𝓣𝓮𝓷 𝓣𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 𝓘 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝓐𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓗𝓮𝓻

she won’t say it aloud,

so i’ll say it for her -

ten things (or so)

i love about the girl

i live inside.

*

i.

she keeps rocks.

like - just, rocks.

sticks too,

and other pocketed pieces of forgotten days,

because they were pretty,

or it felt like a moment

worth keeping.

they live in drawers,

in jars, in coat pockets she forgets to check -

so one day,

she’ll find a memory

she didn’t know she still had.

*

ii.

she laughs at her own jokes.

every single time.

i’ve seen her crack up in an empty room,

snorting into the quiet,

wheezing like she’s just surprised herself

again with brilliance.

head tilted,

eyes crinkled,

like she can’t quite believe

she’s that funny.

(...she is)

there’s no audience -

but she doesn’t need one.

*

iii.

her hands are always covered in ink.

black, mostly.

from pens she chews to death.

from drawing, scribbling,

starting essays she’ll finish

five minutes before the deadline

(early, for her).

messy. chaotic.

but she always knows where everything is

and i still don’t get how.

*

iv.

she never sits properly on chairs.

especially the ones that spin.

always sideways, legs folded,

back slouched, shoulders hunched, one sock half-off,

head tilted, frowning

like she’s mid-thought.

(which, let’s be real, she always is.)

she knows her spine will hate her for it someday -

but she does it anyway.

*

v.

her soul lives in stories.

twisted ones.

strange ones.

the kind that leave your skin feeling too tight,

that land quiet and echo louder,

knocking gently at the back of your mind.

she explores the dark corners

that most people flinch away from -

nostalgia that cuts as deep as blade,

abuse, loneliness, horror, mind games.

but she paints them soft

so you’ll look closer.

*

vi.

she won't ask for help.

not because she thinks she doesn’t need it -

no.

because the needing feels

like weakness.

because her independence

is stitched from stubborn seams,

and sometimes,

loneliness feels safer

than letting someone in.

*

i ache for her, sometimes.

but i admire her, always.

*

vii.

she re-watches shows like rituals.

Tangled on bad days, to remind herself that

the light of lanterns comes after the locked towers.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine to find comfort -

in Jake’s dumb jokes

and the way they all show up for each other.

she knows every punchline before it lands

and still, she laughs.

it’s how she reminds herself

some stories feel like home.

*

viii.

her handwriting changes monthly.

like she’s trying to rewrite herself.

make the scrawl neater,

make her neater.

make herself easier to explain.

it never lasts.

*

ix.

Zelda taught her how to read.

crazy, right?

a game with knights and courage wrapped up in

the kingdom of Hyrule and a small green-clad hero.

Link became her first tutor.

and she still plays,

like she’s chasing a piece of childhood

she never quite let go of.

*

x.

she’s scared, sometimes.

her chest grows tight and her limbs brittle.

But even when she vanishes from friends

and no one hears from her for days

and the phone goes unanswered

and the jokes dry up -

she always comes back

with something new.

*

she forgets she's real sometimes

and her now wont be forever

she forgets to appreciate her own skin

when she finds another's to be much better.

she doubts and stresses

before crumbling quietly, completely

she’s not perfect.

she forgets things.

she loves the same way she feels

either too hard or not at all.

but god -

she's trying.

and i think there’s something kind of beautiful

about that.

Notes:

Here’s my entry for Rick Henry Christopher’s Self-Appreciation Challenge! This one pushed me way out of my comfort zone - it’s more personal than I usually go for (but i guess you can't avoid that on a self reflection piece), and I spent forever trying to make sure it lived up to the challenge. But I’m proud of how it turned out, and I really hope you enjoy it! I would post it in poets community like usual but the challenge states it needs to be published in the humans community so i might do a repost posting it in the Poets (not sure yet though). Challenge details are linked below if you want to join in too:

https://shopping-feedback.today/writers/the-self-appreciation-challenge%3C/em%3E%3C/p%3E%3C/div%3E%3C/div%3E%3C/div%3E%3Cstyle data-emotion-css="1x3zcuc-StoryContent">.css-1x3zcuc-StoryContent{pointer-events:none;}