The high cost of Commitment

Divorce settlements involving significant financial considerations have long been the subject of public fascination. Over the past decade, the trend has been growing, with several high-profile cases where the former spouse has been granted substantial amounts of money in alimony and child support.

Some will argue these people (usually women) deserve the rewards they received because chances are the men deserved the penalty, while others may disagree. What does this mean for successful people and those who seek to marry them? Who is the real victim after love goes left? What will relationships look like in the future based on statistics and this current trend? The results are staggering.

If we go back to 2019, MacKenzie Scott, the former wife of Amazon founder Jeff Bezos, received a divorce settlement of $38 billion, making her one of the wealthiest women in the world. The settlement reflected her significant contribution to the development of Amazon from the very beginning, during their marriage. The fact is that MacKenzie played a crucial role in the Amazon concept, creating the environment for Jeff to build one of the biggest e-commerce businesses in the world.

But what should we say about Erin Nordegren? Who was originally the nanny for Swedish golfer Jesper Parnevik’s children when she moved to the United States. It was in the U.S. that she met pro-golf legend Tiger Woods during the 2001 Open Championship. Nordegren soon became the nanny for his children before finding herself his wife. The two were married for six years before Woods' cheating scandal came to light. Nordegren managed to make off with a cool $100 million since their divorce.

While it is not Elin Nordegren’s fault that the relationship ended due to the infidelity of Tiger Woods, it certainly worked out for her in the end. And she used her newfound status to secure more relationships with wealthy men. After her divorce, she began dating Chris Cline, a coal mogul and philanthropist. Then, later, she got together with Miami Dolphins player Jordan Cameron, with whom she had her third child in October 2019. Should things not work out, she should have a decent child support payment to look forward to.

Or another example Gabriel Aubry was a relatively unknown model until he met and married the Oscar-winning actress Halle Berry. Canadian model Gabriel Aubry has modeled for many of the major fashion designers, including Tommy Hilfiger, Gianni Versace, Calvin Klein, DKNY, Valentino, Nautica, and many more. It was on the set of the Valentino photoshoot that Aubry and Berry met. They had a daughter together in 2008, but just two years later they decided to end the relationship.

Gabriel Aubry had been promptly named a gold digger during their divorce settlement. Aubry demanded a $50,000 lawyer fee on top of $20,000 a month in alimony. Aubry claimed that he needed the $20,000 to support the lavish lifestyle that their daughter had grown accustomed to. He wound up getting $16,000 in child support. Though, it’s worth mentioning that he doesn’t even have full custody of their daughter, he’s receiving that for just part of the time that he’s with her. Additionally, Berry had to pay a retroactive payment of $115,000 and as much as $300,000 in attorney fees on his behalf.

While these are highly publicized cases involving large settlements, they do influence the average person with even moderate success to raise some serious questions about marriage.

4–5 million people get married every year in the U.S. alone, and 42–53% of those marriages eventually end in divorce. Divorce has many possible causes, including infidelity, financial problems, loss of intimacy, substance abuse, domestic abuse, lack of commitment, moral or religious differences, and simply growing apart. Whatever the reason, divorce is not a uniquely American scenario. Divorce happens all over the world; in fact, it may be every bit as universal as marriage itself.

Top 13 Countries with the Highest Divorce Rates (annually, per 1000 people)*

*Data is most recent available per country. 2018-China; 2019-Cuba; all others 2020–21

1. Maldives — 5.52

2. Kazakhstan — 4.6

3. Russia — 3.9

4. Belarus (tie) — 3.7

5. Belgium (tie) — 3.7

6. Moldova — 3.3

7. China — 3.2

8. Cuba — 2.9

9. Ukraine — 2.88

10. Denmark (tie) — 2.7

11. Latvia (tie) — 2.7

12. Lithuania (tie) — 2.7

13. United States (tie) — 2.7

Year after year, we are seeing marriages decline, so it would appear divorces have declined compared to previous years. The rate of divorce has increased relative to the rate of marriage.

What are the most common causes of divorce?

According to various studies, the four most common causes of divorce are lack of commitment, infidelity, or extramarital affairs, too much conflict and arguing, and a lack of physical intimacy. The least common reasons are a lack of shared interests and incompatibility between partners.

When we take a closer look at the top two, the first being lack of commitment and the second being infidelity, we can get a clearer picture of what’s happening and why. According to statistics

16% of married individuals reported engaging in an affair.

20% of married men and 13% of married women admitted to cheating.

53.4% of affairs happen with someone the individual knows very well.

47.7% of cheaters admitted it to their partners within a week.

40% of adults who have cheated are now divorced, compared to 17% of those who never cheated.

Different countries have different opinions on whether affairs are inherently wrong. The French are the most accepting, with many not considering it a big deal, followed by the Spanish. On the other hand, more people from Turkey and Palestine found cheating to be unacceptable than anywhere else.

76% of Americans believe that affairs are “always wrong.”

40% of the French don’t consider infidelity morally wrong.

27% of the Spanish don’t think extramarital affairs are inherently wrong.

94% of Palestinians and Turkish individuals believe that infidelity is always wrong.

What constitutes cheating? It turns out there’s a wide variety of definitions, and men and women differ on their opinions here.

