The Art of Being Mute

We are all victims of impulse buys and gimmicks. Whether you are in the grocery store waiting to check out, your eyes always seem to glance across the aisle creating hidden conversations in your head of, "Do I need an extra four pack of lighters? I don't smoke, but my husband does, and he has a tendency to lose lighters. So it makes sense to pick up this four pack, because it may come in handy, even if I don't need it." (Yes, these are the types of conversations I have inside my head, don't ask.)

What does impulse buys have to do with the art of being mute? It's the domino effect of this simple article. I wasn't at the grocery market, but was procrastinating on work and life by simply scrolling through my social media pages and came across an ad for a Savor Life Planner (My Next 90 Days). In my mindset, I ran the same hidden conversation in my head. "Do I need this planner?" As awkward as many of my thoughts play out, not only did I decide this would be a good addition for my resolution list (to become more organized through this year), but maybe it was just something which could help me get my mental state aligned.

For those who are thinking of starting with a planner, this is definitely a bonus buy. Per the introduction from founder, Angela Jia Kim:

To "Savor Beauty" is to see the beauty in everything, create daily rituals, and organize your days, so you can make time to savor the sweet parts of life.

Like all my past resolutions, I fell off the band wagon faster then a worried sailor abandons a sinking ship. But one thing I did take from my impulse purchase was one distinct message the founder strongly passed on to those who purchased this planner, the notion of planting seeds. Within the pages created for each individuals 'Seeds' had the description below:

Planting seeds is an action that has growth and potential. If you plant seeds, they will blossom into an abundant garden.

Among the 24 blank lines which I feverishly added my own planned seeds were: regaining purpose; learning to let go; worry less; begin painting; admit and grown from mistakes; and the biggest one, finding my voice. Truthfully, that's a pretty damn good resolution list if you ask me. But, since I fail at sticking to my resolutions and us going into the third month of the New Year, the only thing I have stayed with is painting again.

But, that's not fair to myself because I do need to get myself right as rain again.

Today, I’m planting those seeds. I’m making choices and changes to my voice which will hopefully realign my soul. Somehow in these past years, this last decade, I’ve lost myself. It’s true; and I feel no matter what, it’s more common then one person knows.

One of my biggest vices is that I have closed myself off a lot. I’ve also been the worst in voicing my opinion without considering how another person may react. Being so impulsive seems to always get me in trouble. With friends, family and my husband; I always seem to over-react and over dramatize things that shouldn’t matter at all. On the flip-side though, I’m strong in being quiet and guarded as well.

Sometimes quiet people really do have a lot to say… they’re just being careful about who they open-up to.

Anonymous

So, today I need to start getting back to my roots. I need to be very careful what I divulge to others. Some things should be left un-said (and frankly, it will probably be said via this platform). Which gets me to understanding trust, learning the art of remaining silent (mute) when needed, and having the right voice when I go to speak.

Did you ever play the game, Telephone? One person relays a message to the next person and continue to another person to see if the original message made it through? That is the problem with stories and today’s technology; they are filtered, misunderstood or big pieces are left out. They get used against us. They turn sister’s against sisters; families against families; friends against friends (slight shout-out to Game of Thrones).

Recently I let myself get worried and concerned about the friendship between my husband and friend. In that moment, I knew I didn’t want to set a fire because my husband has been accused in the past by his ex-wife which is what started their spiral. I thought my friend and I were close enough to have those conversations and it would stay between us. But, like the game of telephone and domino’s, it only takes one movement or comment before everything falls.

So…is me planting my seeds of change elating to lose my voice? Become guarded (again!)? No, I need to learn to be more selective with what I convey because everything becomes the telephone-trust-memory game. Words can be painful and hurtful; never forgotten (well, sometimes it can). Fights can erupt without reason. Moments and words in anger can not be taken back, even after the last apology has been spoken.

I no longer want to be mute, but I also want to allow certain moments and conversations to be left unsaid. That is the true art of being mute. Reacting before reacting. Thinking before I answer. Standing up for the right time to voice my opinion and understanding the wrong time when it will only trigger aggression. Which is where we are as a society these. We trigger everyone standing up for our own beliefs.

This is what we are missing in humanity. We need to find a voice and know how to use it respectively. Without this, we will continue to break.