Surviving Survival Mode

When you're younger you look at the adults around you believing that, for the most part, they've got their shit together. Not knowing the whole entire time...you had no clue what having shit together really looked like. Now that I've done that thing called growing up...well, lets be honest, I still don't know what it looks like. I've never had any examples to really draw from in real life. Just children who've aged & are doing whatever they have to in order to get to the next day. I can imagine though...& if my imagination is anything like what they say it is...I cant fucking wait to get there. *Insert awkward happy dance*

Reality for me has always been something for me to escape from...something that sometimes I had no other option BUT to escape from in order to survive. Pick your poison, as they say, when it comes to that & luckily mine just happened to be the many literary wonders of the world. I drank them in like I would a glass of cold water on the hottest day. Took on the traits of my most beloved heroines...I mean who wouldn't want to be the one who saves the day even in the smallest of ways? Especially while praying, that anyone would come in & save you before the story ended.

The hardness of the cover, the smell of libraries lingering with the flip of each page the only thing keeping you anchored in this world. The constant fear & anxiety of not knowing what was going to happen next in real life fading almost to the point of never having existed. At least in that moment. That feeling...that is the sole reason why I write. The thought that someone will need my story, go back to it multiple times even just to survive the next day. That they will take on the traits, the strength of the characters I've created & it will inspire them, in the smallest of ways, to stay alive even in the middle of the chaos they have to endure.

So we could call my passion, my reason & rhyme, surviving survival mode. I want to continue my journey to becoming the author of answers to prayers of those who don't think they can make it. Help find those who are lost, make them feel everything other than despair, let my words take them from their reality even if just for the moment. If I hadn't had that growing up & even now on the really bad days where I can't get out of my head (or my bed)...whew...I wouldn't be here. From Steig Larsson to Yuval Noah Harari to J.K Rowling to Steven King to Ernest Hemmingway to Zora Neale Hurston. I imagine one day for my name to stand the test of time & end up somewhere near theirs.

When you're younger you look at the adults around you believing that they have their shit together. When you're older...well now you know that, for the most part, everyone is just trying to make it to the next day. Sometimes they need that extra push in the moment, a sign that they are as strong as they think they are, maybe even more so. I hope to be that extra push through the words that pour from my lips onto pages worn a bit in the corners from being turned back often. One day I'll be that & know what it looks like to have it all together...until then Ill use my imagination...& if its anything like they say it is...I cant wait to fucking get there. *Insert awkward happy dance*