Smile Often

Smile often.

A lesson I learned simply through observation of my mother. No matter the day, no matter the moment, her smile spread across her face in a welcoming sea of compassion and acceptance. It gave her strength just as much as it gave her two daughters strength. A single mother, she understood the mindset she maintained within would guide and direct hers and her daughter’s lives far more than her feet would. People craved to be around her because she challenged you, all while smiling and encouraging you. She met obstacles with hope and mountains with determination. She sought out knowledge, achieving every degree in nursing that one can obtain, and not once did she complain of being tired, even after the long 12-hour shifts in the Emergency Room. She later found true passion in teaching others going on to teach paramedics, nurses, and anyone within her presence for more than five minutes. She wrote nursing manuals, created Advanced Life Support training curriculums, and established seminars for the Division of EMS that are still in existence today. Knowledge to her was power and she wanted all those that came in contact with her to leave more powerful than before.

This is what made her inspiring.

She placed humor over pain, often crying and laughing simultaneously when life tried so hard to crash heartache and disappointments right through her smiles. Through her tears she cleansed in a higher wisdom. Through her smiles she bathed in a deeper understanding. When she entered Hospice many years ago we assumed her humor would fade. It didn’t. Even when Hospice released her after almost a year she left with a giggling remark of “Who would have thought I would be fired from Hospice for not dying fast enough.” She placed jokes in the uncomfortable, scary, and dark corners of life to allow others to feel comfort even if she was feeling pain. She would end up spending over sixteen years in and out of the hospital – and yet she still left an impression of happiness with the hospital staff, regardless of her level of illness at the time of her admissions. From family, to friends, to strangers, she showed appreciation, love and acceptance even if others did not do the same in return. She stood in a light that could illuminate another’s way because it was so bright.

This is what made her unforgettable.

Her smile was the golden ray of love that guided me through the journeys that drove me to be more empathetic, encouraging, and appreciative for those in my life as well as for myself. It taught me how to be vulnerable, as well as how to establish boundaries. It taught me that love is simply given, not expected in return. It was also the beacon of light that helped me swim through the shattered pieces of my heart when she left this world. She was an explorer of information, a gatherer of determination, and a deliverer of motivation. She put herself through school, raised two girls on her own, battled through heartaches, disappointments and even illnesses, and not once did she stop fighting. She gave her all in all in she did.

This is what made her my hero.

She used to say to me “Never let anyone live rent-free in your head.” The problem is now that she is gone, she lives there every day…but there is no one left to pay the rent for the occupancy of my thoughts. I close my eyes and see her smile. I feel the warmth it provided and I know inside that my mother taught me resilience…through her resilience. She taught me determination….through her motivations. She taught me grace through her ability to stay composed. Her smile was her armor…and I was her sponge observer.

I miss her.

I miss her voice.

I miss her smile.