The little black notebook

It was a rainy day. Some raindrops slid down the window faster than others. There were no people walking on the street and the few cars driving were just enough to light up that grayish afternoon. The pier streetlights from Amelia’s window seemed to be closer but they were about two miles apart.

There was not too much to do outside but Amelia decided to walk to the pier for the very one last time. She had been waiting over a year for that day. Amelia continued watching throughout the window trying to get an answer to change her mind at the very last minute. But what she saw were more raindrops competing each other to get to the bottom and disappear.

“I think the sign is clear”, she thought.

It was the same sign Amelia had echoing on her mind every time when thinking about the truth of her life. She turned around and looked at the table. The note she wrote half an hour ago was still there.

I say good bye because I never came to say hi.

Amelia.

She walked towards the door and looked back to the room where Amelia spent the last two years since the foster family kicked her out of their house and lives.

“You are 18 now Amelia. You have to be on your own”, she remembered the frosting words from her foster care mother like a cold hummer hitting against her head.

Amelia always thought that white family who fostered her since she was ten years old was a relief gift from heaven after God took her parents away. But she realized the love for her brown skin just lasted while the government paid to support her.

“What a miserable blessing”, Amelia thought while turning out the light and closing her bedroom’s door.

When Amelia reached downstairs, the shelter front desk lady thought twice to ask her because she knew Amelia was not an easy person to engage.

“Are you going outside? It’s raining a lot” the lady said.

“The rain is perfect. It was raining that day”, Amelia replied.

The front desk lady was surprised about Amelia saying two sentences in a row but was confused about what day she was talking about.

Amelia put her hood on and started walking on the rain towards the pier as she did every single anniversary for the last ten years.

“Why wasn’t I on that stupid car too?” Amelia rued. “Everything would have been much easier”.

Amelia cursed all the time about the drunk driver who run the red light crashing her parent’s car just steps outside the pier entrance.

“Why the cowards always survive and the innocents die?” asked herself while slowly walked towards the pier.

Amelia had her look lost at the pier streetlights but her mind was busy thinking if she would be brave enough to jump.

“I guess must give it a try”, she thought.

Amelia had been struggling with herself since she knew was ten months old when brought to United States. That college scholarship application was the door to know the truth. She would have wished to have 20,000 dollars to study without asking for financial aid instead of looking for a nine-digit number that was never given to her.

“I am feeling totally lost” Amelia thought. “I have no family, no future, no country, no friends”.

Amelia realized then that the only person she could call a friend was the ice cream seller but it was raining and don Tomás was not pushing his cart as he usually did near the beach.

Amelia never bought him an ice cream. Actually, she hated ice creams but loved to hear don Tomás stories because it was the only way for her to practice Spanish for her high school classes.

The very first time Amelia met don Tomás was five years ago when walking to the pier to leave some flowers for the memory of her parents. He was younger but lastly seemed to be too tired to still pushing that old ice cream cart.

“How curious don Tomás has a granddaughter named Amelia too”, she thought. “I would have wished to have a grandfather”.

Don Tomás was the kind of grandfather who was always talking about how proud he was of his baby even when that baby was a 23 years old woman who had to live on her own because she also lost her parents when she was a child.

“We have too much in common but two worlds completely different”, Amelia thought remembering that don Tomás never wanted to talk about how her granddaughter´s parents died.

The last thing Amelia learned from don Tomás was that her granddaughter disappeared from one day to another. They communicated each other so often that don Tomás spent most of the money from the ice cream sales to buy pre-paid phone cards but those calls to Mexico were unanswered from over a week now.

“Hace más de una semana que no sé nada de ella, mija”, don Tomás´ words echoed in Amelia´s mind trying to figure out why his granddaughter had been in silence for so long.

“Now he will be wondering why I do disappear too”, Amelia thought without changing her idea about jumping from the pier.

Amelia came on herself when several car patrols rushed past her illuminating the grayish sky with blue and red lights. The officers left the patrols and run to the beach as fast as they could. By the time they disappeared there were already more emergency lights by the shore and beach patrols with the sirens on.

“We have found the boat but there is no one inside. We are looking around. Send the chopper”, Amelia heard on a patrol’s radio. “Copy. Chopper on its way”, another voice replied.

