Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue

Committing to Ourselves

You may or may not have heard this 19th century good luck rhyme for newlyweds. Family and friends give the bride each of these items to incorporate into her attire for the big day. They're each symbols of family tradition, purity, love, and luck. These can be physical things, or spoken advice, blessings- however creative and meaningful your family would want to make it. They're pretty easy to remember, and it doesn't have to be your wedding day to incorporate their messages into your life. We're going take a creative approach as we flip this inwards, towards our own commitments to ourselves.

The more love and integrity we integrate into the commitments we keep to ourselves, it ripples outwards to shape the commitments and responsibilities outside of ourselves. So, depending where we're at and how we carry these out, it can strengthen the personal roots we have to our inner and outer worlds.

During life seasons, relationships, whether romantic or platonic. We blend our time, space, and emotions with another person- everything that comes with their world. This also happens in doses during school, work settings, social environments, the communities we're a part of. It's not uncommon to put a great amount of yourself into them, sometimes too much, sometimes we can feel that we've left parts of ourselves behind. This whole exercise is to make steps in the validation and retrieval of those parts.

We're called to take inventory and evaluate what we've really learned throughout these phases, the lessons they meant to shed light on. When we don't tune back in, or avoid them, we're not fully orienting our compass before re-engaging with life again. Usually they repeat. It's like getting back into the game before you're healed. The way musicians need to tune their instruments before the next set. You'll feel when you're in these spaces, the in between moments, and chapters.

I've seen myself go through cycles like this in different ways, and it's opened my eyes to the importance of keeping my own inner-balance while in a relationship, partnership, community, etc.

The only person's path we have full control over is our own. We choose what stays with us, and becomes a part of our daily, or what is graciously appreciated and let go of.

If we look at the moments and lessons deep enough, we can use our experiences to keep steering towards the person we want to become. The ever-evolving image that we curate and tailor as chapters pass. The closer we are to that wholesome version we know and resonate with, the easier it is to route back whenever we're in liminal spaces.

Any time I've felt out of alignment, getting closer to the things I love, value and care for, whether physical or not- have usually cleared up the fog quickly or inspired better action and thoughts.

It's a continual journey. The way this exercise is structured, you can check in with these pretty easily at any point you want to.

Commitments are dedicated, and focused time towards an activity. They can be quick, lengthy, goal-oriented, simple experiences, or an entire journey. It's up to you. You'll know what you have time for, and what you're ready to commit to. It's good to challenge yourself, but keep it to a a pace that will motivate you to continue. This is definitely a judgment-free zone.

Grab a notebook, your notes app, or start a text thread with yourself to jot down your: start dates, ideas, thoughts, and reflections. Set up reminders and motivators for yourself. Romanticize the moments, share with loved ones.

Whether you're single, engaged, married, divorced, widowed, or anywhere in between. It's important to tune back in with ourselves throughout the variety of relationships and seasons we'll encounter throughout life. How you feel about these things, who you are after them, how you feel about this change, and anything else that comes up. Listen to yourself, and don't cross over into rumination.

When I first got married, I didn't really take part in this tradition. I'm a 10 year divorcee this year. This has been a way to turn some rhyme like this around and honor myself. It wasn't always within my wiring to do this instinctually, but noticing that, I knew I had to make better steps towards myself. Think of your relationship to your own awareness and how you show up for yourself when you're sharing yourself.

Let's start! & Please feel free to get creative with these and make them your own <3

Something Old to explore again. Revisiting your personal roots and honoring them. Visit your inner child, or "older" versions of yourself and make up for any lost time. Inner Child work has been gaining popularity for a reason, a lot of us disconnect either knowingly or unknowingly. Willingly, or unwillingly. We all have our reasons, backgrounds. This is where you take the pen. Here we'll resurrect something from the past with lots of love, dust off something precious and honor yourself, celebrate your own Gallery of life.

Experience things that you'll undoubtedly enjoy again, gift yourself an experience that would absolutely make "little you" glow. Even if it's just you from last year. Think about what made these specific things so special to you. What about them stood out. Recognize your growth, and acknowledge the distance between then and now.

