The loves that made me who I am

I'm sure I am not the only person who has read that article that states you experience 3 types of love in life.

I personally am a firm believer that you have to go through multiple love experiences to figure out exact what type of love you need in your life. But I am also a firm believer that the type of love you think you need changes as your life progresses. I've dated multiple men in life ... some more impacting then others. Some heart breaks were easy some the pain lasted months even years. Each one of my relationships have taught me something though and i value them each solely for the lessons I've learned.

At 16 I dated a boy and when I say boy I mean it with everything inside of me. There was nothing at all about him that screamed man. Sure he was tall and well built but he was also abusive. So that right there automatically made him a boy. He was immature to the point where he wouldn't let me out of his sight. So jealous that it made him ugly. I eventually had to basically go into hiding and make up excuses as to why I couldn't see him. Thank god that ended. But it taught me my self worth, to never let anyone put their hands on me and to defend myself.

A few months later I met the boy I thought I was going to marry lmfao. I was 17 and thought he was gods gift to earth. I spent a few years with him .. He really was my best friend but I believe that's where our relationship failed .. we became too comfortable. After graduating high school I felt like we both started figuring out who we were in life and what paths we wanted to take. As much as we wanted it to work It just didn't and that's fine. This break up was hard, being so comfortable with someone and having someone there during some of the worst moments in your life to not having them at all. Like i said he was my best friend at that moment so I felt like i lost 2 things at once. But looking at the situation now .. everything worked out the way it was suppose too. We don't speak and that's ok he seems to be doing great in life and that alone makes me happy for him. This relationship taught me sometimes we have to let go of the person we really do care for and as much as it hurts there is something bigger out there. Sometimes letting go is something you have to do in order to evolve.

Then there was this weird relationship i went through and it wasn't even a real relationship. Have you ever met someone who is so in sync with you its scary? We would have to ghost each other every once in awhile because it wasn't health how attached we were. He was the person that if i needed to cry I knew he would answer. He was always there .. through all of my other relationships. The person I felt just understood the person I truly am. He knew my weakness and he knew what made me the happiest. He knew why i acted the way I did and reacted to certain things the way i do. Even though he was never physically here with me he knew me better then all the boyfriends I had. He literally could make me laugh by saying a single word. I think that's why I always kept him around because even on my darkest days he was the light. He lifted my spirit up. Obviously we weren't perfect.. lmao I think back on how we use to fight and I laugh because it was so pointless. We would yell at each other and two seconds later be over it. I think out of everyone he was the easiest to talk to. We had a very open communication.

As much as we have love for each other we were just at two very different points in our lives. And once again he is happy currently in life and I'm happy for him. He taught me that not everything that seems perfect is meant for you. But he also taught me that I had a lot of self issues I needed to work on. That i couldn't go running to someone to try to fix me. That only I could fix me.

I dated a few people in between but like I said not all relationships were impacting.

I had a baby in 2014 and got engaged to her father. That obviously didn't end well. But the one thing that relationship did teach me was not to settle no matter what. If your not happy and the other person isn't willing to help fix it then its not meant for you and to keep it moving. No hard feelings like I said we need to experience life in order to learn from it.

While that relationship was falling apart I became friends with a guy named Rob. At first I thought it was because I was so vulnerable I just needed someone. We were friends for months nothing more. He was too available and I was still figuring out exactly what I needed in my life. So that's why our friendship worked so well because we both knew it was nothing more then just having someone to talk too and hangout with on the reg. A few more months passed and we started having a routine. Hanging out on the same set days every week. Sleepovers weekly. I think we both just enjoyed having someone to sleep next too. We were already so comfortable with each other we didn't think anything of it. He became my best friend. I never met someone I laugh with the way I laugh with him. It was the perfect friendship. Eventually the jealous set in on both sides. Him jealous of guys I was speaking to and vise versa. Finally after about 8 months he asked me out on a real date. We kissed for the first time and I just knew he was it. Fast forward to 2020 we are 2 babies deep, moved down to Florida, engaged to be married. He taught me that sometimes the best things are worth the wait. That love creeps up on you when you least expect it. And I would of never thought in the end it would be him but it is. I can honestly say I know the true feeling of loving someone more then anything else in this world.