The Blind Date Disaster

I was going to murder my best friend, ok, maybe not literally, but I was definitely getting back at her for this blind date from hell. ‘Jack’s a cool guy!’ she said, ‘it’ll be fun!’ She said, oh yeah, this was about as fun as getting a tooth pulled without medication. I gave a near-silent huff and took a long sip of my Merlot

Charlotte was definitely going to pay for this one. I turned back into my date’s rant about someone at his work who annoyed him for some reason, somehow, I doubted that this person had it in for him as he claimed. “...don't you agree Sara?” He asked. I grit my teeth and exhaled slowly through my nose as I closed my eyes, begging the universe for the will not to deck this idiot right where he sat. “Sophie.” I reminded him, for the seventh time. “What?” he asked dumbly, looking confused

“My name is Sophie, not Sara, or Shannon or Stacey, or any of the other names you’ve called me, S-O-P-H-I-E. Sophie.” I said, irritation dripping from my voice. The idiot -which was now my official name for him- rolled his eyes. “Right well Sophie. I'm a pretty important guy, I can’t always remember a name,” he said condescendingly.

I sneered. “Right because the assistant manager position at Samuel’s house of fun is right up there with the world leaders, I’m sure those 11-year-olds will loudly proclaim your bounce houses and trampolines are second to none, and your cheeseballs are the best in the country,” I said sarcastically. Jack’s face turned bright red. “At least I’m not a boring bitch, you’ve barely said a word all night!” He replied hotly.

I stood up abruptly, well aware that more than one person in the restaurant was watching the spectacle. I grabbed the half-empty bottle of Merlot and smirked at the dimwit. “Well, this ‘boring bitch’ has had just about enough of your ridiculous boasting about every unimportant detail of your pathetic life. Consider this date, officially over!” I yelled, I then poured the rest of the wine directly over the jackass’s head before calmly placing it on the table.

“What the fuck! That bottle cost me 50 dollars you psychotic bitch!” I gave him the finger as I grabbed my coat off the back of the chair. “Like I care!” I snapped before turning around and storming out of the restaurant. I yanked on my coat as I stormed down the dark street, guided by the glow of the streetlights. Mistake number one had been letting that idiot drive me to the restaurant.

I was sure my feet were not going to thank me for walking the ten blocks home in 5-inch heels, but I would rather deal with the blisters than sit in a car with that oaf for any length of time.

“Sophie, is that you?” a voice called, I turned abruptly to see a sedan had pulled up beside me, and there, leaning towards the passenger door from the driver’s seat was my neighbor, Devon. I smiled happily. “Hey, Dev, what brings you out tonight?” I asked, approaching the car. He leaned over further and unlocked the passenger’s door for me, I simply got in without comment, funnily enough, this wasn’t the first time I had ran into Devon after coming home from a bad date.

“I just came from Amber’s, We broke it off for good this time,” he said, smiling slightly. I gave him a once-over. “Hmm, no bruises, she didn’t throw anything this time?” I said casually. He snorted in amusement. “Of course she did, I just learned to duck,” he said dryly. I bit my bottom lip. “Why’d she break it off this time?” I asked as he pulled off.

I noticed a faint blush cover Devon’s cheeks as he fixed his eyes on the road ahead. “Ah, apparently she came to the realization that I had the wrong equipment.” He said, glancing not so subtly at his pants. I blinked before I furrowed my brow in confusion. “Oh, so, if she realized she was lesbian then why did she throw something at you?” I asked

He rolled his eyes. “Apparently as her boyfriend I should have noticed she prefered the fairer sex and kindly informed her, she was very angry that I didn't,” he said, clearly amused. I simply shook my head, I had stopped wondering at Amber’s particular brand of crazy long ago. “It gets better.” He supplied. I cocked an eyebrow at him as if to ask how it could get any better, or worse, depending on the point of view

“Apparently I'm homophobic because I wasn’t interested in staying friends,” He said. I scoffed. “Did she forget that your younger sister, who you spoil rotten, is in fact, lesbian as well?” I asked. “Must’ve slipped her mind,” he said. I simply shook my head. “What about you Soph? Tonight was supposed to be that blind date Charlotte set up, right? How’d that turn out? Pour a smoothie over some idiot’s head again?” he teased.

I sniffed snobbishly as I slightly lifted my nose in the air. “No.” I said, waiting a beat, “It was Merlot,” I added. Devon snorted. “Duly noted,” he said. I sighed dramatically, “I suppose this means I haven’t broken my streak.” I said, Devon’s eyebrows raised. “What streak?” he asked. “My long streak of bad first dates, I have, to this day not gone on a good first date,” I said simply. “Never?” He asked, “Not a one, I have decided that I will never go on a good first date and I should just prepare for the inevitable.” I said with a sigh.

Devon grinned wickedly as he suddenly turned down 7th street, in the opposite direction of our houses. "Challenge accepted.” He said. I simply stared at him, amused, after a moment, I pulled myself together enough to respond. “Very well, proceed at the risk of your own clothing,” I said smirking. He smirked back at me, “We’re going to McDonald’s, no Merlot there.” he said smugly. “No, but they do have smoothies,” I said innocently.

The look on his face was priceless.