The Black Book

The pandemic played a significant role in the Chicago area. Many businesses were closed down due to the economic turmoil. I was at the peak of closing the one place I built with my hands. Who am I? I’m just a small town girl from Madison with a vision for success . My name is Emerald and I am a beautician or at least I was one. I lived on the north side of Chicago. moved there a few years ago, to pursue my dreams in the beauty industry. All the years I spent on a foundation came to a complete halt and I had far more to worry about than a closed salon. It was Friday, no different than any other weekend and I arrived late at the salon. The place was full , some high end clients, a few stylists and my manager Stacy. The ladies in the salon were either providing service or receiving it. The ladies played a role in the salon and in their lives. Some of my clients were successful entrepreneurs, doctors, lawyers even go getters like myself. I was the only one that took private appointments and this day I decided to not take any. The hours went by as I stood still in my suite and gazed out the window as the cars drove by on Michigan Ave, I hoped for a turnaround but that day never came. I had a lfree time to spare so I decided to clean the salon throughly before lock down. Right before I got up to clean the powder room, the phone ringed, assuming it was my last client, I answered with ease . “Hello, Emerald. “ He’s gone, you must come home.” I hung up the phone in silence, lost for words, I knew that voice from miles away, in a place called home.There I sat hunched over and lifeless in my suite, clinching on to the sueded seat, There was little to no expression on my face as my clients glanced at me from afar.I hid my sadness from everyone in the salon. I couldn’t believe that he was gone, I never had the chance to tell him goodbye. My feelings were buried beneath the dirt in a sacred place. My first love, letting him go was the hardest decision I ever made. ”Emerald, are you ok , you look like you just seen a ghost.” Stacy asked . Stacy, was my best friend from college and manager at my salon. I trusted her with all my secrets but this one I couldn’t reveal. “I ‘m fine, I just have to go home, please close the shop, after everyone leaves,” I told her, then gave her the keys to lock up after the last client was serviced. All the years I spent to help build this place of beauty & excellence came to a complete halt. I glanced once more at Stacy, then walked out the door and caught the A-train home. An hour later, I arrived at my loft, it was almost nightfall and I had to get ready for my trip back home. I packed a few ensembles before bed and bought the last train ticket to Madison. The train to Madison left Chicago the next day at 8 am, I had to prepare myself in time for the cab to pick me up. After booking a train ticket and hotel, I thought about that sudden call from home, the place I never wanted to go back to. The familiar voice was from a long lost friend name Dana. She was nothing but trouble from the start, we’ve known each other since childhood and she would always compete with me even when we were little. She had to have everything even him, Bo. I wasn’t sure how she found me, and I wasn’t ready to face her after Bo’s death. The truth left me exhausted so I decided to go to bed early, as I dosed off to sleep . “Bo what are you doing?” I looked up at him from my balcony as he was in my backyard, in front of the rose bush. “Did you know that this tree changes roses?” Bo said “ Yes it‘s called a rose bush.” I laughed and fell on the floor with one silk slipper on the end of my heel. He looked up at me with a slick smirk on his face “ Ok Juliet, I’m not your Romeo so could you please come done from your satin slumber.” He laughed obnoxiously and mocked me from afar . I ran outside and jumped into his arms, held him then sniffed his T-shirt. His aroma of muske , made me want him even more. I smelled his colon up close, never wanted him to let go, He whispered in my ear. “ Emerald, wake up!” The alarm went off at 7 am. I got dressed, ate a light breakfast and took a cab to the train station. I arrived at 7:50 a.m. and heard the voice of the ticket master“ On aboard.” I hurried in time for the ticket master to retrieve my ticket as he escorted me to my seat. Two hours went by and all I was able to do was ponder as I glanced out the window. My heart was shattered, first my grandmother and now Bo. I wasn’t sure how people would react to my return. It felt surreal, how one day I was planing a life with Bo then left him behind. I never wanted to lose what we had but I had to follow my first mind. Throughout the years I felt lost and trapped, I masked my feelings in order to be sucessful. Those seasons without him made me realize who I was. Growing up in a small town wasn’t easy everyone knew and grew to hate each other. For years there were unexpected shootings, murders and car accidents. I never felt safe living there or being outside after dark. Luckily, I was raised by my grandmother Bess. She was strict, kind and protected