Should I Stay?

I am going to go ahead and say, this is not pertaining to me or my relationship. However, if you are experiencing any of this, talk to someone, get out of the situation as soon as you can. Do not hold it all in, because you never know when it would be too late. Without further ado, I present to you, "Should I stay?"

We argued again today. I don't understand why. We always used to laugh and have fun when we were together, now it just feels like we argue all the time. I dread him coming home. I dread watching the clock, as time withers away my anxiety starts to peak. Will he be in a good mood? Will he want to hang out? Will he want to cook with me? Or will he walk in with an attitude? Will he slam his stuff down and walk past me? Will he yell at me even though we haven’t spoken all day? Should I stay?

We started off like most couples do, happy and outgoing. To be honest, I was happier than I had ever been. Everything was going great; we had been together almost a year and nothing bad had happened. We got along, we were always laughing, and I wish I knew where it all went wrong. Why did everything change? Was it something I did? Was it something I said? Was this all my fault? Should I stay?

I try to walk away, I really do. He just won’t let me. If I walk away, he follows. I try to go in a different room. I try to lock the doors, but he beats on them. He punches them. He kicks them. He tries to knock them off the hinges. I’m starting to get really scared. What if one day, I become the door? Should I stay?

He got in my face today. I don’t even remember why we were arguing, but he didn’t like what I said. I don’t even remember it happening, all I remember is he was in my face, and I was pinned to the wall. I couldn’t move. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. All I could do, was stare at my hands that were by my side. I didn’t yell back. I didn’t speak. I stayed quiet so it would stop. I think it made him angrier, though. He kept saying things he knew would hurt me. I guess he wanted me to retaliate. He finally moved away, and all I could do was hit the ground and cry. I don’t know if I can do this anymore. Should I stay?

He apologized today. He said he didn’t mean it, and that it would never happen again. He said he loves me, and that he doesn’t want to lose me. He’s taking me out to show me how much he really means the apology. We’re going to my favorite place! I believe him and forgive him. We all get worked up sometimes right? It was only a one-time thing. We should be going back to normal again. I can’t wait to see what the future holds.

He hit me today. There's no need to call anyone, though. It was my fault. I knew he was angry, and I stood too close. It's not his fault, it was a complete accident. He would never actually hit me on purpose. I just need to not stand so close when he is angry. I need to stop pissing him off. I just need to stop talking back. I'm the reason he gets so angry. I never know when to shut up, I inevitably push him over the edge. It will all get better, though. I now know what I am doing wrong. But then again, should I stay?

I caught him cheating today. He said it's my fault because I never give him what he wants. He said it's my fault because I always piss him off. I tried to leave, but he cornered me again. I tried to call the police, but he smashed my phone. I tried to run away, but he caught me and dragged me back. I tried to scream for help, but he muffled my screams with his hand. I tried to fight back, but I was too weak. I don't even remember falling asleep. All I remember was thinking, "All of this is my fault, I just never know when to leave well enough alone." Should I stay?

I woke up in bed with bruises on my wrists and on my ribs. I don't really remember what happened, and my head is killing me. Where did the bruises come from? Why does my throat hurt? Why is the house trashed? Where is my phone? Are my keys still here? Where is he? Then it all came flooding back. It hit me like a truck. The argument. The screaming. The violence. I thought it was all a dream. Has this really become my reality? Do I need to be fearing for my life? Why am I still here? Do I have anywhere to go? I should try to leave before he gets back. Or should I stay?

We talked it out, and everything is good again. My bruises look bad, but I can easily hide them. Luckily, it's cold out, so I can wear long sleeves. We're laughing again. We're getting along again. He said he deleted everything and that he's not going to cheat again. I believe him. He's not hiding his phone anymore. He's not so angry anymore. Maybe we're having a breakthrough! Maybe it will actually be all better. Maybe, just maybe.

I was wrong. I was so terribly wrong. My head hurts, and both of my eyes are blackened. My lip is busted, and I can barely see. I think my nose is broken as well. I need to call someone. I need to get out. I don't know how to leave without him knowing, though. I wonder if I can get to the neighbor's house before he figures out, I left. I'm afraid. I don't want to get anyone else involved, but I'm also afraid for my life. I think he may kill me. I think that may be his ultimate goal.

I'm going to try to run. I just have to get up first. My sides hurt. My legs can barely hold me up. I feel so weak, but I know I need to get out. I think he's in the shower. Now is my chance. I need to hurry before he comes out here. How far is the neighbor's house? Will they help me? Will they even answer their door? I don't know, but I have to try. If I don't get out now, he will kill me. If they don't answer, I will just hide until I can get somewhere else. He won't look for me forever, right?

I'm safe for now. The neighbors quickly ushered me in and called the police. He was on a rampage when he figured out, I was gone. Luckily, the cops got to me before he did, or else I don't think I would have made it out alive. They took him in and I won't have to see him again. I do have to make a testimony, but I will not be present in the same room with him.

I had four cracked ribs, a broken ankle and nose, bruising externally and internally, punctured lung, and head trauma. They don't know how I made it out of there. To be honest, I don't either. I thought for sure, I was going to die that day. Somehow, no one ever heard anything. No one ever knew anything was wrong. They didn't hear the arguments. They didn't see the bruises. They didn't see the holes in the walls or cracks in the furniture. They didn't see the broken glass. They never saw anything. It was all very well hidden. Luckily, I got out, but will you?

I know this may have been very hard to read, but if you got through it, thank you. Again, this is not pertaining to me or my relationship. Now onto the hard part. If you are experiencing any of this, any at all, please get out while you can. This is no joking matter. If someone puts their hands on you once, they will do it again. They aren't going to change. Don't endanger yourself, while stroking someone else's ego. Your life matters. Your safety matters. Your feelings matter. You are not something that can just be thrown away. You are not something that can just be invalidated. You are so much more. You are a person. You have every right to feel the way you do. Don't let someone take away the most precious thing, you.

Please seek help. Run to the neighbor's house. Text a family member or friend. Call the police. Do something to save yourself. You are not a waste of space. You are not a waste of time. You are not a waste of energy. You deserve the best. Don't settle. There is someone out there that will treat like you are supposed to be treated. This goes for both men and women. I know this is written from a woman's point of view, but domestic violence happens on either side. Speak up!

If you know of someone going through this, be their voice. Encourage them, because Lord knows they don't have much strength. Abuse happens in many ways. This is about physical abuse, but mental and emotional abuse are just as bad. Don't just sit back and say, "It'll work itself out," or "They should be able to handle it themselves." When you are in an abusive relationship, all of your resolve is gone. You don't feel like you can do anything. You have been so invalidated, that you feel your voice doesn't matter anymore.

If someone comes to you about abuse, don't take it lightly.