The Distressing Truth Of Love and Fear

The Distressing Truth Of Love and Fear

Something was strange about the entire scene. The garden party the lights, the beautiful woman that stood inches away from my face. She smelled like a lemon in a field of roses. Her short black curls and her red carpet worthy dress only aided her in her beauty. She had something. She had dirt on me. Maybe that’s why I stepped forward into her arms so willingly. Why I whispered into her ear my lips brushing her neck ever so slightly. She seemed to enjoy my presence. So I stayed.

Each moment looking her in the eyes for her approval. For a sign of weakness. I had things to hide and she was so smug about it. She kept on her conversations with others as I held her. They paid no mind to me and I to them. Her soft skin touching mine. Her calmness made me angry as I was waiting for her to blush or smile. To feel her temperature rise.

An iron wall of my pride kept me from going too far. Yet my heart still raced telling me to stop. Screaming at me to stop, to run, to lie, to hide. The people she was speaking to left leaving the two of us together. My back had shivered as she looked directly at me. I was on her lap at this point looking up as she seemed to tower over me. She smiled, not one of joy but one of someone who had just won a game of chess with ease. Her eyeshadow was perfect and little freckles seemed to peak through her make up. Before I knew it I was being kissed. Something surged up my back causing me to shiver uncontrollably. Forcing me to pull away and drop to the ground.

I was kneeling before her shivering despite there being no cold. I couldn’t help but grit my teeth as I hung my head low hands gripping the ends of her dress. Beg for mercy, beg for a way to pay off her loose lips or dare to let her kiss you again. There was still a hunger that I never felt before. To be loved by someone even if its just pretend. To pretend to love someone for the sake of never letting go. Was this what people called love? An excuse to take care of someone to treat them like they are the world. Something about that philosophy was sick. Something is wrong I know but I don’t know what it is. There is only a void in which I assume that feeling exists for other people. Was whatever this feeling was comparable to the illusive love?

“You okay sweetie?” Her voice was almost as soft as her dress, she leaned forward slightly as I looked up. How condescending. I felt my throat tighten as I stared into her innocent expression that only made the water in my eyes swell up more. It didn’t matter if people behind me noticed or were staring. I couldn’t keep my composure as words failed to fall out my mouth. You need to let me go. You need to promise me you won’t hurt me. I told you everything and now I tremble before the power you hold. The power I gave you. So many more things I wish to say but won’t.

“No-I’m not” I somehow pried my hands away from her dress and turned to face the party-goers stiffening my shoulders and keeping my chin down as I left. She didn’t bother to reach out to stop me. I bet she didn’t even give me second glance.

Authors Note: lol I wrote this whole piece in like an hour but it's been like a year and I have no idea with where the story could go past this that would be satisfying. You will most likely never see something like this from me again.