The Little Black Book

Everyday she woke up more tired than the day before. She concealed her body behind old tattered sweats. Her hair was placed in a mop-like bun and her slippers were covered in dirt. She scooped the dirty laundry off the floor on her way to the kitchen. Her hands almost behaved in a mechanic-like motion . There was not much time before the kids woke up. She found solitude in the early morning hours. The coffee brewed and the scent filled the room. The smell was pleasant. It was not the familiar smell of diaper blow-outs or spoiled milk. She watched the coffee drip slowly yet steadily into the pot. The way her eyes gazed at the brewing coffee was almost as if she were in a trance.

Her hand gripped a little black notebook nervously . This book held her dreams. The pieces of herself that existed before motherhood and marriage. As she turned each page to find another one of her unfulfilled dreams she became increasingly heartbroken . Water began to drip from her eyes and onto the pages of her notebook . Through her blurred vision she glanced down and locked eyes with her daughter. She realized then that the disappointment that she felt was not for herself but for her children. She dreamed of giving them a home and a life filled with opportunities . She wanted to give her children a life far better than the one she called her own. As thoughts of their future danced through her mind she gently guided her daughter back to bed . She sat one more time in the complete stillness of the morning reflecting on her life. The dreams she missed , the ones she accomplished , and the ones that were yet to be made. The morning silence was interrupted by a phone call. She cautiously answered . She anticipated most premature phone calls were rarely accompanied by good news.

She intentionally responded , “Hello?” , in a quiet mouse-like voice. Unsure of the news she would collect on the other end of the phone she stood waiting for a response vigilantly. Anxiety made her heart gallop and her thoughts race. She was an expert at receiving bad news. Life had not been kind to her. From the daily war of single motherhood and healing from unresolved trauma bad news had become her way of life. A grizzly voice replied on the other end of the phone. His tone left her frozen. She felt a familiarity in his harsh tone and unsympathetic demeanor. She had encountered many people of his caliber so many times before. Just like life people had also not been kind to her.

“Hello Mam,” “ I am calling in regards to a sweepstake that you were entered into.”

She paused and hesitated before replying. She thought back to her quiet neighbor with a pleasant smile. The one that always told her that life changes like the seasons. It had to be her who entered her into the sweepstakes. She felt a sense of relief.

The voice said , “Mam, you are the winner of 20,000 dollars.” She said, “ thank you” and shakily placed the phone back on the receiver.

Her body slowly slipped to the ground as she sat in disbelief. She knew that her life and the life of her children would forever be changed. She collected her things and gave her children the news. A glimmer of promise filled their eyes for the first time in months. The nothingness that once engulfed her life was melting away. She found a renewed sense of hope. They packed their belongings and piled into their crowded car. The car gently accelerated away from the place they use to call home.

They pulled up to a beautiful house. The grass was a deep green. It looked like it had been hand painted . Each blade of grass was perfectly placed on the lawn. Kids were playing outside and the neighborhood echoed with laughter. It was a place that you could only dream of calling home. She walked up to the house where a peculiar man with a wire-like mustache awaited her arrival. His suit was tight fitting and squeezed his body. There was a for sale sign posted on the lawn. She reached into her purse and took out an envelope. The envelope held 20,000 dollars. She handed the man the envelope in exchange for the keys to the house. She once again sat reflecting on her life in the quietness of her new home. Joy filled her heart as she watched her children play on the lawn of their new home. She was forever grateful that her season had changed.