The Chronicles of a Poly-amorous Lesbian

Like most stories involving love and heartbreak, be it timeless Shakespeare classic or a novel you find at airports to pass the time between flights...it all started with a girl...

Travel with me back in time a ways, where the time wasn't necessarily simpler, but people fooled themselves into believing it was.

The year was 1995. As I counted down the days to my tenth birthday, I explored the new domain I found myself inhabiting. At the start of the hot, southeast Texas summer my parents moved me from Northshore, which if you're familiar with Houston, you'll know that in 1995 the area was becoming gang-land territory.

So here I was in Tomball Texas. Back in this time there wasn't much there but land with a population of just under twelve thousand. Making friends wasn't ever a problem for me, and by the end of the summer I knew most of the kids my age in the neighborhood, the surrounding woods I often explored, and the general lay of the land within the boundaries I had; which was plentiful.

On the first day of fifth grade, I met her. While I didn't have a word for it, I knew from an early age that I liked girls. In my house, it was never an issue. I was raised to bring home a girlfriend no differently than I would a boyfriend, so these feelings I experienced didn't send fears running through me as the thought that I was wrong...what my family would think...etc...

It never crossed my mind as I watched her, transfixed. Eventually, I made my way over and introduced myself. She was sitting alone and away from the general crowd of the busy classroom. Her red hair stood out among all the blondes and brunettes of the thirty kids in the room. She looked at me as I occupied the chair next to her and I smiled and a bright hello! and a small wave.

Her green eyes were strikingly vibrant as our eyes met, her smile melting me in an instant. But there was something else behind her eyes that I understood, something that magnetized me to her. And her to me. It was an understanding that we never spoke of during our brief friendship, but one we both knew we shared.

The friendship between us was immediate and strong, as it is sometimes with people. Kids are no different in that aspect. Sometimes you just...click...with another person.

There was always a sadness about her, within her eyes, hidden in her smile and behind her laugh. I never asked her about it. I didn't have to, to know what it was. I knew because it was the same pain that I hid, only I've always been better at hiding than she what I feel. I treasured our time together, and within that time, I found that I wanted to ease the pain I saw within her. I wanted to make her laugh until she couldn't breathe (which wouldn't have been good, as I later found out she has asthma), I wanted to make her forget, if only for a few hours, what it was that hurt her so badly. I wanted to protect her in the only way that I knew how to at ten. I wanted those green eyes to shine and shine at me.

She wanted, one evening, to go see Titanic at the local theater. She had not seen it. I had. At the end of the movie...you know, when Jack is freezing to death and she's hogging the door...I looked over to my left and I saw she was crying. As many girls and women did in this particular iconic scene.

I remember this as if it happen moments ago...

I looked over and frowned at her tears. I didn't like seeing her crying and sad for any reason. I had dedicated the last year or so at this point to making her laugh. To making the sadness vanish from her heart. I took her hand in mine and in this action she looked at me. I smiled gently and began saying, loud enough for all to hear, how she needs to move the hell over and share the damned door if she loved him so much. "How you just gonna let him freeze to death? There's room enough for you both! What, you can sleep with him, but rich girls can't share floating doors with poor guys?" And such things as that...with the explicit purpose in making her laugh. And laugh she did.

Of all of my life accomplishments to that point, that one was my highest.

She's absolutely beautiful when she smiles.

At the age of twelve we went our separate ways, for reasons I won't go into detail about. Reasons I didn't understand until only a few years ago after a twenty-two year absence.

During those passing years there wasn't a day that went by where I didn't think about her. I wondered what it was that made her disappear from my life. I wondered if I would ever see her again. If I would ever hear her voice, her laughter. See her smile. Be the reason for that smile. I hoped so.

And one no so special day I received a message from those green eyes that always haunted me. And now I find myself wanting those same things from back then, only more so. Deeper. They say time makes the heart grow fonder...I don't know how true that is in a general sense...but in this case, it's spot on.

I find myself trying always to make her laugh. To make her forget everything that makes her cry. I want to show her that not all love hurts. I want to show her a world she never thought she'd have. A happy one. A safe one. A world where she's loved.