I Pretended to Be a Man on a Dating Site — And I Hate What I Discovered

As a 23-year-old woman fascinated by human behavior (and, let’s be honest, sometimes just bored and curious), I decided to conduct a little experiment.

One night, while mindlessly scrolling through profiles, a thought struck me: What if I were a man on here?

Not just out of curiosity, but to truly see what the experience was like from the other side. So, I set up a profile as a man — choosing a normal, non-flashy photo and a simple bio. No gimmicks. Just observation.

What I discovered? It made me uncomfortable.

1. A Ghost Town of Matches

As a woman, I’ve always been used to seeing new matches pop up fairly often. Sure, not every match turns into a conversation, but at least there’s interest.

But as a man? Silence.

Days went by with barely any matches. I started overanalyzing everything: Was the picture bad? Was the bio boring? Was I not swiping enough?

Then it hit me: This is normal for many men.

While women often receive an overwhelming amount of attention, men are left swiping endlessly, hoping for a response. What started as an experiment quickly felt… discouraging.

2. The Matches That Did Happen Were… Different

After a lot of swiping, I finally got a match. Relief. Excitement. Curiosity.

Except — within minutes, the conversation took a turn.

She asked for money.

At first, it was subtle — mentioning a tough situation or hinting at wanting a “gift” to see if I was serious. But as the chat continued, the intention became clearer: she wasn’t interested in the person, only in what he could provide.

And this wasn’t just one interaction. Out of the few matches I got, multiple conversations had the same undertone: transactional.

It made me realize how different my experience had been as a woman — where men typically try to impress, initiate, or pursue, while here, the roles seemed reversed.

3. The Double Standards Were Blatant

Before this experiment, I’d been frustrated by certain behaviors from men — shallow interactions, inappropriate messages, or expecting something right away.

But on the flip side, I saw a different kind of issue:

Dismissiveness & Rudeness — I received responses that were short, uninterested, or even mean. One match replied, “Ugh, you’re boring,” after just three messages.

No Effort — Conversations were often one-sided. Unless I said something extremely witty or intriguing, I got nothing in return.

Transactional Mindset — Some interactions weren’t about connection at all — they were about what the guy could offer.

It was a harsh realization: the same complaints women have about online dating? Some men experience them too — just in a different way.

4. Men on Dating Sites Are Exhausted

By the end of this, I felt something I didn’t expect: empathy.

We talk a lot about how exhausting online dating can be for women (and rightfully so), but this experience made me realize that men face a different kind of struggle.

Constant rejection

Pressure to stand out or impress

Feeling like they have to “prove” themselves before being taken seriously

It’s easy to dismiss someone as “boring” or “not trying hard enough” when you don’t see what they’re up against. But after experiencing it firsthand, I get it.

5. The Human Element Is Missing

Modern dating has turned into a game — swipes, algorithms, engagement metrics. And somewhere along the way, the human aspect got lost.

Pretending to be a man in this experiment made me realize how many of us — men and women — get caught in the cycle of judging profiles rather than seeing people.

I used to roll my eyes at guys who sent me simple openers or seemed too eager. But now? I wonder if they were just tired.

What This Experiment Taught Me

This wasn’t just a fun social experiment. It was a wake-up call.

For women — We’ve fought hard for respect in dating, but this experience made me reflect: Are we always giving that same respect back? Entitlement, dismissiveness, and shallow behavior hurt both sides.

For men — I see you. Online dating can be draining, and rejection can take a toll. But keep showing up. The right person will appreciate you for you, not for what you can offer.

Why I’ll Never See Online Dating the Same Way Again

This experience changed the way I view dating apps forever. It exposed flaws in the system, but more importantly, it showed me that behind every profile is a real person just trying to be seen.

And that’s something we could all do better at — whether we’re swiping left, right, or logging off entirely.

What Do You Think?

Have you ever wondered what it’s like on the other side of online dating? Or had an experience that changed the way you see it? Let’s talk in the comments — I’d love to hear your perspective.