The Great Conjunction

“If you look through the eyepiece you can see how close Saturn and Jupiter are. This will be the first time in 800 years that Saturn and Jupiter have overlapped at night.” Jessica hopped out of the way, excited to share the wonders of the cosmos with John. At least she thought it was John. Or was it James?

John/James was leaning against the wall looking around absent-mindedly. Science and the cosmos were far from his comfort zone. He was more at home with a weightlifting belt than Orion’s. He lurched himself from his slump and drifted towards the telescope. As he looked down the eyepiece, Jessica had a few precious seconds to check the app for her date’s name. John, okay I knew that.

He wasn’t Jessica’s normal type. She usually went for intellectuals. They weren’t complete nerds— none of her previous boyfriends had worn thick-lensed glasses or needed their inhaler every time she took her top off—but they were nerd-lite. A physics department at a university wasn’t exactly filled with muscle-bound hunks. However, DateFinder was, and the app had brought a beautiful, chiseled dum-dum into her observatory.

“Oh yeah?” John said.

“We call this type of event a ‘Great Conjunction’. They are extremely rare. It’s got everyone around here pretty excited.”

“Hmm.”

Jessica had no trouble filling awkward first date silences with talk about her work. She burned bright when she talked about it. Astronomy had captured her imagination when she was a child, and it had no intention of giving it back. Finding dates wasn’t much of an issue for Jessica, when she found the time to go on them. She was beautiful in a girl next door type of way—her eyes big and bright, her smile wide and infectious—but her obsession with work had driven her last two boyfriends away. That and her intimidating intelligence.

“Yeah, silly I guess.” Jessica paused. She had lost her flow and John’s piercing eyes looking down at her had her flustered. This was a stupid idea for a date. Of course he doesn’t care about planets. You don’t go on a date with someone who looks like this for the intellectual discussions. Just pivot! Say something! Change the subject! SPEAK!

“Would you like a drink?” Jessica pulled out a bottle of wine from her bag. “We shouldn’t really in here but everyone’s gone home.”

John smiled for the first time since Jessica had started her tour. “Now you’re talking.”

Jessica placed the bottle of Merlot and two wine glasses on a small table and pulled up two chairs. John sat down immediately and started inspecting the bottle. He was slowly rotating the bottle, looking intently at the label. “Know a lot about wine, do you?” Jessica said.

“What?” It seemed it didn’t take much for John to lose track of the conversation. “Oh, no. I was just looking to see what alcohol percentage is in this.” John carried on looking at the bottle. After far too long he found the magic number, “Oh, it’s only twelve per cent.”

“Sorry, is that bad? The guy in the shop said this was a really nice wine.”

“Well twelve per cent won’t get you that drunk. You know you can get wines that are around the eighteen to twenty per cent level. And they are usually really cheap. Just goes to show that you can stick a fancy label on something and say it was made ages ago and people will pay over the odds for it.”

“But it’s not the alcohol content that makes a good wine.” Maybe high alcohol percentages explain the lack of brain cells.

John scoffed. “What else is there?”

“Well, the taste for one thing. The balance of flavours, the aroma…” John’s brow furrowed. Small words, Jessica! “…the smell.”

“If you say so. All tastes the same to me.”

Jessica soon understood why. The wine was in the glass only momentarily. Jessica had seen shooting stars move slower than John downing a drink. This was an expensive bottle, you ignoramus. John put his glass down and refilled it, flashing a row of perfectly white teeth at Jessica and she responded by turning the colour of Mars. I guess it’s only money.

The subsequent twenty minutes went by a little easier, alcohol playing its trusted role as conversational lubricant. Jessica found she couldn’t shut John up once he was in a territory in which he felt comfortable. John was a personal trainer and shared stories about his latest gym routines and protein intake, encouraging Jessica to prod and squeeze various parts of his arms and chest. She laughed with a snort and blushed, catching herself every now and then, hoping none of her colleagues came in. I’m a respected scientist, I shouldn’t be behaving like a giddy schoolgirl. But my God, his arms. Anyway, I don’t have time for anything serious right now.

Jessica looked back at John doe-eyed and said, “I’m really glad we’re doing this. It might have been a mistake having the date at my workplace.”

“No, not at all. I did that once. I invited a girl from DateFinder to join me at the gym, but we didn’t work out.”

Jessica blurted out a laugh, almost spitting her wine over John. Oh, thank God he’s funny!

John looked back at her puzzled. His brow furrowing again as his mind chugged along slowly, trying to identify what was so amusing. If Jessica’s mind were a super-computer, by comparison, John’s mind was a homemade clockwork contraption.

“What’s so funny?” John said.

“Oh, I thought you just told a joke. ‘Didn’t work out’. Like working out… in a gym? Oh, nevermind…”

The silence returned as John’s brain still struggled to catch up. Above the couple, a faint buzzing tried its best to fill the void, emanating from the little lights speckled across the ceiling depicting the constellations in the Milky Way.

