The Black White Kid

"We will name him Geoffrey," my parents decided with the notation of acceptance in European countries.

I had always stood out... or disappeared in the background depending on the social crowd. I was top of every academic subject in school including English which was astonishing as I had only arrived from an African country a few years ago which the Head Master deemed as behind.

As a teen growing up in East London before the millennium I didn't succumb to the pressures of fitting in. I was fine with my three friends; Mo the Somalian poet, Yan the Russian genius and Tolu the Nigerian comedian. We were a mixed bag, not very popular in school but my football skills were about to change the dynamic of our friendship and my social status.

There's something about being good at a sport in school that automatically elevates your social position. Once I settled into the school football team I was invited to hang out with the black boys and finally attend house parties. Even girls noticed me and they laughed at whatever I said.

"Why have you got such an old man's name?" A girl I liked asked. I played it off and carried on but it dawned on me. I felt uncomfortable and I had sacrificed my loyal friends to fit in, I had succumbed and even worse my grades were suffering. I knew she really wanted to say 'why have you got such a white name' but instead improvised. I back tracked from their presence in attempt to recover my grades and make good with my neglected friends.

"Stop being so white." Easton, the captain of the football team yelled across the playground in response to me turning down a house party days before our SATs exams.

What made me 'white'? I asked myself several times. My dad had instilled the value of education into me. Is my intelligence making me seem white? Was it the way I talked? I examined. Slang was ripe in my predominantly black community but I was brought up a diplomat in wealthy Pretoria, South Africa and we spoke Collins dictionary English and that translated in my English grades. My slang was put on, I could see through this and I'm sure they could also. Was it my upbringing as later on even my own cousins would deem me as 'being white' despite my skin having the same level of melanin as their own (well slightly fewer).

I never stayed in a school for too long due to family issues. From year 6 to year 11 I had attended five different schools with four of them being either extremely white, asian or black. My last two years in school were spent in a predominantly white school, one up in Telford, Shropshire and the second in Romford, Essex. I can't say this was strategic of my father as he saw my grades had fallen after spending two years in the "ghetto" of Canning Town but my focus was back. It became harder to build ties because I had let go of so many friends in the transition so I solely focused on studies.

The black white boy label grew stronger as I returned to London amongst my siblings and cousins. I spoke differently, I dressed differently to them and I dated a white girl at the time...matter of fact my next 3 girlfriends were white. Had I accepted their stereotype or was this a self fulfilling prophecy? Now 31 my life has taken shape. A failed engagement with a Lithuanian girl caused me to crawl back to my people. Did my experience with her lead me to label other white girls? If I'm being honest, to an extent but so did my first real relationship with a black girl of 5 years. I painted all black girls after her for years!

Today I still live with the 'oreo' stereotype but I believe I have the best of both worlds inside me and I accept myself for it. If you relate to this in some form or another just know that it's ok to be different and not fit into people's typical stereotypes, you are enough.