The Chocolate Trap

Its like I take two steps forwards and one step back. The rocks sliding under my damp old shoes, I can feel the sweat streaming down my cheeks and off my face. I can feel that deep burn radiating through both legs as I hurl myself up over the last meter and onto the flat. Falling to the ground I brace myself and smoothly transition to my back continuing to breath heavy. As I lie down staring into the sky my mind drags me towards the exuding pain throughout my body. I dream of water and how one sip would wash over my desert tongue and down the back of my pulsating throat.

After enough time lying in the dirt, my heart rate slows, and I can feel the cold breeze chilling my sweat. As I slowly force myself up, I can feel the dirt and grass sticking to my back. As I stand there at the top of the mountain, I look down the old overgrown dirt track that leads all the way down to the house I have been so familiar with my entire life. Above the deceptively small house the endless mountain ranges stretch as far as the eye can see. It feels dehumanizing that slow gruelling walk back down the mountain. The wind rustling the grass and trees as the sun continues its slow decent over the distant mountains. As I continue to balance myself trying not to trip and slide on loose rocks and dirt, that once small timber house continues to grow.

I only think of gold now, I do not let myself think of anything else. The Olympic games are six months away, and I know that this will be like no challenge I have ever faced. Top athletes will congregate from all around the world, entire countries will stop, and champions will be crowned. In the build up to these games I have moved away from the distant distraction that was once home. Out of the city and into my old rural house with my parents. I need the farm; it keeps me grounded. There are mountains covered with thick bush and fresh food. I’m not sure if I’ve ever been this isolated living off fresh produce grown ourselves. Its like magic how it makes the body feel, but I need this energy, I need to be at the absolute pinnacle of my physical ability if I am going to make my nation proud.

My parents help, they understand how important this next six months will be and I will continue the disciplined grind day in and day out. They do try and push me to go out, hangout with friends but I know how easily twisted the mind can be. It does not take much for the human vulnerabilities to take grasp of the mind and twist one’s actions. All I know is I cannot let myself slip; I will compete against the most discipline athletes from all over the world. I will not make a fool of myself, especially carrying a nation on my shoulders.

I have scheduled the hours of training and researching each day to ensure I peak at the perfect time, nothing in this world can be left up to chance. This is the only way win or lose I will be satisfied. If I lose, I must be able to say I did everything I could. There cannot be any doubt or any angle of guilt in my mind. This is the opportunity I have built for my entire life, and only I can take it away now.

I am three months out now, and have not left the property once, I think my parents are starting to get worried, I do not think even they knew how much punishment Id give myself. Every day I train, and every day I break my mind, piece by piece I tear it apart and rebuild like a complex jigsaw puzzle. I allow myself to access only the darkest thoughts of weakness, forcing myself to push through pain. Knowing that if one forgets the mentality of pain, one will push through well beyond their mind originally thought possible.

Life is easy on the farm, we feed the cows, sheep, chickens and pigs every day. It all seems so quiet; I think back to living in the city and life was so high paced. Although I am training more than I ever have, I know its only possible while away from modern distractions.

I am two weeks out now, and my mind is in a state of war. It is travel time now, and the real work is done. I packed the car the night before and drive throughout the day. I have packed food enough as to not need to leave the house once getting to the city, for tomorrow I am scheduled to fly out. I have spent months in isolation building up to these games and no more precautions can be made.

Its go time, I get up cook breakfast and shower. Today is the first time being in the city since starting training so many months ago, I have avoided the modern temptations for so long and know to avoid them while I can. Its ten in the morning when I schedule my Uber for the airport, and when I exit facemask on, I cannot help but feel jittery. I am about to leave the country I vowed to represent. I spent all this time in isolation while the world seemingly burned around me, with political friction and senseless killing all over the globe. Dam I wish I did not have to leave; nothing feels better than the protection of familiar soil. Home truly guards one’s insecurities, but with the current state in which the world is fractured with tension and hate I owe this to myself.

Walking through the airport, my gate is at the far end. As I am approaching my gate there is a small café lined with books, sweets, magazines and that dam cabinet. As I walk bye my eyes follow the large sliced up chocolate cake. I imagine the smooth chocolate center clenched into my teeth, with the warm gooey center falling down my throat. Dam looking at it now, I ask myself how bad it could be, promptly I fight with my thoughts. I have worked to hard and come to far to slip now, but man that slice of chocolate cake, sprinkled with flake and frosting will continue to torture my mind.

I understand how excessive consumption grasps human life; it seems obvious forcing myself to walk past that hated cabinet. It is the first time I have been exposed to the modern-day temptation, that plagues western civilization, in what feels like a lifetime. The chocolate trap continues to linger in my thoughts long into the flight and away from home. For now, the work is done. For now, there is only one thing left. The chocolate trap avoided, now war is all that is left.