The Little Black Book

Warming their hands by the fire, Avery, noticed their stomach whining for some food. Grabbing their stomach, their olive skin face squinting in pain. Avery looked around the tent city they lived in and saw no one seemed to have food to spare and this cold, fall night would be miserable to all that graced the tent city. Defeated they knew they would have to go to the ally a few streets down that had the back doors to a few restaurants where they would throw out perfectly good food instead of giving it to those that needed it. Feeling the cold breeze cut through their ripped jeans and thinning shirt, they quickened their pace.

The streets of Salt Lake City, Utah smelled of good food and lost dreams. Avery used to love this place. Used to dream of going to college, going to the LDS temple someday. Those dreams where shot now. Flashing back to a few months earlier Avery reluctantly saw the scene play in their head.

“Mom, Dad I have been wanting to tell you something but have been scared to…. I not sure how to tell you….”

“Well spit it out,” their mothers harsh voice still made them wince.

“I….I’m gender fluid, and I… I like girls,” Avery’s frail voice stuttered. The look of horror on Mother’s face was forever seared into the back of their eyelids. Father’s face turning red as if it was about to pop off. Looking down and picking at their nails to distract.

“I’m sorry, I know this is a disappointment, but I can’t change the way I feel. I’ve tried.” Avery’s eyes had begun to burn with hot tears.

“Disappointment? It’s a disgrace!” Their Fathers deep voice pounding on their ears.

“You need to go talk to the bishop. He can help you solve this… problem you're having,” Their mom’s clipped voice cutting them deep.

“I won’t go, I can’t! He’ll just tell me I can change and that I’m sinning, I already tried” Avery burst out.

“If you won’t go you have no place in our home. You are cut off and not our daughter.”

“I’ll get out of your hair can I just have help getting an apartment?” Avery’s voice was quiet and ashamed.

“You have a disease and if you won’t treat it, you’re out, with no help, nothing,” Mothers disgusted expression caused Avery to look back to the floor.

“Ok, I’ll go get my stuff.” They said, heading towards the grand stairs where their bedroom rests. Father got up from the front room chair he’d been sitting on and pushed them back.

“No, figure it ALL our on your own. No handouts.” He said towering over them. Seeing the Jesus picture over his shoulder, then looked straight into Fathers eyes with boldness.

“Some followers of Jesus you are,” Avery said with the most assertive tone they’ve used all night. Which was followed by a sharp sting to their face at the hand Father. Holding their stinging cheek, determined not to cry, they wheeled around grabbed their coat and shoes and bolted out the door.

Coming back to the present standing in the ally with the delicious smells taunting them, they looked into the trashcan they could barely see over. Tucking their long brown hair into their coat (as to not get it dirtier than it already was), their ocean eyes searching for the source of the delicious smell. Something caught their eye, a small black book. Reaching out they could feel it’s soft moleskin, caress their hands. They tucked it in their bag. Feeling heat, they pulled a big trash bag out that was full of fresh, steamy, food.

Running back to the fire Avery usually stayed by, they passed out as much food as they could while still having enough to have a full stomach. They then turned in for the night getting under the wool blanket they were given last week and began looking through their find of a book only to find blank pages.

“It’s empty,” Avery whispered flipping to the front page again they were surprised to see neat writing scrawling across the page. It wrote ‘Move with haste, challenges you’ve faced, can all be erased. At the corner, you’ll find a donor.’ Looking around thinking they were in a dream. Then pinched themselves and realized that either this was a convincing dream, or this had to be real.

Moving quickly to the corner they were facing while all bundled up. Their eyes were shocked to see a $50 bill on the ground that through the wind happened to still be there. Looking around to make sure no one was going to claim it. They picked it up and stuffed it in an inner pocket of their coat.

“Derrick, “Avery called to a boy she’d met here with jet black hair and kind chocolate eyes, “Look at this book! It’s crazy! It led me to a $50 bill we can go get some hot food tomorrow, your choice.”

“Thanks Avery, I can take care of myself,” His tone dark and broody. Furrowing her brows confused by his attitude watched him walk away to his little tent across the way.

The next morning Avery woke up with a start. Searching their pocket to see if it was real, pulled out the crisp bill they placed there safely last night. Then reached under their wool blanket searching for the book. Heart beating and lungs heaving with panic they realized it had been taken. Disappointment filled their chest like an evening tide in a cave, no more air to breathe.

“It’s ok,” Avery’s calm voice caressing their lips as they forced the breathes to be deeper.

