Statistically, Men Deeply Regret Breakups — But Women Don’t

Yesterday, I read a rollercoaster of a Reddit post that left me sobbing.

It was about a gay man who divorced his husband three years prior, but never stopped loving him. Per the advice of strangers on the internet, he got back in touch to express his regret — and now they’re together again. (If you, too, would like to bawl your eyes out, it’s worth the read.)

But this Reddit post got me thinking: Why are reconciliations like this so rare, especially among straight couples?

So I fell down another Reddit rabbit hole, this time a gender-specific one. I wanted to know whether men and women regret their past breakups equally.

Within minutes of searching, the answer made itself abundantly clear: Fuck no.

Men seemingly regret their breakups way more than women do

While scouring Subreddits like r/AskMen, r/AskWomen, r/BreakUps, r/datingadvice, and r/ExNoContact, I found tons of posts that asked some version of the question:

“Men/women, is there a relationship you deeply regret ending and do you still think of that person as the ‘one that got away?’”

When the question was aimed at men, the responses looked overwhelmingly like this:

And when the question was aimed at women, the responses looked overwhelmingly like this:

I can’t speak for my guy friends (most of them don’t open up much), but as for me and my girlfriends, the trend checks out. While we may feel empathy or remorse for hurting someone, none of us regret ending the relationships that no longer suited us.

However, since this is all anecdotal, I decided to look up studies and statistics. And what do you know —

The scientific research confirms it:

Researchers tracked 5,705 participants across 96 different countries and found that while women may feel higher initial hurt from a breakup, they recover faster and more fully. Men, on the other hand, may never get over it.

Despite the stereotype that women are more emotionally invested in romance, a 2021 international study found that men actually experience more pain than women after a split.

A 2024 study from Behavioral and Brain Sciences found that “romantic relationships matter more to men than to women” because men “benefit more” from a partnership.

One survey of 1,400 male dumpers found that 76.5% of men regretted dumping their partner within 60 days.

But why do men stay stuck while women move on?

In my opinion (one that’s based on — you guessed it — research), men feel more regret over lost relationships due to a mix of cultural, emotional, and physiological factors.

1. Men are more impulsive than women

You’ve probably heard the stereotype that women “can’t be trusted to make rational decisions” because we’re “just so damn emotional.” (When our hypothetical Madam President is on her period, she’ll be one missed Midol away from launching those nukes.)

Surprise surprise: Science shows that it’s actually the opposite. Men are typically the more reactive gender.

Women outperform men in investing because they’re more likely to stay the course despite the rise and fall of the market. In other words, women don’t panic and pull their money out as soon as stocks tank. Men often do.

Other studies find that men have just as many emotions as women — but since men bottle their feelings up instead of processing them, they’re more likely to make impulsive decisions that harm them in the long run.

Say, for example, a breakup they’ve barely thought through.

Women, on the other hand, tend to carefully consider all the potential pros and cons before making a decision. Once they finally choose a direction, they’re pretty sure it’ll be the right one.

2. Men’s brains develop later in life

Typically, I’m not a fan of the myth that men and women have totally different brain structures; I believe the neurological differences are negligible, and both adult genders should be equally capable of emotional regulation, self-control, and leadership.

But in this case, “adult” is the operative word: Women mature faster than men.

The prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that’s responsible for making logical decisions) develops at different rates for either gender. For women, it reaches maturity in their early 20s, and for men, it may not fully develop until they’re closer to 30.

On average, this 10-year span is when women are looking to settle down, but some men just aren’t ready for it.

Instead, men in their 20s are more likely to engage in impulsive behavior, struggle to control their emotions, and act without considering the consequences — so they run from the exact types of relationships they’ll crave in a few years’ time.

3. For men, cultural conditioning glorifies solitude

Media, messaging boards, and the Manosphere have convinced guys that the pinnacle of masculinity is fucking a lot of women and having a lot of freedom. “A wife is the human equivalent of a ball and chain,” our culture tells boys. “You’ll be so much happier in your nag-free bachelor pad.”

But does solitude really make human beings (of any gender) happy?

Nope. Studies show that deep, fulfilling relationships are the single biggest indicator of life satisfaction for all people, heterosexual men and women included.

Yet because men have fewer close interpersonal relationships, they’re actually more likely to benefit from marriage than women. Married men live longer because someone’s taking care of them. They make more money because they can offload domestic responsibilities to focus on their careers. They’re less likely to develop depression because their wives positively influence their mental health.

Which leads me to my final point…

4. Women process emotions now, while men process them later (if ever)

“Real men don’t cry.”

“Man up.”

“Don’t be a pussy.”

Sound familiar? Women are socialized to express and reflect on their feelings in the moment — but men are shamed into suppressing everything other than anger. As a result, guys may experience an emotional delay between a difficult event and their response to it.

That’s why women often end up in therapy, while men reap the secondhand benefits of their partners’ healing.

Many women then take on the role of therapist in their relationships, providing emotional support, encouraging communication, anticipating their partner’s needs, and soothing tension — all without receiving much emotional support in return.

Unfortunately, men usually don’t appreciate it (and everything else that accompanies a steady relationship) until after it’s gone.

No wonder men often mourn breakups while women eventually celebrate them.