The Crossroads in Relationships

I am not the only person who has had their heartbroken once or twice, but can we please take the time to talk about how heartbreaking it is when you don't even know what the relationship even is?

Having stability and knowing where you stand feels safe and comfortable but never knowing what you mean to the other person and are constantly playing the question 'do i mean as much to them as they do to me?' is probably one of the worst feelings there is.

I have had many relationships in my lifetime, many long and many short. There have been a few that have left me wondering if that was gonna be the person I spend the rest of my life with but I have always managed to be wrong.

Until I met them.

For privacy reasons, let's call them X.

X and I had been friends for many years before it had even begun to change into something different. It was beautiful and real and I thought I had finally found something special.

That was until they had started talking to other people and acting as if whatever we had wasn't anything more. I thought I had finally found someone who was happy with who I was but this whole thing has left me second-guessing my worth and how to move forward.

They are still my friend, my best friend, however, watching and listening to them talking or talk about other potential love interests of them makes me want to be sick everywhere and crawl into a ball and cry for hours.

I decided I would try my hardest to get over X but it has proved to be very difficult as they are a huge part of my life and this isn't something that I want to ruin our very important close friendship. The best thing they say to move on from someone is distanace and thats something I cannot do.I can't distance myself from them, ergo, crossroads.

I think this is a story of 'know your worth' because i simply do not.

I would love to just blame my very real self-esteem issues on my past relationships (being cheated on numerous times does it's wonders) however, i feel like this is just another thing I have to thank my parents for.

growing up i hadto fight for their attention and love and i bleieve it's because i have it conditioned in my brain that i have to work for love. earn it, that i find myself drawn to people where i am in the position of working for that romance.

in hindsight, it's stupid and irrational and deep down, i know that.

i shouldn't have to work for that love and i realise now that the best thing for me to do is focus on fixing all the underlying issues i have. i need to stop sweeping how i feel, how i feel about X treating me this way and work on outcomes that make me happy.

at the end of the day, i will always have myself by my side and thats who i should focus on making love me. i need to learn how to love myself.

I want everyone to learn from my very many mistakes and take action when it comes to this crossroads. Confront the person if you feel safe to do so, ask the important questions that you need for your own sanity.

You deserve those answers. you deserve that closure so reach for it.

Anyone who loves you and deserves should be proud to be with you. Don't ever forget that.