me from the dangers in the neighborhood. She raised me to believe in myself and focus on my goals in life. I remember her stroking my hair and greasing my scalp every night before bed. She would ask about my dreams, and told me to use my gifts for good not evil. After she died, she left me a journal to write my dreams in. I buried that journal underneath the rose bus, when I went away to college. An hour later I looked out the window and saw a sign that said “ Madison, welcome home.” Finally, The train stopped, I slowly got up, grabbed my suitcase and hailed a cab. There were three cab drivers that stood outside their cars, each driver wore a black and gold uniform that said “ Madison Lives.” The third cab driver grabbed my luggage quickly then uttered “ Where to, you packed light I see.” As he placed my suitcase in his trunk, he looked at me with a snare in his eyes, as if he knew I wasn’t from here. I told him to take me to 101 Fent St, He looked at me with distraught and asked. “ Why would you want to go there, you should be at the Gilton Hotel on the northside.” I told him I needed to stop by a place before I headed back into town . He finally agreed to take me and we drove off to the south side. Once I arrived on Fent Street, I noticed a change in the neighborhood. All the houses were run down and boarded up with graffiti on almost every boarded window. I couldn’t believe my eyes, as I saw the block being completely trashed and distorted. ” Ok were here, I will wait ten minutes then I I have to go back downtown.” The cab driver said, I told him I wouldn’t be long and began to walk towards my childhood home. Noticing it from afar, the place didn’t look the same, the bushes were cut down and the white fence was chipped. As I walked up the steps onto the patio, feeling nervous. I heard a screeching sound coming from the front door, chills filled my body as a cold draft blew upon my face. My fear had got the best of me as I went to the backyard, where the rose bush tree once was. The rose bush was gone, only the branches remained. As I gaped at the lifeless tree filled with memories. I remember, Bo and I would sit under it every day after school and look up at the sky as the birds flew by. We would talk for hours about our future, and how we would always be together. “ Bo what are you doing?” “ I’m climbing the tree, I can see you near and far.” He said. “ Come down before you get hurt.” I screamed while pulling on his Levi jeans. Bo jumped and landed on his feet then ran to me and placed his soft lips upon mine. “ What was that!” I said amazingly surprised. “ I love you, Emerald and one day you will be my wife.” He looked down at me with his beaming eyes and no smirk on his face. I never wanted that moment to go away. The wind blew swiftly as I looked at the tree and felt a sharp point poking at the sole of my feet. “ Miss, I’m running late, Are you coming.” The driver shouted from the front . “ I’m coming, right now.” I bent over to see what was poking me, pulling the mysterious object from the dirt, it was the black book I buried beneath the soil. Lost for words, I removed the plastic capsule and walked back to the front of the house.

We arrived two minutes early at the Gilton hotel, the driver grabbed my suitcase out of the trunk, opened the door and waited for his tip. He placed his arm in front of the hotel door as I handed him a $20 bill. “ Wow, Miss thank you!” the driver said . “ No! Thank you and it’s Emerald by the way.” I smiled and turned towards the hotel. “ Did you find what you were looking for.“ He shouted. ”I did” I said , relieved. Welcome home Miss Emerald, have a safe visit.” My room was on the third floor and it was magnificent. I had a state of the art suite with a queen size bed and a jacuzzi . I laid on the bed and felt the texture of the sheets. They were peach and Egyptian cotton. I could smell the fresh scent of floral in the air and on the steamed sheets. Still exhausted from the train ride, I decided to go to bed until the phone ringed “ Hello Emerald, how are you?.” It was Dana I could tell by her voice she was still upset about Bo. “ Hello, Dana, How are doing ? ‘I asked. “I’m not well, Bo’s funeral was today it was closed to family and friends. She said nervously, crying on the phone. I knew then how much she truly loved him. “He was killed in a tragic car accident. I can’t believe he’s gone, my husband is gone and I don’t know what to do, Emerald.” Dana said, her voice filled with pain and emptiness. I could hear sadness seeping through, still, lost for words there was a brief moment of silence until she began to cry once more. I felt her pain as I gathered my thoughts and tried to help her cope through it so she wouldn’t be alone. After I hung up the phone, I felt a sense of sadness , we both lost someone that was dear to us. I lost my best friend and soul mate while Dana lost her husband. I couldn’t believe I shut them both out of my life, all these years. I allowed my pain to get in the way, holding on to anger and resentment for the choices we all made, when we were young. I loved Bo and he never