The 15 Traits to Avoid To Be Pleasant

As was done in the previous pieces, we will focus on Napoleon Hill’s studies on human nature to conclude what needs to be done to become a pleasant person.

To get this personality right, you have to understand that it’s not limited to what you can do to be more pleasant; you also need to know about the things that are to be avoided at all costs.

In this follow-up article, we will talk about the negative traits someone can possess that impair the development of a pleasing personality, derived again from Napoleon Hill’s “Success Habits”.

1. Breaking in When Others Are Speaking

First off, a human characteristic that gets on most people’s nerves is interrupting someone whilst speaking.

This for one goes oppositely on the common courtesy trait as it feels impolite to interrupt someone while they’re making their point, meaning that you aren’t paying attention to what they are talking about.

Moreover, breaking in usually makes others interpret you as someone who can’t “read the room” since you will seem more interested in yourself.

2. Selfishness

What of course can’t be of much assistance when you want to be pleasant, is seeming like a selfish person in your actions and manner of speech.

To every person’s mind, the most crucial person is themselves. Why would they spend valuable time and energy communicating with someone that doesn’t care about them?

Whenever there is a human being there is an opportunity for kindness.

- Seneca

3. Use of Sarcasm

Being sarcastic as a person by using an ironic tone of voice is another thing that agitates a lot of people.

While you are being sarcastic, they will think that you aren’t taking them or the issue at hand seriously something that is infuriating to the other party, especially if they are talking about something of great importance.

Having a good sense of humor and empathy can make you understand when is the appropriate time to say the right joke in that sarcastic manner.

4. Exaggeration of Speech

Now, this is correlated with the previous point but not so much to the tone of how you are saying something, but rather on what you are talking about.

Dressing up everything you say in an overly fancy or distressing way usually makes the other person have second thoughts about what you are saying.

That’s because you will either be perceived as someone that can’t estimate the situation appropriately or worse, a liar that wants to get on the good side of the other person dishonestly.

5. Self-Praise

This act goes hand-in-hand with selfishness. Self-praise is used unconsciously or consciously by someone that wants to boost their ego in front of others.

It can happen mainly for 2 reasons: firstly, someone that is lacking self-respect will try to show themselves up to get other people’s approval.

Secondly, someone with an inflated ego will want to be the center of attention whenever possible, so the act of self-praise helps a lot in that.

Remember, no one is invested in your deeds as much as yourself; try to be mindful of others first so that they can show interest in you as well.

6. Indifference Towards Others

This is the single piece that connects every aspect of the unpleasant personality and without this, every negative trait starts to fall apart more easily.

As it was stated sometimes already in the aforementioned points, not caring about the other party can’t get you that far in establishing a good relationship with them, regardless of its type.

7. Envy

The 7th negative characteristic on the line focuses on the general form of envy.

Being envious of someone isn’t limited to the jealousy we feel towards people that might “endanger” our current romantic relationship, but it’s a wider term for when we want to possess what other people have.

This, as you can assume, is an incredibly negative trait because you will seem like someone that isn’t satisfied with themselves and what they have, as well as a person that hasn’t cultivated their personality.

8. Exaggerated Flattery

Another quite disturbing trait to possess is that of overpraising others for their achievements.

People that are getting extreme levels of flattery from another tend to think that the person giving them this kind of praise has an ulterior motive in mind.

Therefore, exaggerated flattery makes others suspicious of your behavior rather than providing you with a boost to your character.

9. Slovenliness in Speech

Slovenliness is a term that is best described as having bad accuracy and grammar in your speech.

This of course isn’t impacting the pleasing personality as much as other characteristics on this list.

Nevertheless, it’s something that can either lead to misunderstandings with others or not get them to comprehend what you are trying to tell in general.

10. Monopolizing Conversations

What is connected a lot with the number 1 on this list is the act of trying to lead any conversation and turn it to yourself.

By that you are showing the same negative things that are displayed when you break in when others are talking; you convey an impolite and selfish attitude.

Always try to listen to others first so that you can learn stuff from them and show them that you care.

When you talk you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.

- Dalai Lama

11. Convey a Feeling of Superiority

This act can happen both consciously and subconsciously. People that have low self-esteem might sometimes need to show off to get the appropriate attention back to them.

Conveying a superiority feeling subconsciously though can be tricky to crack because you won’t be able to understand when you are doing it.

To better comprehend when this is done, consistently examine what you are saying and with what tone of voice when you talk about yourself. Try examining others’ reactions as well in coordination with that.

The moment you find yourself speaking about your deeds in a superior manner you will know what things you should avoid.

12. Insincerity

Indifference, selfishness, and insincerity are the pillars that hold an unpleasant personality.

One gives power to the other so don’t assume that by having only one it’s easy to reduce the others nor that you can still be pleasant to most people.

Insincerity can be best seen as the outcome of indifference and selfishness. You won’t be honest and sincere towards others when you only care about your affairs.

13. Gossiping

Judging others and mostly behind their back is considered a bad trait for several reasons.

First and foremost, you can’t be perceived as a trustworthy person since you are constantly talking about others. No one will want to keep a secret with you because they won’t be feeling it’s safe.

Another issue with gossiping is the negative aura it exudes. There are certainly a lot of other interesting and more important stuff to explore than “small talk” about other people’s affairs.

14. Challenging People You Don’t Agree With

Challenging people can make you unpleasant mainly because you will seem like someone that disregards their opinion and think you are always right.

Talking with others should be an opportunity to share some things and learn new stuff from them.

By rying to show that your opinions matter more as they are 100% correct can make you both lose out on some new things and people.

Question yourself sometimes, and you might find making more errors than you might think you make; you are only human in the end.

15. Fault Finding

Last on the list, fault finding with other people and in the world generally, sometimes goes hand-in-hand with gossiping and impairs the pleasant personality.

Fault finding can give off a negative vibe to the other person that doesn’t need it in their lives since usually, they have their share of problems to deal with.

Not everything is entirely the universe’s fault; you are the master of your fate as you bring misfortune or blessings in your life through your decisions, not because of other people.

Final Thoughts

As you might have surmised most of the negative traits told, concerned things that impede other people by showing that you put yourself first.

Always remember to show some love and you will be sure to take some back because, at the end of the day, you reap what you sow.

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This article was originally published on Medium at Harrys Stratigakis