These are your personal firsts, favorites, traditions, hobbies, movies, music, shows, places, etc. Get nostalgic. The things that naturally called to you from the jump. This can be as simple as listening to your first-ever favorite album, rereading one of the first books you read, or visiting a space you found solace in and haven't been back to in some time. Oldies concerts, solo dates, get your imagination going and go do it.

People, places, & things you enjoy authentically, without worry of judgment. The areas you can breathe easy in and play. Keep thickening the roots you already have, nurture them. It makes it easier to discern between these and the things you don't want to hold onto anymore. If it helps to get a kid photo of you and put it up somewhere, do that! Keep it with you, make it your wallpaper while you're doing this one.

If there's a tradition or holiday that's been forgotten, bring it back. Keep breathing new life into the things that you don't want getting lost forever. The quality we put into the traditions we uphold, and honor now, are the ones that will get passed on later. This is especially relevant to the time I'm posting (Nearing Dia De Los Muertos). Pay homage to your past, get curious, and stay light hearted.

It's never too late to find your own way in celebrating the traditions you grew up with, around, or wanting to partake in. Implement meaning and extra love, creativity into anything that feels mundane. See where it takes you and make it your own, regardless of anyone or anything outside of you.

Everybody's relationship to nostalgia is different. I think if we make space to listen to some of those parts of us again, listen to those old albums, or revisiting some of the things we may have me judged before with love, log onto Tumblr again, getting the cool gel pen, small things like this are so quick and easy yet they can bring such a wave of happiness, why not. It rewrites it or reminds us of the beautiful things that make up our being. Shed light on the things you loved and enjoyed.

Acknowledge all that's made you- you. We're more than any of the things that may have stood in the way before, there's no reason that we can't go back and keep adding value to the spaces that could use it.

Pay tribute to yourself, your traditions, values, and keep honoring all that lights you up in loving ways!

Something New, out of your comfort zone, completely different. Challenge yourself and see yourself through to the other side of something that you've never tried or even considered. Be open minded, while respecting your own boundaries. Encourage the person you show up as in that setting, the student. Be supportive without judgment.

Creating a safe space for you to be in a student mindset, so that you stay open to learning and trying new things any time it may come up again. Don't be a bitter student :) We can surprise ourselves in the cutest ways, and build up the grace we allow ourselves in uncomfortable situations. You can be honest with discomfort without completely disregarding it, and you can build this relationship with yourself- however private or public as decide.

We might not love every new thing we try, but it's a good shake up for people who stick to their usual. Those of us who have been picky, or creatures of habit. It can be as small as ordering a completely different drink than you normally would at a new cafe, or incorporating a new element and style into your wardrobe. Make it something you'll enjoy regardless of the process. Observe yourself through the experience, usually it's not as bad as we think and it boosts our confidence in our new capabilities and pursuits.

This can be a new hobby that you've been meaning to jump into. It can be a new way of thinking that you'd like to implement. A new genre of music to listen to, a new route on the drive to and from home. Learn this by yourself and on your own time, but share your data with people! The experiences you have can inspire someone who has been on the verge of trying something new themselves.

Being okay with starting from zero and figuring it out all on your own will naturally open up new perspectives. Even if it's just a quick video tutorial on something you've always been curious about, like how they make Chapstick. Put yourself in a state of "awe".

New things that we'll find interest in, resonate with, or may be really good at. We meet so many new versions of ourselves every year. It's nice to choose what direction the growth will be in, whenever and however often we can.

Something Borrowed for inspiration and connecting with somebody who will help keep you accountable. Ask a friend, family member, or loved one to teach you to do the thing you admire most about them. This will be something to plan between the two of you. Whether they teach you how to make a specific recipe, a quick class of their favorite pastime hobby, or give you some of their favorite words of wisdom, advice, an experience they're willing to share. Connect <3

Strengthen the existing bonds you already have and let yourself be teachable, or just listen. The point here is to let go a bit, and put yourself in the passenger's seat, or in the assistant role. Our connections grow when we allow someone to give us a first-hand peek into their world too, how they do what they do, and understand their "why".