knew the sadness I felt with when I left. The last time Bo and I stood outside the rose bush, I told him I was leaving and that I got accepted to University of Chicago. There was no expression on my face, I looked into his eyes with disgust. I felt betrayed and disconnected. “ Wait, what? I thought you would stay here and go to Laker State?” Bo said, then grabbed my hand with tears in his eyes. “ I can’t stay Bo, I don’t have family here and with my grandmother gone I have to go.” I said ” Is it because of Dana? I know I made a mistake, but you have to be here with me. ” He squatted down on one knew and began sulking with his head on my thigh, he was expecting a child with my best friend and I couldn’t stay nor could I be with him. “ Bo you have to stay with Dana, it’s the right thing to do.” I said , holding back tears. I couldn’t believe Bo was going to be a father. As I began to push his arms away, finally he stood up with tears in his eyes and walked away from me and the rosebush. That was the last time I saw or heard from Bo. We never kept in touch. Dana would always try to reach out to me throughout the years but I never responded. Dana told me over the phone that Bo was doing well for himself. He owned a mechanic shop , the best in Madison. Dana and him got married after I went away to college and they had a son. I was happy for him, even though I couldn’t be in his life. I knew he was loved. After a long day in town and getting a call from Dana it was time for me to return back to Chicago, I booked a train for the next day at noon. I called Dana to tell her I was leaving and that I wanted to see her before I left. She agreed to meet up for tea and brunch at a restaurant called Maddie’s in the downtown area. It was 10:30 in the morning and the restaurant wasn’t too far from the hotel, I decided to check out my hotel early to walk down to Maddie’s.I arrived ten minutes later, where Dana was sitting in the third table close to the front of the restaurant. Her eyes watched my every move from the time I entered in , she looked at me with intention. I felt timid and over dressed in my emery attire. while Dana wore a blue jean jacket and black leggings with curl tendrils that framed her face. She smiled with delight and said “ Hey girl , long time no see.” She then gave me a warm embrace as we sat down for brunch. ” How’s life in Chicago?” she asked. I wanted to tell her what’s been going on in my life but kept it brief . “ It’s been a roller coaster, things have been up and down at my salon. I closed it before the lockdown.” I said. “Sorry to hear that Emerald, I’ve missed you, I been trying to find a way to see you but you been so busy . All I have is my son now, who has been a top priority in my life. She said, and showed me a picture of him, he resembled Dana when she was young. “He is very handsome, I’m so happy for you Dana.” I could tell she was happy again and at peace even after Bo’s death, she didnt let it effect her spirt. That moment , we ate and cried together like we’ were old friends. “ Thank you Emerald, I know you have to leave soon but I want to tell you that Bo wasnt the same when you left. He would always ask about you every time we spoke. The years went by and he thought he would see you again.” She said leaning in with open arms, “ I appreciate you being here and telling me this Dana, I love you dearly and I wish I would of saw you both sooner.” I softly whispered then stood up and hugged her before leaving the restaurant. “ I’ll call you when I get back in Chicago and we can catch up .” We both laughed then hugged each other one last time before heading back to the train station.It was ten minutes before twelve and the station was a half a block away. I picked up my suitcase and rushed out the restaurant towards the narrow street. I arrived at the station at noon, just in time for the train headed back to Chicago. I ran towards it with my suitcase in one hand and my ticket in the other. “ We were just about to leave, Miss.” the ticket master said . “ I’m glad I made it.” I said with shortness of breath, he could tell I had a lot on my mind but kept it brief and took my ticket and luggage. “ Your future awaits you miss, have a safe trip.” I sat down in the third seat near the window, opened my purse and began reading my journal. As I was reading I noticed a gold folded piece of paper in the back of the book that said “ Dear Emerald, I hope that this letter finds you in time before you leave. I thought I write this letter to tell you how I feel. I saw you bury your journal the other day and I decided to put this message in it. Emerald I am truly sorry for how things turned out. I did not mean to hurt you, Dana and I were just friends. She had told me that she was pregnant but the baby was not mine. I wanted to tell you that before you left. I was afraid of losing you and holding you back from your dreams. Deep down I always knew I couldn’t give you the life you deserved. I want nothing but the best for you and I never wanted to get in the way of your happiness. I hope one day you will forgive me, love always, Bo.