John picked up the bottle and topped up their glasses, draining what was left of the deep red Merlot. “About before. I’m sorry it was awkward. But you know all that space stuff. It’s just not my thing.”

“Oh right, well yeah I guess science isn’t everyone’s passion.”

“Well, it’s not that. I just don’t believe what you were saying,” said John.

Jessica’s mind instantly snapped back into focus, already sharpening her rebuttal. What does he think I got wrong? It can’t have been about the Great Conjunction. Some error in my facts about the solar system? And what does he know anyway?

“Look, I know this is your work, but when you talked about the Earth as a globe, I switched off. I mean, how can you possibly believe that? It’s so obvious the Earth is flat.”

Now the silence was passed awkward. Jessica was simply frozen in place, her mouth locked open. John broke the silence before Jessica could come to her senses, “Have you ever looked at the videos online? There are scientists who have done experiments that show the Earth is flat.”

Scientist?! Experiments?! How dare he speak like that in here?! It’s sacrilegious! This is a shrine to the universe, and he is defiling it. Jessica’s feet began to bounce under the table. This date is over. I don’t care how good looking he is, I can’t cope with this.

John carried on, “I mean, it’s basic stuff really. Some guy calculated what people say the curvature is supposed to be and he couldn’t see it. You can’t argue with science. It’s really about—”

“SHUT UP! Just shut up!” It was the matter-of-fact way John blasphemed that made Jessica snap. “How can you seriously think the Earth is flat? Not only is it an absolutely verifiable fact that the Earth is round, but why would people lie about it? Who has anything to gain from it?”

John didn’t look embarrassed or sheepish. He knew people thought he was stupid and just plain wrong. But he had seen the truth. “Well, the government, you know, the global world government. Industries would crumble if we all knew the truth. It’s about 5G masts.” John paused, the cogs had hit a snag and found it hard to start turning again. “Oh wait, no, ignore that, that’s something else.”

“All you have to do is watch a ship sail over the horizon – you see it disappear.” Jessica said. Her arguments were cocked and loaded; she could feel this was going to be messy. It was unfair, really. Like a heavy-weight boxer going 12 rounds with an infant. “What about all the actual photographs from space? You can literally see it’s round!”

“Doctored images. You see, what you don’t understand is…”

“What I don’t understand? Are you serious? I know what I’m talking about! I study the universe for crying out loud!” Jessica was now gesturing wildly with her arms. “I’ve studied the enormity of the universe and the complex mathematics that prove where it began. I will not have some neanderthal tell me one thing about…”

Mid-insult, Jessica’s right arm collided with her glass of merlot, and red wine hit John square in the chest.

“Oh shit! I just bought this shirt.” John slid his chair back, mumbled something incoherent and looked for something to wipe himself down with. With nothing around, John started to unbutton his shirt.

Serves him right. Flat Earth! I mean, come on! What an imbecile! What a stupid idio…

John finished unbuttoning his shirt and took it off. The wine had seeped through, adding a shine to his chiseled abs. His biceps were so large, Jessica wondered how he ever gets them into a shirt in the first place.

OH. MY. GOD. LOOK AT HIM. He might be dimmer than a black hole but his body has set off a super nova in my chest. Jessica steadies herself on the table. When did I stand up? And how am I suddenly so close to him?

“I... Well… Do you…” Jessica cleared her throat. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.” John used the clean parts of his shirt to dry himself. “I just get quite passionate about this stuff.”

“Don’t worry.” Again, his piercing blue eyes made Jessica swoon. For a moment she glimpsed sensitivity behind the bravado. “Is there a bathroom I can use to clean up?”.

“Sure, yes of course, sorry. Go out of that door and take a right.”

John nodded and walked past Jessica. He smelt amazing. His aftershave mixed with the red wine gave off hints of raspberry. Jessica had just read that scientists have discovered ethyl formate at the centre of the Milky Way, which just so happens to smell like raspberries. She stood at the table in quiet contemplation, performing mental gymnastics in her mind, trying to figure out how morally wrong it would be to ignore everything she knew to be true in the universe for one night of fun.

As John returned from the bathroom, he stood next to a diorama of the Moon landing. The lights from the exhibit hit John in a way that made him look statuesque.

“Look, maybe we can start again? Or at least move past the flat Earth thing? Agree to disagree?” John said.

Absolutely not.

“Sure,” said Jessica.

What am I saying?

“Maybe we could head out somewhere?” John said.

No way.

“Sure,” said Jessica.

What is happening?!

Jessica’s animal instincts had taken over. Like a school bully, a deep carnal side of herself had forced her logical self into a locker.

Touching John’s arm, Jessica said, “My place isn’t far. We can stick your shirt in the washer and find something to do while we wait.”

As she left Jessica looked up at the buzzing ceiling lights depicting the universe. From within the locker Jessica’s logical self conceded, I guess it’s just the law of attraction. It’s basic physics, really, and you just can’t argue with science.