Someone who doesn't belong

My cousin was always the oddest member of the family, too quiet and solitary. She was wrapped up in her own little world, barely interacting with anyone. My aunt, who only had her, tried to include her in various activities so she would integrate with other people her age. All her attempts to fix her ended in nothing: drawing, painting, or swimming classes. There were parties with guests my cousin didn't really know, but whom my aunt invited anyway. She consulted psychologists and doctors, hoping someone would give her a cure so her daughter would be like the others. Someone who would care about her appearance, go out with her friends, and find a boyfriend.

Although my cousin was definitely weird, it was never a real problem. She was quiet, kind, and seemingly peaceful; if she had trouble at school, she never mentioned it. At family gatherings, all the cousins ​​would talk about our friends or partners, the parties we went to, and the dramas we experienced. But my cousin never had anything to share. Her academic grades were good, but she didn't have any friends or partners to talk about. She was always polite, but ultimately a bit distant, as if she somehow didn't completely belong there.

Over time, my aunt stopped trying to force a normality that didn't suit her daughter and left her alone. She always loved her and gave her all the care one could give a child, but deep down, I think she never truly understood her. She never complained or belittled her in any way, but we all noticed how deep down she was struggling with herself, wondering if she had somehow failed at something, if the fact that her own daughter wasn't in any real romantic relationships was her fault. Without saying anything, we all knew she wasn't the daughter she wanted, but she still tried to love her with all her heart.

We weren't really that close; I would talk to her when the family got together. We went to the same university, but since I was two years older, we never shared any classes. I would see her in my free time, usually reading in the hallways or alone in a corner. I would go over to say hello and chat with her whenever I could. Although small talk wasn't her thing, she always left me with the feeling as if she was trying really hard to say the right thing, as if she were repeating a script she'd practiced hard but didn't really understand the content. I don't know; I think the only kind way to describe her personality is different.

For my part, my life was good. I graduated, met an amazing guy, and got a hard-working but well-paying job. A few years later, my cousin also finished her degree. She didn't attend her graduation; she picked up her diploma at the administrative offices, without any parties or special celebrations. She ended up finishing as if she were just fulfilling another requirement of a life that isn't really hers. I wonder who doesn't want to celebrate a moment like that, to show everyone the results of their efforts. But hey, at this point in life, we all get used to its quirks.

We thought that over time she might come out of her shell and form bonds with other people. Humans are social beings. I think it's a matter of survival to create emotional bonds with others, whether it's to make it easier to find work, deal with daily problems, or just because loneliness is a force that slowly kills us, no matter who you are. We're not meant to live without any kind of emotional connection. But it seemed that evolutionary fact didn't reach her.

When she finished college, my aunt told the rest of her family that she sent out resumes and looked for jobs online, but she didn't have any contacts to help her break into the workforce, and she had no luck finding a stable job. It got to the point where they had a huge argument. My aunt, with tears in her eyes, told her to stop being a spoiled brat, to behave like an adult, and to really put in the effort. In the end, my cousin gathered what little savings she had, threw her belongings into a suitcase, and left the city.

From that moment on, the two have only communicated through text messages, always polite and respectful, but with a dry tone that's a little painful to see when you know they still deeply love each other. Neither of them was able to apologize for that fight. I think they both feel the other made a mistake. I know they still love each other; after all, they're mother and daughter, but the chasm in their relationship is now unbridgeable.

I can't say if their separation is the fault of one or the other. Her mother loved her and tried her best to give her the life she always wanted, and my cousin didn't take advantage of those opportunities. Although I've come to wonder if maybe it wasn't that she didn't want to do it, but that she couldn't; something inside her didn't understand how to make human relationships work, no matter how much she wanted to please her mother or fit in with her social environment. I think some people are simply not made for this world.