Suspended Reality: Crushing Feeling

We were in an indoor amphitheater of sorts. It was very small on the whole, with a relatively short diameter and a shallow number of rows. It was practically all made of light wood - the walls, the stairs, the benches, the tables directly in front of them - and the lighting was warm but kind of dim. My friends and I made our way up the stairs to a row near to the back. Molly slid in first, then Chloe and I followed the suit. We faced the center, a wooden circular platform elevated half a foot off the floor that was more brightly lit than the rest of the room.

We weren’t sure exactly what we were waiting for, but decided to kill time by talking. The subject landed on current crushes or feelings, starting with me.

“Honestly guys, I don’t know if I like anyone right now. I’m just… kind of alone.”

“That’s insane. There’s so many single guys at our college,” Chloe said while Molly nodded her head in agreement. Chloe quickly scanned the room, then stood up and placed her hands on the table in front of us.

“Chloe, what are you doing?” She ignored me.

“Excuse me, everyone! I have a friend here who’s looking for someone to be her boyfriend. I want any guy who is single to stand up and introduce yourself.” She sat down and smiled at me. Somehow, this wasn’t out of the ordinary at all.

A guy to the left and down a few rows stood up. “I’m Jake, I’m a sophomore.” He waved at us. Jake. I’d definitely seen him around before but had never really talked to him.

More guys around the room stood up and introduced themselves in similar ways. Everyone seemed to be looking at me expectantly.

“I don’t know, they all seem super nice and cute but I don’t know who I like.” I whispered to Chloe. I looked at her, but she didn’t seem to register anything that I was saying. Her gaze was fixed on the opposite wall and her mind was somewhere else, somewhere far away.

She slammed her hands on the table and stood up suddenly.

“I like John!” Chloe announced to the room.

John was a senior and mutual friend of ours. He looked up from his conversation a few rows below ours. He stood and walked up the stairs to our row, and stood across the table from Chloe. For a moment the world seemed frozen around them.

“I like you too,” he finally said and they both broke into a huge grin. Chloe closed her mouth and blushed at him, before leaning in and kissing him. They broke it after a few seconds, resting their foreheads on each other’s and just smiling at each other.

After that, whatever the original event was supposed to be turned into a pairing off event. Several others followed Chloe in announcing their crushes, and the amphitheater was soon full of new couples. I felt a lot like the odd one out.

After things settled, we made our way outside to catch up with the rest of our group. I saw my best friend Kendall walking towards us and I smiled at him.

“Hey. Crazy in there, huh?”

“Yeah.” He smiled at me. Man, was I a sucker for dimples. “I got roped into a new relationship though,” he said while running a hand through his dirty blonde hair.

My heart sank.

“I told her if she tied my shoes I’d go out with her.” He looked down at his already undone laces. “Wait, I have an idea!” He looked back up at me. His eyes were shockingly green. “If you tie them now, maybe I don’t have to go through with it anymore!”

“That’s not how it works, unfortunately.”

“You’re right.” He sighed and got down on one knee to tie his shoe. In that moment, I felt something I hadn’t felt in a really long time because I’d been stuck on Daniel so long. I felt my heart fluttering as I looked down at my best friend, with a large pit in my stomach that felt like an unexpected drop on a ride, but without the exhilaration. I’d forgotten what it felt like to have a new crush on somebody, and of course it had to be my best friend, who was now taken and had never seen me in that way anyway. It was such a beautiful feeling when there’s a chance, but otherwise it was miserable.

Man, this sucked.

He stood back up and we walked together with the group back to my dorm.

Ava was working in the kitchen on cooking something for everyone. She greeted us as we all walked in. “Hey! How’d the thing go?”

“It turned into a pairing up sort of thing. Long story,” someone piped up.

“Sounds like it was fun! I’m just finishing this up, and then we can eat!” Some people broke off into the lounge area while others hopped up on the island countertop or sat at the table. I stood in the kitchen entrance with Kendall still. “Also, my girlfriend is coming by later to join us!” Ava said excitedly. She’d like this girl for a few months before finally making it official a couple of weeks back.

“Hey, I’ve gotta go to catch up with my new girlfriend, Syd.” Kendall said, putting his hand on my shoulder. I gave him a small smile but felt myself being overwhelmed with sadness as each moment passed. Albert joined him and I stood in the doorway as they turned to go.

“Kendall, wait!” I called after them. He turned around to face me but continued walking backwards slowly. “Don’t forget we still have to plan!” I said, referencing a guitar hangout we had been wanting to do for a while.

“Right, I’ll text you later about that.”

Then he was gone.

All I was left with was a crushing feeling.