It can definitely feel weird if you don't usually do this, or if you're used to being in that role. This will make for a great memory together, an or can spark new traditions. Having someone to check-in with and learn from helps us get comfortable with being vulnerable. Whether you're already comfortable with this or not, it's a good muscle to exercise. Learning from each other is something special, it's unique to our own circles, interests, and lives. There's quality in the lessons we learn from each other, person to person. Life can get busy, but we make time for the things we want to seek out. Make an effort, and be open minded who finds themselves in the "teacher" role.

You'll usually notice someone light up as they're teaching you something new, look for someone who wants to do this. The interest in diving into each others world's willingly, and being open to learning something new from another, together. We find ourselves in both the teacher and student roles all throughout life. It's a different type of collaboration, I think it's healthy when you can be flexible with these roles. Neither should be treated as superior, both serve a purpose and we bounce back between the two often.

Something Blue, for acknowledging ways you find peace when you need it, a curated healing space and environment. Being truthful to the emotions inside of you, however they may be stirring or sitting. Rewrite and heal any outdated narratives, memories, or moments that didn't happen in the ideal ways we imagine. Developing your own strategies and coping mechanisms that you can fall back on when needed. Learn some new topics in healing, build up your toolkit. Discover new truths.

Be gentle and motivating to yourself. Take it at your own pace, and remind yourself of that sigh of relief after cleaning a space that's needed some serious dusting. We breathe a lot easier after. Whether we're tending to some older wounds, or setting things in place to prevent new or worsening ones.

If you got your heart broken at a cafe, and now you can't even pass that street- this is the time to go there and make a better memory of it. Make it as great as possible, because you have the pen and every right to keep writing new memories for yourself.

The song that got ruined, and now you can't even play that artist- make it yours. Pick an album and see how many you can listen to. See how many it takes for you to sing along, or dance. Don't let anything else write your narratives, but you. Then ask if you're really firm on them, and why. Be flexible when it's been too dogmatic, or rigid. Things can change without depreciating it's meaning.

Avoiding things that may bring us discomfort or pain is definitely not rare. And it's the easier way for a reason. This will require some courage and honesty with your emotions, thoughts, beliefs. Create a safe space for them to just be for a bit. Comfort yourself through the process, and develop your own relationship to your self-nurture.

It's not always easy to face things head on, especially if they make you uncomfortable and you don't understand why, yet. Pace it out, and practice. Do the thing that came to mind, and motivate yourself throughout the process. Know that you can accomplish it, or at least see better progress than before.

Meet the version of yourself that is a lil "blue", and give them something they need. Especially compassion, empathy, and tenderness. One of the simplest ways I can think of is noticing your own breath and syncing up with it when you need a moment. You deserve big, juicy, filling breaths, and attention to your rhythm. The moments where you feel your breath may get away, or has trouble regulating itself.

Practice feelings emotions all the way through, instead of rescheduling them, Baby steps are key! <3

Another great exercise is to write a letter to a past version of yourself that is grieving something very specific. This can be like an inner-child letter, or a recent version of yourself that was going through things you didn't bring up elsewhere. Something you weren't able to fully process, the story that replays in your mind, anything needing some closure and attention. You can give yourself that. Connect to that part of yourself and extend them some extra compassion, words you wish you received, or sitting in and feeling the emotions shamelessly. Give yourself that space.

It'll take some time, curiosity, and tolerance. Get comfortable with swimming in your emotions and knowing how to ease them with your own energy and capabilities, so that they bring you back to solid land peacefully. Not a practice to self isolate, or to not reach out, but to know what your own healing and nurturing can give. Create your own healthy coping skills, know that the tougher moments do pass. Know when it's time to cope, versus when it's time to be honest and reach out. <33

Keeping a notebook with dates, times, or any other details you want to include is a great way to dive into your own reflections and healing. I've done various versions of these, from revisiting some of the first things that excited me, my first favorites, to exploring my vulnerabilities and heading into the spaces I used to be hesitant to, with more love and curiosity. Self-love is a great gift to cultivate within yourself, and I honestly feel that you can keep expanding and learning new ways to do this throughout all the spaces of life we'll see. We get to define it or redefine it as needed, whatever season of life we're in.