The Journey to Unconditional Love

Today, I once again put down some insights about life and the journey of self-development. We've become accustomed to everything being clear, predetermined, and somehow pre-checked and supported by research. But how much does such convenience take away from our creativity, our ability to learn what's called living?

How easy it is to follow prescriptions and not think. And even if you do think a bit, it's merely to find errors and inaccuracies. Inaccuracies in relation to predefined paradigms and patterns. Yet, in reality, they are actually perfection.

So often, the starting point in human interactions is:

"If you don't live as I do, then you're living wrongly!"

"If you want something more than I have, you're selfish and know nothing about living!"

"If you dare to contemplate and explore who you truly are, you're just wasting time and won't benefit from it, since I don't have the courage to do it myself, and therefore, it's a pointless activity!"

As I am somewhat stubbornly independent and, through some insights into my own patterns and paradigms, have become aware of tools to create my own life, I've arrived at an understanding that I'd like to share with you.

Namely, Unconditional Love. What it is and why it tends to be confused with ordinary family relationships or platonic love. I came across a neat pyramid that visually clarifies what is what. In other words, in order to arrive at an understanding of what it is, one must drag their body and mind through all sorts of lower levels. Until it's clear what you no longer desire, and then you can move forward.

I won't be conducting a survey or a university analysis here :)

Just sharing an insight that what people often call love is actually just a tool to control others, to push someone away through guilt, to hurt oneself with assumptions and expectations, because "I love them so much but look, they're so bad that they don't appreciate my love!"

A game. A game of victimization and blame. Instead of understanding that we ourselves are the creators of our lives and that even the cruelest misfortunes are the result of our own actions/thoughts that we've invited into our lives. Similarly, the events that bring us joy and happiness are INVITED by us, so is there a need to look for someone to blame, or would it be more sensible to examine what we've done right and what this situation is trying to teach us?

Oh yeah, it's so easy to lay blame on the world and others, and more audacious, sometimes even on the Creator Himself 😛 (In other words, on oneself, since the Bible also claims that man is created in the image of God, so a fragment of divine essence exists within every person). Simultaneously, it's crucial to learn and comprehend what resonates with you.

Returning to Love. I've mentioned previously that at a certain point, I became an observer because people's comprehension of love was nowhere near the depth I deep down knew it was. This realization, however, wasn't a sudden epiphany but emerged from the challenging experiences in my own life.

Repeatedly, I witnessed how abhorrent acts were perpetrated under the guise of love, not in the eyes of society, but against the very person for whom they claimed to feel love. Eventually, people started to conflate the notion of love with friendship or, in worse cases, with mere politeness. As I delved deeper into understanding it, I recognized from the outset that it certainly wasn't what I anticipated or wanted to offer my partner. Yes, of course, there's politeness, self-sacrifice, and all the other facets people consider as ultimate love - including physical attraction, passion, and the physicality of sex, which, let's be honest, equates to several hours of intense workout sessions 😛

For me, though, love is primarily about appreciation. It's about valuing your partner as much as yourself, affording them the same rights and freedoms that you hold as essential for yourself. It's knowing how to simply BE, at times, sharing silent moments and feeling the energy that emanates between two lovers. How mere closeness to one another equates to supreme joy. But you don't need to possess anything for that.

Possession. A very cruel and malicious action, which is also often mistaken for love. Statements like:

"You are mine, and you will do exactly as I want!"

"If you don't do as I want, then you'll..." and you can fill in the rest.

Conditions, conditions, assumptions, and once again, frameworks and rules seemingly written down by someone somewhere, which must exist for something to be called a relationship. Frameworks determined by someone else.

What can we do then to find true love?

Once again, my well-worn phrase that I've actually been talking about since the very beginning of my blog.

We must learn to truly love ourselves. Dive into ourselves and unravel the charges from various basic values adopted in childhood, which actually hinder us from guiding and creating our own lives in the way we truly desire and deserve.

Is this excavation easy? Is it quick? Can it be done through a shortcut? The answer to all three is NO. But doing this brings clarity as to why you behave the way you do, and if you don't like how you're behaving towards yourself, then you are the only one who can change it. If you've already charged from a basic value, then making that change is quite simple. Yes, sometimes we fall back into old patterns, but then we already know why and how to get out of them. ❤

I'd also like to address a question that often arises in conversations: Should I turn the other cheek to my enemy, as the church has taught, should I endure Muslims and their violence and bloodlust, or should I love my child's murderer???? No. This doesn't mean indiscriminately loving everyone and demeaning yourself, and becoming a victim. If necessary, fight and remove that wrongdoer from your space and life, and choose something else. It's a CHOICE. You choose in your life what you need and what helps you create your life. You'll never forget those preceding harmful things and many others that have harmed you. You just find that trigger within yourself that makes you react to them, and you're AWARE of how they enter your life, and you simply stop choosing them. Your reaction is what draws that into your life. For every pressure, there is a counter-pressure, and if you hate, fear, or constantly talk about it, you create an energetic pressure, and a counter-pressure comes from there, often manifesting in your own life as the same unpleasant or dangerous situation.

So, start by loving yourself, your life, and your needs. Then you have that reserve to share with others. Share with understanding that others may not yet know how to receive it, they might not even value themselves, but you know it's their choice, and you are centered in yourself and in love, and you enjoy it. Everyone walks this path at their own pace.

Twin Flame connection. A connection that is higher and purer than the conventional understandings of love. And this connection demands deep inner work. A year and a half ago, I didn't know that such a connection was written into my own life. Then a memory started to surface, from that very evening when this connection was described to me. We couldn't yet name it Twin Flame, but "twins" were there. 🙂

Is this Unconditional Love? Very close to it, but I think I'm not quite able to be as free from expectations and assumptions as the essence of Love is. So, I allow myself to continue growing and discovering.

Two is One - two equals who can successfully stand alone but are energetically connected on a deeper level than passionately infatuated teenagers during their first week. 🙂

The only way for this bond to transform into everything and much more than people understand by the name of love is to find the strength within oneself not to assume, not to diminish, but simply to BE. Treat your partner as you would treat yourself and realize that they are still themselves and not you. Allow them to be and progress at their own pace as they navigate through their processes of soul darkness.

Loving Unconditionally,

Elle Vihman from the time October 18, 2017