The Blue Marble Man

It was a Tuesday. The man was sitting with his jaw clenched. A bead of sweat ran down his right sideburn. The anticipation in the doctor's office was palpable. As the clock ticked, the man's focus dissolved into a daydream.

A soft knock on the door brought him back to reality.

Slicked hair, bushy eyebrows and a foreboding expression, the doctor came into the office with a manilla folder in hand. The white coat gave the doctor a sense of power and his stethoscope gave him a look of authority.

Strapping on his readers, the doctor looked at the man and said “Looks like it’s someone's birthday today.”

The man nodded with assurance. “Well happy birthday.”

A pause entered the room and the energy shifted.

“I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, especially today.” The patient’s heart tripled in speed as he swallowed the doctor's words. His pointer finger scraped against the side of his thumb trying to hide the angst. Hyper-focused on the folder, the man was frozen.

“Let me cut to the chase. Stage 4 pancreatic cancer,” the doctor said. The man's heart went from an eager unrest to a surreal feeling.

As the doctor explained the diagnosis, the man drifted into a dazed daydream.

Out the window the man saw his fifty nine years of life. Glimpses and moments that brought him joy, pain and everything in between. He saw himself blowing out the candles at his 5th birthday party, burying his first dog and graduating college. He saw himself in his twenties painting and driving along the PCH. He saw his wedding day- the day in which his promise was the only thing that mattered. He saw the proudest day in his life - the day he became a father. It was a highlight reel for the man's life. He tried to press pause and stop it , but he had no control over the images that flashed before him.

He wasn’t used to whatever this feeling was. The clock was still ticking in the background - a metaphor for the man’s expectations about his future. The doctor paused slightly, allowing the man time to gather himself.

The doctor then continued to talk.

Sir, “ I know this is tough, but there are things we can do that give you a chance to beat this disease. I want to go over some treatment options with you and perhaps look ahead on your calendar as to when we might be able to start radiation.”

The doctor was attempting to talk to a man who wasn't there. Physically, the man’s outer shell continued to sit in the doctor’s office. On the inside, however, the man was broken. Over and over in his mind, he kept repeating the same thing: “This can’t be real.” But it was.

He looked out the window. A blue jay landing on a nearby tree caught his attention. The bird skipped along the branch, mimicking a hopscotch maneuver. The man’s eyes focused on the bird and its movement. The vivid blue feathers were mesmerizing and the man once again drifted into a daydream.

He then saw himself at the helm of a sailboat, slicing through a vast ocean, hair blowing in the breeze and his family enchanted with the experience. The man smiled even more broadly than before with the thought of his whole family sailing together. It did not cross his mind that he had never owned a sailboat. The fact that he had frequently explored that possibility was good enough for him at that moment.

He then saw himself cutting a blue ribbon, opening up a charity for disadvantaged youths. The man's throat got heavy. He had always wanted to start a non-profit, but fear, doubts and legal concerns always paralyzed him.

As the doctor murmured on, the man realized that he had moved beyond his life story into the future. He was picturing all the things he was planning to do after retirement.

“Even with radiation, I would estimate you have around 2-3 months left,” the doctor interjected, breaking the man’s trance. “Sir, are you listening to me?” the doctor asked.

“Left…..” he thought.

Left.

Left. It rang in his head. That singular word pierced his soul. He looked out the window again and saw something that captured his attention.

Inspiration struck. The man hastily thanked the doctor for his time and scurried out of the office. He jumped into his car as if every second mattered - as if he now knew he had only a few left. Time was of the essence.

The man drove to the store. He scanned the aisles with a spring in his step that betrayed his diagnosis received only minutes before. He approached the counter with a mason jar and a bag of blue marbles.

“Someone is feeling blue,” the lady behind the register said, as she looked at all the blue marbles.

“You could say that,” the man replied with a wry smile. “That will be $15.35. Would you like to donate and help the Children's Literacy Foundation?” the lady asked. His initial reaction was “no thank you.” “You receive this little black book and a free book mark,” the lady said, repeating the words her manager had used in a training session earlier that day. The man explained that he was always skeptical of such promotions because he never knew where his money was going. She laughed and then added “In this case, I know exactly where this money is going. Trust me.” He pulled out a $20 bill and handed it to her “ Well….in God we trust . And you, too.” Her blue eyes glistened and she handed him the black notebook.

When the man got home, he hugged his wife and took off his tie. He walked into his study and placed the empty jar next to a picture frame. He opened his new black book and on the cover it said “Write Your Story .”

After dinner he broke the news to his family. His daughters were devastated. His wife fell to her knees in disbelief. He reinforced to them that he was going to be fine. His wife knew him the best and could tell from his voice that he was, in fact, downplaying the prognosis.

Later that night, the man turned on the lamp in his study and started to write. He made the decision that he was going to do the things he always wanted to in life. He was choosing to look at his time left as an opportunity, not a ticking time bomb. Any time he felt like he got the most out of a particular day, he would drop a blue marble into his jar. For the man, the blue marble represented a day in which he felt alive and present.

The man went skydiving; he volunteered his time at several non-profit organizations and even started one of his own. And he took his family sailing in the Caribbean. He laughed harder and cried openly. He gave more and took less. He spent extra time with his kids and savored time with his wife.

As his life began to fill . . . so did his jar.

The man was truly living.

Two months passed and the man was getting weak. His muscles were smaller and he no longer had hair as a result of the chemo treatments. Despite the physical roadblocks, his spirit was high.

Eleven days later the man died.

His family was distraught, but they were comforted by two months’ worth of amazing memories.

After a couple of months, the man’s wife mustered up the courage to go through his things. She walked into his study and turned on the lamp. His scent alone brought tears. She yearned for his physical presence. On his desk she noticed a jar; and it was full of blue marbles. Next to the full jar was his black book.

The book contained a written history of the last two and a half months of the man's life. His wife’s heart filled with joy as she read the recorded accounts. Near the end, he had written “while the people, places and things in your life are truly incredible, it's your mindset that no one can ever take away. Each one of these blue marbles is so different and so unique and so beautiful. Don't wait for your diagnosis; go fill up your jar today.”

A year later the Children's Literacy Foundation opened up a beautiful building. The lady who worked at the store that the man walked into after his doctor’s visit was the volunteer responsible for raising the most money and, as a result, got the honor of cutting the ribbon.While most of the donations came $5, $10 and $20 at a time, it was one particularly large donation that gave her the win.

A couple months prior, she had received a letter and a check for $20,000 made payable to the Foundation. There was no return address. But inside, there was a short note that read “I hope this helps. In God we trust; and you, too.” -- The Blue Marble Man.