Amelia continued walking towards the pier imaging that scene was so unrealistic to end in the most realistic manner.

“If they are looking for someone, they will be rewarded with another good catch”, she thought while her eyes turned to a black bag lying on the sidewalk curb between two parked cars. Amelia came closer to realize it was a wet backpack that maybe someone lost. Or maybe not. She decided to pick the backpack up and continue walking towards the pier to find out what was inside.

For a moment, Amelia thought to threw the backpack to the sea. She felt guilty to have on her own hands something that was from another person, but she changed her mind to remember her motto.

“Things happen for a reason”, she said to herself right before opening the zipper and discovering what was on the backpack.

It was full of clothing and a couple of tennis. It appeared to belong to a young woman as the size and designs left no room for doubts. But what caught Amelia’s attention was a little black notebook. She was already curious enough to open it and see what it was about.

There were just a few handwriting sentences in Spanish. Her knowledge of the language was not perfect but at least she understood what the person wrote.

“Tomorrow is the day grandpa” she translated. “We will be soon together. I know you don´t like surprises but I cannot stay alone here anymore. I only collected 20,000 dollars but hope is enough to get you a new ice cream cart”.

Amelia´s eyes starting to melt down in tears just right after she read the name and date.

3 de marzo. Amelia.

It was exactly a week ago.

The pages of the little black notebook were weird. There was nothing else written but the notebook seemed to be like no other. Amelia found out there was a carved square hole in the middle of the notebook with a plastic bag inside. She took it out to discover there was a bunch of bills right there, just on her hands. Exactly 20,000 dollars. She counted them twice.

“I would be stupid if I jump in the water with 20,000 dollars”, Amelia thought giving up her idea.

Amelia put everything back in the backpack and started walking towards the shelter. The rain had stopped.

A week after, Amelia returned to walk to the pier. It was a sunny day with many beachgoers, but she had only one purpose on her mind. That afternoon, don Tomás was ringing the bells while pushing his old ice cream cart as usual.

Amelia came close to him, opened a backpack and took something from inside.

“Esta libreta me salvó la vida”, Amelia said while giving the little black notebook to don Tomás. “This notebook saved my life”, she repeated in English.

Don Tomás was confused but he had no chance to ask Amelia what was she talking about because she started walking away from the ice cream cart.

“Amelia… espera. Regresa”, don Tomás yield asking Amelia to return, but Amelia never came back her look and disappeared. She knew don Tomás did not know how to read.

“I am a coward for not letting him know what happened to his granddaughter”, Amelia thought. “That is why only cowards survive. But I guess he will find out the tragic sooner than later”.

It took four years to Amelia to return to the pier. She missed four anniversaries without leaving flowers to mourn her parents. She was now a semester away to graduate from college but she felt so guilty and embarrassed every single day since the last time she saw the ocean. Amelia was decided to come back, face don Tomás and tell him the truth she hid all this time.

“How could I do that to don Tomás?”, Amelia repeated to herself time after time. “He does not deserve that”.

It was a sunny Sunday morning when Amelia walked back towards the pier. She missed the beach, the sea and the only friend she had in town. She found a new fancy new ice cream cart standing a few steps from the pier, but don Tomás was not there. It was attended by a woman. The cart had a handmade painting with the name of the business.

“Mis Amelias”, she surprisingly read to herself keeping her eyes wide open to the name and the woman working behind the cart.

“Excuse me. Why does the cart read Mis Amelias?”, she asked the woman.

“One of them is a lady who returned a little black notebook with 20,000 dollars to an old man to buy this cart. He passed away last year”, the woman said with a strong Mexican accent. “He was my grandfather. The other lady it’s me”.

Amelia started crying with a big smile to learn that woman in front of her made it to United States and hid in some place without a backpack lost on her way. Some tears slid down faster than others on her face.

For the very first time, Amelia bought an ice cream for herself to honor don Tomás. She enjoyed the flavors while walking in the pier watching the horizon dividing the sea and the sky. She thanked for being alive and for giving the money. Amelia was sure her friend was watching her from somewhere along her parents.

Amelia returned to work the following day as she had been doing for the last four years. She spent the night studying to prepare her college exams but felt asleep next to a note with a message she wrote half an hour ago:

I say hi because I never came to say good bye.