In one study, most men and women agreed that emotional infidelity could occur independently of sexual infidelity. However, a smaller portion of men thought that the opposite was true. Women are also more likely to consider an emotional attachment to someone else as adulterous behavior.

Research has found that women tend to become more upset over an emotional affair than men do. Yet, both men and women found sexual affairs equally troubling.

What else counts? Most women consider holding hands a form of cheating. Most people agreed that spending too much time with another person you have feelings for is also cheating.

88% of women and 79% of men believe that emotional infidelity can occur independently of sexual infidelity.

71% of women and 54% of men believe sexual infidelity can occur independently of emotional infidelity.

80% of women and 66% of men consider an emotional attachment to someone else to be cheating.

16% believe that attending important events with another person is cheating.

15% consider lying to a partner about who they’re spending time with as unfaithful.

71% of women and 56% of men consider hand-holding a type of cheating.

Research suggests that the infidelity rate increases in older age groups. Specifically, individuals in their 50s and 60s are the most likely to cheat. However, this rate declines significantly after this age range. Married women are most likely to cheat at 45, whereas married men reach their cheating peak at 55.

So where do we go from here?

As the value of marriage appears to be less attractive, you may ask yourself, "Why do people bother? With the popularity of social media, where people can begin and end a relationship with a click, not to mention the “hook-up culture” phenomenon, it is very easy to temporarily fill your “void” with no obligation and little risk when you decide to exit. Men argue that women have rejected traditional roles since the feminist movement and view their duties in a relationship today differently compared with 30 or more years ago. Women have set the bar higher for relationships, resulting in several challenges in finding “worthy” marriage candidates.

I was married for the first time at 19, right after high school. I owned a successful business, a two-family home, a car, and a considerable amount of savings. In the 1990s, tales like mine were uncommon, and as a young man, I had many choices.

My advice after three marriages:

· You have to trust someone eventually. Take your time to really get to know the person you plan to marry, and your partner’s family is just as important as who you plan to marry.

· When you are successful, try to align yourself with people who understand what success is and are willing to work for it — not just financially, but in a relationship, both people should be prepared to work for mutual benefit and the benefit of your future family. This is only possible with a clear understanding of what each person wants; keep in mind that this can change over time.

· Patience is necessary in everything you do. There is no perfect person; many people fall victim to the 80/20 rule in relationships, where they sacrifice 80% of what they do get for 20% of what they don’t get.

· Each person can be at a different place on their life journey; consider that you may be further along or behind your partner; either way, you will both continue to grow, either together or apart.

· Disagreements work better when you have an objective to resolve the issue, not necessarily to win arguments. The moment you are in competition with your partner, the arguments will never stop until you divorce.

· Treat others as you would like to be treated; always put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

· Problems and challenges make us who we are! Coal becomes diamonds with pressure; everything you go through with your partner will only strengthen you both if you allow it.

· No one can make you happy; you have to find that within yourself, so do not blame your partner if they fail to do so. Most people realize too late that true happiness comes from helping and doing things for others.

· What goes around comes around; when you plan for others, good or bad, it must be returned. Consider your intention for getting married and know that we usually receive what we give, and if we get what we don’t deserve, eventually it will benefit you.

Who Benefits Most

Whether accepted or not, there is one fact that cannot be disputed, and that is that women are more likely to push for marriage and initiate divorce more often than men on average.

The results of many investigations support this. In fact, women are the ones who start divorces in around 70% of cases. According to a 2015 survey by the American Sociological Association (ASA), two-thirds of all divorces are reportedly started by women. This percentage rises to 90% for women with college degrees.

According to surveys, one of the top reasons women file for divorce is because they feel “kept back” in their marriages. But what are they “held back” from? The response is based on the woman’s goals and aspirations. Males often have more to lose when they get married than women do, and they are, on average, more inclined to stay in the marriage after becoming wealthier throughout it. According to studies, women are more likely to get divorced once they are promoted to higher positions at work, make more money, or achieve their financial goals.

To Conclude

It seems the only rationale for marriage can be linked to religious beliefs, respect for tradition, honor, values, or culture. Many people who are willing to marry are ready to start a family, look for stability in their lives, or desire a connection with the person beyond a verbal commitment.

Here are some reasons in favor of marriage:

1. Marriage will give you the legal rights of a spouse

We all know how important it is to be the legal spouse, not because you want your children to inherit the legitimacy of their birthright, but because it plays a vital role in your assets and all kinds of marital rights, including retirement funds and alike.

2. Marriage is the beginning of your new life together

Marriage is not just a legal union. It is both a physical, spiritual, and emotional alliance.

3. Marriage strengthens your family's union.

4. It can be the ultimate act of love for your partner

5. Marriage provides a deeper level of connection and intimacy

6. Lifelong support system

Think about how lonely you felt while you were single and dealing with difficult situations in life. A solid support system that one can have is their spouse.

with a union There will always be someone with whom to enjoy special occasions. Your significant other will always be there to support you through all of life’s joys and sorrows, as well as its ups and downs (such as mood swings, work problems, and other difficulties). In addition to simply listening, they will provide you with a fresh viewpoint and assist you in coming up with solutions to your difficulties. Marriage also sets a good example for your kids and instills in them the virtues of honor, stability, and loyalty that are essential for passing down your heritage and creating a lasting legacy.

Thanks for your time — Deen