please someone who did not carry the blueprint of my life. There was a quiet grieving for the parts of me that slipped away while I called the experience love.

Then God stepped into the ruins. He made me new. The old passed away with its illusions and misunderstandings. In the stillness of solitude He allowed me to rediscover my own voice. I learned what I value and what I cannot accept. I learned what peace feels like. I learned that my identity is not negotiable. This season of being alone has not been punishment. It has been a gentle classroom where God has taught me that purpose matters more than passion.

This is why I can no longer imagine marriage as something built only on emotion. Love without direction is a wandering bird. Love without God is a flame with no lamp to hold it. Marriage must be anchored in purpose and that purpose must come from God Himself. Scripture says that two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. The reward is not the thrill of romance but the fruit of partnership. Marriage is a divine assignment that builds something larger than either life could manage alone.

The challenge for me now is learning the strength of being part of a team. I have lived long seasons where I stood alone. I made my own decisions. I carried my own world. Teamwork was a foreign language that nobody taught me. Yet God does not leave His children without instruction. If He brings a man into my life that He has chosen that man will not only be a husband but also a lesson. Through him God can teach me unity. Through him God can show me cooperation. Through him I can learn how to walk beside another without losing the individuality that God formed in me.

Individuality does not vanish in marriage. Scripture never asks a woman to become silent or invisible. The Proverbs thirty one woman had a household yet she also had enterprise. She operated with strength and wisdom. Her husband trusted her because she walked in the character God gave her. That gives me hope that individuality is not only allowed but essential. God does not join two people to erase their identities. He joins them so that each identity can serve His purpose more fully.

Yet within that individuality there also lives order. I believe firmly that the husband is called to lead. I believe he must carry a vision from God. Not a dream from his own ambition but a direction rooted in divine instruction. Without that vision he cannot lead. Without that vision he cannot build. And without that vision he cannot stand beside the woman God sends him. For me there is no marriage without that. I cannot follow a man who is not following God.

When God assigns a man a vision that vision becomes the map for the household. Scripture shows that submission is not weakness. Submission is trust. Submission is alignment with divine order. A wife does not vanish in that order. She becomes the strength that supports and multiplies what God has spoken over her husband. When the time comes I will set aside my own separate vision because a house divided in purpose cannot stand. Once God joins me to a man I will walk with him. His direction becomes my direction. His calling becomes my calling. His vision becomes my vision. Not out of loss but out of unity. Not out of erasure but out of obedience to the God who brings us together.

There are complexities that come with families but they do not shape the center of a marriage. At the heart of a marriage stands God, a husband, and a wife. Others may influence but they cannot define what God has ordained. Singleness has given me the space to reflect without outside noise and though solitude can sometimes feel selfish it also provides clarity. When God brings the right man that clarity will become cooperation rather than isolation.

My true desire is simple. I want purpose not empty emotion. I want a marriage chosen by God not crafted by my own longing. When God brings two people together He does not leave them to figure it out alone. His Spirit molds them. He shapes her into the wife she must become and shapes him into the husband he must be.

Perfection is not the goal. Alignment is. Harmony is. Obedience is.

When I imagine the marriage God will someday give me, I am reminded of Psalm thirty two where God promises to guide and instruct His people. A marriage built on that promise becomes steady. It becomes peaceful. It becomes a union where individuality thrives under shared purpose and where love grows deeper because it grows in the soil of God's divine will.

These reflections form the beginning of a new understanding. They do not close the door on the subject. They open it to deeper conversation and a future shaped by the hand of God.