humor
"Humor is what binds humans together and makes difficult times just a little less painful; Sometimes you can't help but laugh. "
Jesus Is Just Alright with Me
He was a coworker, and about three years older than I was. I was fresh out of high school, and truthfully a virgin. To everything. I had only ever been on a few sorry-excuses-for-a-date before—ones that generally included Costa Vida (every time, why is that??), followed by board games with a group of Mormon-like snobs, (I lived in a community of mostly these types of people, which I used to blame for my embarrassing lack of experience. In reality, I think I'm just a painfully introverted and anxious person).
By barbed.wire.disease :8 years ago in Humans
Worst. Flippin'. Date. Ever.
I don’t really know what to say. I keep smiling and then I start laughing at other people’s jokes. I mean, that’s fine though, right? If they’re only a few tables down, they are technically close enough for me to hear, so it would be normal if I heard their jokes and responded accordingly. I guess we do share something in common, though, we did pick the same restaurant, after all. And in all of that, I completely forgot about Robert. My date tonight, sitting right in front of me eating his duck souffle as I tuck into the standard “on my first date so I am going to impress him by eating a caesar salad” meal. Well, I say caesar salad, but I did order the Caesar without the salad. I just wanted Caesar, I wanted him so badly all over me and inside me hard and warm making me drip like… and then, shit, I forget about Robert. Robert isn’t Caesar and I knew that because he was lanky and his glasses didn’t make him sexy enough for me to want to rip his clothes off. But nonetheless, I was on a date with Robert.
By Becky Maxwell8 years ago in Humans
Embodying Sméagol/Gollum
At the adolescent age of 16, I wanted to fuck everything. That's right, girls are horny little things. I had been wanting to go on a date with this guy I'd barely known, but had seen around my friends at various parties/places/small concerts. So I told him "Hey, give me your number, and I'll text you when we should meet up to do things together... sometime." More than willing, he put his number in my phone and the rest is this story. My parents thought he was wholesome when he came to pick me up at the house. A decent car, decent clothes, a slight respect for my parents, then we headed off. We were going to see a movie, then indulge in party favors at my friend's going away party. Of course my parents thought I was just going to dinner after and then headed home, but the lies I told them the next day were very different from that promise.
By Tasha On Paper8 years ago in Humans
My Date with Pennywise, the Dancing Clown
It was around Halloween when the 2017 version of It hit the theaters. Dude was a wannabe musician with skinny legs, a large butterfly tattoo, and a secret obsession with Stephen King’s Pennywise the Clown. I had overlooked his initial creepiness attributing it to the spooky holiday approaching (mistake #1). I actually enjoyed Halloween and horror films, until my date with Dude became one. We planned on attending a costume party that night; unfortunately that would never happen.
By Madison Mackenzie8 years ago in Humans
No Time for Head Games
The date began on the night we met at a "Flirt" singles mixer in a chic wine bar in Denver. My wing couple was Lisa and Doug, married and supportive of my quest to find Mr. Adequate. As a single mother in my 40s, I had seen several Prince Charmings ride away without me. The four main requirements of my future betrothed were he be kind, attractive, and have a job, and his own place. A private entrance to his mom’s basement apartment didn’t count as his own place. I had my standards.
By Nancy Fingerhood8 years ago in Humans
It's All Good
#MyWorstDate He is six years younger than me, and I'm not 30 yet. We met when I visited his store as a trainer, and I thought it was cute the way he ran out to my car, as I was leaving, to get my number. We flirt-texted for a few days and decided later that week to go to the beach. I made it clear I wasn't going to be driving my car, and that he would need to come pick me up. He agreed.
By Enoki Writes8 years ago in Humans
The Valentine’s Day Social Media Post – A 2-Minute Guide to What to Expect
So it's almost Valentine's Day again. The day that society pressures the boyfriends of the world to spend the amount of how much they really love you, while simultaneously pressuring the girlfriends of the world to post the cheesiest, category-red-'est photos on their social media pages to the judgment of their peers and social media followers.
By Delilah Jayde8 years ago in Humans
My Worst Date
It was all so innocent, starting out with a mutual right swipe. He had curly hair, which I always love, so I decided to send him a message. The dude seemed nice, and even a little artsy with his picture in front of an old train. He responded after a few hours, and then conversation flowed, things were going OK. We talked for two weeks over text before deciding to meet up. Then the day came, and he suggested we meet at his favorite donut shop, which would have been fine, casual and close to home in case I needed to run. However, his way of starting the date was to tell me how he used to spend a lot of money on his dates, until he started getting less and less second dates so he started spending less and less money on them; the donuts were five dollars all together. Then our conversation (really his because he did most of the talking) started to get grouchy. He went on and on about how he's angry with his NYU advisor, so I started composing a "help me" text to my roommate, who unfortunately didn't have cell service. I didn't know how long I could deal with this; he sounded nothing like he did virtually. How could I not have known? Had he calculated everything he sent before he sent it?
By Molly Goldberg8 years ago in Humans
Cards for People That Don't Care About Valentine's Day
Ah, Valentine's Day, it's the holiday solely based on love between couples and even friends. The holiday where you give each other stunning bouquets of red roses, large snuggly teddy bears, and boxes and boxes of chocolates that will put anyone into a chocolate coma. Love is in the air on this day... and so is hate. For those awesome single people out there, we can't blame them for hating this holiday. Hell, there are even couples that find Valentine's Day to be utterly stupid, because they share the love they have for each other every day already. No need to make a holiday for it.
By Penny Newton8 years ago in Humans
My Worst Date
To pinpoint a singular moment in which I can call my "worst date ever" is an arduous task, as I am an exceptionally awkward person, and subsequently, I’ve had numerous bad dates. However, for the sake of this competition, I’ll disclose my most well-received anecdote.
By Josh A. Gutkin8 years ago in Humans