As the sun began to sink, later that day, Avery’s belly began to groan again. Knowing they still had a $50 bill at least, which would have been more than they could have sold the book for, they set out to find a warm place to eat some good food. Deciding on the deli that Father used to take them to when they were little.

“Hi,” Avery said when standing in front of the counter nearly jumping out of their skin with this simple excitement, “Can I get a Grilled Cheese and ham Sandwich combo and a large lemonade?” The short blond girl at the counter looked her up and down with a face of disgust, an expression they had gotten used to as of late.

“Thank you so much and have a wonderful day!” Avery sung as they paid and was handed their food and smiled at the poor girl who just clearly didn’t have compassion.

Sitting by the window and feeling like a little kid again, Avery happily and gratefully ate their favorite meal while watching the people of the city, watching the hustle and fight, watching them holding hands and kiss, being fascinated by the humans we all are. With our pain, our joy, our disappointment and pride.

Scanning the café across the street for some unsuspecting lovers, Avery’s searching eyes locked on Derrick with the little black book next to him on the table. Although a burst of anger overtook them, they again calmed and came up with a plan to get it back. Avery scarfed down the sandwich and sucked down the lemonade, slinked out of the deli and across the street. They felt bad taking this from Derrick who, similar to them, was kicked out for being gay but vowed that they would help him if this book brought them fame and fortune.

Casually, Avery walked up to him.

“Hey Derrick!” They chirped sitting across from him as he quickly stuffed the book into his brown satchel at the side of the chair

“Oh, hi Avery,” Derrick could barely look at them.

Giving him a hug, they slipped the book out of the bag and into theirs.

“I’ll catch up with you later,” Avery’s voice rushed. They moved towards the public library with haste.

They sat in the window seal of the public library and with anticipation opened the book. To their disappointment it was blank. Maybe it HAD all been in their head. Getting a pen out of their pocket they were compelled to write a story about a small homeless girl who had found a black leather book. The girl was directed to enter into a writing contest to win $20,000 to which she had won and grew up to help homeless people by creating a nonprofit to transition them from being homeless to having jobs and being self-supported.

Looking up it had been hours and the night sky was inky. Avery had filled the entire book with this story.

“I’m sorry, we are closing,” The Librarian smiled at them, “You know, I have a flyer for you!” She excitedly bounced to the librarian’s desk and back with a small pink rectangle paper in her hand. Avery reached out and saw.

Writing Contest!

Write a story to win $20,000!

The story must be about winning $20,000 and

must include a little black book.

Please turn in to your local library.

Shaking Avery looked back up at her kind face.

“I already wrote this story, and it’s in this.” They said holding up the black moleskin book. Her mouth dropped open.

“Is it about winning $20,000 and include that book?” She stuttered.

“Yes. Can I turn this into you?” Avery extended the book, hoping that this woman would be honest.

“Yes, yes you can! Seems to be fate doesn’t it?” She said with a sly smile.

Avery came back to the library every day to check to see if the contest winners had been announced. After two weeks the sweet librarian rushed up to them.

“Avery, you got a letter from the contest! I put your address as my address, I hope you don’t mind I assumed you were without one.”

Avery was frozen in shock.

“Avery? Here is your letter. Do you want to open it?” She said placing it into their hands.

Melting out of the shock they ripped it open and dropped the letter, tears rushing down their face.

“You didn’t win?” The librarians face sunk.

“No, no, I did!” Avery felt a rush of relief and joy, holding a $20,000 check in their shaking hands, “Thank you” Avery hugged the librarian in gratitude.

“Of course, dear!” She chimed.

Running to the tent city with the check safely stashed in their coat inside pocket, and frantically searched for Derrick, looking through the familiar yet distant faces.

“Derrick!” Avery yelled.

“What?” Derrick’s voice was quiet and saddened coming from behind them.

“Derrick! I won a contest! I know you stole my book and I’m a little pissed, but I understand, and I forgive you. I used the book and won a lot of money. We can get an apartment together, get jobs and get into school if we want!” Avery was jumping in anticipation not wanting to worry about the past and pay forward the kindness the universe had given them. A flood seemed to break in Derricks eyes.

“Why would you want to help me? I stole from you.”

“Because, you have a beautiful soul and a kind heart, and these have been hard times. I was given a gift from the universe and I want to share it with you.”

Over the next few months Avery and Derrick obtained a house, nice interview clothes, jobs and an entrance into Salt Lake community college.

Avery knew that they could forever pay it forward through their education to be a teen psychologist and activist spreading knowledge about LGBTQ issues and providing a safe haven for them when their parents wouldn’t or couldn’t. Their life reborn to help change the world by one Little black book.