The Domino Effect

Do you remember that look of disgust you received from a stranger at the grocery store? Do you remember the feeling of being less confident in your own skin or less worthy? Or maybe just less in general because, sometimes, it is difficult to pinpoint exactly what we are feeling. Or maybe you just felt unsettled because what did you do to deserve that?

If you cannot recall those days, maybe you can remember the days when you received a random compliment on your shoes or your new pair of earrings. Or maybe it was a small “thank you” for simply holding the door open for someone with their hands full. Do you remember how good you felt after something that small?

Now that we have found middle ground, let me explain the relation of those interactions to the Domino Effect.

In Physics, the Domino Effect states that when one behavior is altered, it causes a chain reaction and creates a shift in related behaviors. Now, I am not speaking of this in a physical aspect but more of a psychological one. When we have a rough day at work, or everything seems to be going wrong, we, as humans, naturally carry it with us throughout the day. We hold on to the grudges and the feelings because Why us, man? Why us. I am guilty of this too, we all are.

I have always been told to kill people with kindness regardless of their rude comments or attitude. Kill them with kindness. What does that even mean? Well, hold on to your britches, folks, because I am about to shed a light on it.

We are all human, and with being human, comes vulnerability. We are made to rely on each other, and be understanding and considerate. We are made with weak hearts in hopes we improve upon what we have been given. All of our energies are connected. You ever walk into a room and feel the tension without anyone speaking a word or looking at you, but your nerves spike all of a sudden? That is what I am referring to. We do not realize how intensely our emotions impact others. Unspoken words are able to radiate immense energy that influences another person’s energy, their emotions, their thoughts, and even as far as their actions.

To further explain, you remember that stranger at the grocery store that gave you that rude look I spoke of earlier? What do we do after that? We make assumptions. Not necessarily about them, but about ourselves. We think to ourselves, What did I do? Did I dress too provocatively or is my hair out of place? Did I do something weird? Our comfort in our own skin has shifted into something tedious because of one person’s expression.

Now, I know what you may be thinking, and the answer is yes. Something seemingly meaningless may affect someone in such a way that it alters their state of mind, and I also know we can all relate to this at some point in our lives.

After our assumptions are made, what happens next? We second guess ourselves. We become reserved. We may no longer want to compliment someone’s dress because we think they may take it the wrong way, or we don’t want to draw extra attention to ourselves. We may not want to go out of our way to be nice to someone because being nice to strangers is an odd thing in today’s world and people question our intentions. We may snap at someone who tells us our tag is sticking out because we were silently waiting for someone to attack us. If something as minute as a look can have such profound effects, imagine our words and inflections.

Would you like to know the secret to dealing with the negative influence you encountered? You kill them with kindness. You remember that negativity roots from within them, it has nothing to do with you. It has something to do with their own hearts and their own view of how they feel about themselves. That look of disgust could have been rooted from jealousy? Because you look so damn good in that outfit and they never thought they could pull it off. Or from lack of understanding? Because you cracked a joke at a, seemingly, inappropriate time, and they go without realizing that is how some people handle uncomfortable situations or stress. Or even if you compliment them and it’s out of the blue, that look may be from confusion? Because why is someone going out of their way to say something to them, even if it is in a friendly demeanor. So you kill them with kindness like crushing a cockroach. You crush that negativity straight at the source! For example, today I went to get some gas and I looked pretty damn cute, if I may say so myself, and this older woman next to me was staring at me with a weird look. You know what I did? I asked her if she was doing alright today and the conversation seemed cold at first, but it changed the more we spoke and we told each other to have beautiful days. THAT is what I am talking about. You confront them with grace and beauty. And yes! It is hard sometimes when you already feel judged, but you remember that they are the ones with an issue, not you.

And after spending an enormous amount of time reflecting on my own behaviors and attitudes, and reasoning with others and their actions, I have concluded that we are all not so different in the sense of dealing with our emotions. I have an incredibly long journey ahead of me still, with setbacks in between my emotional growth. Though with each setback, it brings a new perspective, or understanding that I overlooked before. The understanding of how to handle negative or hateful people is one of them, because I would always give a snarky retort which escalated the tension, and since I have changed my mindset and learned how to overwhelm people with that positive energy, my experiences have almost always ended on a happy note rather than both of us walking about angry.

Now, let’s jump into the complete polar opposite: positivity, or in today’s terms, good vibes. When we go out of our way to compliment someone or lend a hand, what happens? We see their faces light up, maybe not through an ear to ear smile, but through their eyes. Eyes really are a window into the soul and into one’s heart. Anguish, enjoyment, passion, determination, all emotions can be seen, not by just acknowledging someone, but by genuinely seeing them and investing yourself in them. We see their eyes light up and we feel so good afterwards because we could have just made their day, or relieved an insecurity they were having and we relate to that. Relate to the feelings we have if we spend hours trying to look nice, or hours doing a task at work in order for it to be perfect, and no one takes the time to notice. Why even try if no one cares enough to notice?

Secretly, we are all expecting something from someone and when we feel our expectations are not being met, we stop trying to be friendly and considerate, or just stop trying, in general. Here is the thing, though: EXPECT NOTHING and you will always be surprised. Do nice things because that is just how you are. One act of kindness works in the same way as one rude encounter. It creates a stir of emotions. It plants a thought in someone's mind. It starts with one little mustard seed sized imprint on their soul and can either spread throughout their body and their mind or it will diminish, so that means be ruthless. Let your heart be unwavering and relentless against the judgments and scrutiny we are surrounded by. Against the hateful energies of the selfishness that comes with being late or rushing. Do something for someone today, compliment someone, hold the door open for the people behind you, buy someone's coffee if you see them scavenging their pockets for change. Do anything! And do it with grace and respect of the individual; otherwise, there is no point in even doing it.

Be that spark in someone's day, and see how it affects you in the long run. ;)