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The Couple Trust Can Be Learned

Can you learn it?

By Jim CharlesPublished 4 years ago 4 min read
The Couple Trust Can Be Learned
Photo by Milan Popovic on Unsplash

Trust is one of the most important factors for any couple when it comes to building a lasting relationship.

Long-term relationships in which trust has proven to be the mainstay over time are not relationships that have never been or have been too few times tested. These are the relationships in which both partners manage to overcome the events that led at one point to the loss or diminution of trust.

In a healthy relationship, both partners need to be honest and transparent, open to each other, and at the same time allow themselves to be vulnerable.

Trust cannot be built if only one partner wants it and the other does not. The process to be completed is done in two and requires the establishment of a mutual agreement. So, as the relationship progresses, consider the following:

Are you always present for each other?

This question refers not only to the mere physical presence but also to the emotional one. How often does your partner listen to you and support you? Is it sensitive to your problems, worries, and fears? Does he show you compassion and sincerely care about you in those moments?

A trustworthy person will always prove it to you. It also means that he is confident that you know what is best for you. A partner who tells you that he knows better how you feel and what to do is not a partner you can rely on.

Another important thing in a healthy relationship is to be sure that no matter what your future holds, your partner will not react in a way that affects you physically or emotionally. Everyone deserves to be in a relationship with someone who can resolve conflicts in a healthy way, in which respect prevails.

Is there enough empathy?

Empathy is different from sympathy and is indispensable in a relationship. It takes a certain level of empathy to understand how your partner is and the life experience that has shaped him or her to become what he or she is today. Try to estimate from time to time to what extent your partner's needs are met and put yourself in his place for a few moments.

When there is empathy in the relationship, the emotional connection leads to increased trust. Empathy cannot exist without communication. By communication, we mean not only the one-way transmission of messages but also the ability to listen.

Avoid email or phone communication. Effective communication means time spent together.

In the desire to build trust, do your actions have consistency?

Each of us has a certain level of trust when we are in a relationship, a trust that results from the consistency of our actions. The first things to look out for are small but extremely important things that show respect for your partner, such as punctuality.

Other important aspects are the ability to maintain confidentiality regarding issues strictly related to the couple's relationship, as well as respect for personal barriers.

These attitudes do not suddenly apply in the couple's life, but develop over time, requiring exercise on both sides. To succeed, communication and awareness of our actions are very important.

Do you have the courage to say things by name?

Trust is built on transparency in actions and sincerity in expressing feelings. Secrets erode relationships very quickly, so it is desirable to act following what you feel or want, both personally and in the relationship you have.

The simplest thing you should think about and have probably had the opportunity to check at some point is that everything you hide from your partner will come to light at some point.

When you hide something from your partner, this is seen in what you do, and the energy consumption involved in such an attitude generates behavior that will seem suspicious. Therefore, it is best, to be honest with both your partner and yourself.

Another impetus you can have as a result of these fears is to control your partner excessively.

This behavior is not healthy at all and shows a lack of confidence. Moreover, such an attitude will only lead to the deterioration of the relationship over time, because the partner will approach a defensive attitude and will think twice before telling you certain things.

What you need to know is that no matter how much you want to have control over a relationship, you can't have control over a person. If he's there, it's because he still wants to. Do not dismiss it with such an attitude.

Don't panic if the relationship is sometimes put to the test

This is an extremely important aspect of building a solid relationship. You can't start from the premise that everything will always be perfect. Without going through less pleasant moments, it will be impossible to see how strong your relationship is.

At the same time, it means trying to avoid making your partner jealous just to see how he reacts in those moments.

You need to be aware that every relationship has ups and downs and that this is natural. It often happens that the relationship gets stuck without you or your partner want it.

Accept that some things cannot be controlled and that life will often put you in a very difficult position to make choices, but all of these situations will test your level of tolerance. Although they are unpleasant, they eventually lead to a better understanding, amid increased adaptability.

My trust has been deceived in the past, how can I believe again?

There are two possibilities: lack of trust may be a pre-existing condition or it may occur in a couple when one of the partners is not sincere in their actions. Thus, it is very important to know if it occurs as a result of actions, or if it has always been there.

If this attitude is the result of a failed relationship in the past, you must remember that the new partner is not the old partner and it is not healthy to start from the premise that things will be repeated now. Also, this is not an excuse to check your partner all the time.

If you feel that you can't trust another person, it's best to take a step back and wait for the right moment to start a new relationship.

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