Taking Back My Power At Last: Update

Greetings, Vocal readers and subscribers. Two months ago, I wrote a story discussing my personal struggles of standing up for myself and the things I was seeking for almost two years. In case you're not familiar or don't know the situation that has haunted me since 2022, I'll fill you in. I went without a raise at work for almost two years, despite all of my hard work and surviving a global pandemic. I was also seeking more hours. For two years, I was stressed and had sleepless nights. It was almost like my voice wasn't heard and I got increasingly frustrated. I remember one day on my way home from work that I threw a huge fit, because no one was listening to me or my concerns. Don't get wrong. I love my job and the people I work with. I just didn't like being frequently undermined and disrespected. I wanted to discuss these issues with someone, but it seemed like it every time that I attempt to, there was always something that comes up. Finally, one day, I decided to have the courage and talk to someone about the things that I was going through and had bothered me for so long. A date for a meeting was scheduled and I was ready. I was nervous, but I felt like I needed to do this to get some things off my chest and also, finally put this year's long painful chapter behind me.

October 1 was the day of the meeting. I was prepared to make my case on why I was an essential part of the company. However, scheduling conflicts caused the meeting to be postponed until the following week. The beginning of that week arrived, and the meeting was scheduled for later on that afternoon. I was nervous, but I was ready to be as honest as possible on how I was feeling for the last four years. So, the meeting with my supervisor and Human Resources director took place hours later. I didn't want to be in the meeting just verbally attacking them and finger pointing. I wanted to be frank with them about my concerns. My intention was not to be rude or callous, but to prove that I was worthy and deserve the things that I have been seeking for years, which was a pay increase and more hours. Plus, I wanted to learn new tasks, something that I frequently expressed.

I have been working at my current job for over six years and when the Covid-19 pandemic hit, it took a toll on me mentally. Writing stories on Vocal is something I do on the side. From March 2020 to the end of June 2021, I was at home but was still getting a paycheck every two weeks. That was because I wasn't an essential employee, but my other coworkers were. I felt increasingly depressed, had sleepless nights, and multiple suicide attempts. I considered quitting my job on several occasions, because I thought that I wasn't needed anymore or that no one cared about me. Thankfully, I stayed. During the meeting, I showed the letters I received from Human Resources of the pay raises I've received over the span of four years. I brought those to the meeting to make a point: that I was valuable and important to the company. Near the end of the meeting, I was in tears. I was asked why it took me so long to meet with my supervisor and HR director and I replied by saying that I feared being fired and/or retaliation for simply standing up for what I believed in and what I wanted. I felt like I didn't have a voice for years, until that moment. They told me that I can always talk to them about anything. I know that most employers see someone standing up for themselves as a threat towards them, with an employee being fired. This was not the case for me, because I was calm and professional. However, I wanted my message to be loud and clear. Yes, I was frustrated for years because nothing was being done to address my concerns, but again, I kept my composure the entire meeting. It wasn't worth losing my job over.

The Update

So, you must be wondering how the meeting went. It was very productive and after it took place, I received more hours and a pay raise that was almost two years overdue. For years, I was afraid to stand up for myself because I feared the repercussions. I grew up in a toxic and abusive household. My now estranged father was not only physically and verbally abusive towards me, but very controlling. If I didn't want to do something or disagreed with him, he would get angry at me. If I tried to stand up for myself, he would get in my face and yell at me. I allowed people to walk all over me, but not anymore. If I wanted something, I wasn't afraid to do whatever it takes to get it. I value hard work and determination. I grew up in a household, even though it was toxic and abusive, where giving up wasn't an option. I was diagnosed with Autism at a very young age. Despite this, I was able to graduate from high school and college. Entering into the workforce as an individual on the spectrum was challenging. Finding a job was even more challenging, but I was able to work at different job over the years. Now, I want to become a positive example to others who might be going through similar challenges.

I didn't want to become an offensive and harmful stereotype at any job I worked in, because of my autism diagnosis. That was one of the points that I was making during the aforementioned meeting. Just because I have a disability, it doesn't mean I don't have anything to offer in the workplace. Someone suggested that I'd go on Social Security and collect a check every month. To me, it sounded very lazy and rejected that idea. I'm not demonizing anyone who is legitimately on disability and has valid reasons to be on such. Also, someone encouraged me to work a second job to supplement my income. I didn't want to do that, because I've done it before and didn't like it. It took up too much of my time on the weekends. Once again, I didn't want to become a stereotype. It wasn't the example I wanted to set for myself and others who are probably reading this story right now. I want to be that positive example to others who have either a physical or intellectual disability. Having a disability doesn't have to define you. You are an individual who deserves to contribute to society and also, do amazing things. Plus, making a difference in their own communities.

In conclusion, I took a huge risk and put my own job on the line to speak up about something that was bothering me since I returned to work from the pandemic. If I didn't speak up sooner, I would've regretted it. I knew that I couldn't let this matter go, so I decided to take a chance and spoke my true feelings. I'll never apologize for advocating for myself and taking a stand for the things I believed in. My dear grandfather, who passed away in 2022, was the only relative who was a true father figure to me, unlike my so-called "father." I miss him every day and he would be proud of me for doing this. I felt like he was watching over me in spirit and encouraged me to not give up on life. I'm still young and have lots of life left to live. I'm glad that I'm still at my job and I haven't been this happy in God knows how long. Continuing to work hard and also having fun is what I plan on doing. If you're struggling to stand up for yourself, remember that it might be scary at first, but everything will work out fine. Never apologize for doing such action, because you are a human being that deserves to be respected and acknowledged in every aspect. As for me, I'll be okay and as long as I have a positive and strong support system, life will run a bit smoothly.