Should A Female Tell Her New Boyfriend About Her Past Relationships?

In a conversation with a family member, who was complaining about how her best friend Noya, has no luck with men.

She broke up with her third boyfriend after a year.

“What happened?” I asked as we sat on her sofa in her living room, thinking why some females are never off the market. I know many females who are always in a relationship. I knew Noya, she was a mature, responsible, and wonderful girl. She is doing something wrong with these men, or choosing the wrong kind of guys.

“Whenever they are together, he spends most of the time on his phone and social media, ignoring her,” she explained.

“For me, that means I am not that important to him. Isn’t her relationship long-distance?” I remembered that they lived in different countries.

“Damn, yes,” she answered eyeing me. “He paid for her ticket to visit him too.”

“Love and kindness speak the truth to us in every relationship. Humans who don’t want the truth will ignore it,” I educate.

“She got into an argument with him about it and he cursed her out telling her why the guys from her past treated her the way they did,” my cousin explained.

“Wait a minute,” I called out. “How did he know about what her exes did to her?”

“She told him,” she revealed.

“Why?” I demanded. Being older and wiser I know there are three sides to every story. His side. Her side and the right side. I am so aware, that I will find out what I need to know about you through your actions, choices, and decisions. I listen to everything you say, and mostly, what you don’t say. I also learn to read actions and emotions.

“They are in a relationship. She needs to tell him about her past?” my cousin defends.

“Says who?” I screamed in anger. “Did he tell her the truth about his?”

Silence answered me and I hit her with, “I am aware that the truth is vital in all relationships, but sometimes, it is used as a weapon to intimidate and destroy the female when some of these guys don’t get their way.”

“I didn’t see it that way. She loved him, she didn’t expect him to use her past to belittle and traumatize her!”

“One year isn’t enough time for a girl to be pouring out her soul to a guy,” I defend my decision. “Don’t this generation take the time to know each other?”

“How did you do it?” she demands.

Giving her eye contact I explain, “I take the time to know him, then I go for the heart. I don’t care about his past. I am interested in the present, the future, and what we share. As an aware female, I can read actions and emotions. I pay attention to his words, how he lives, how he treats me and others. I don’t pour my soul out to these guys quickly. I take the time to know him before I tell him certain things.”

“So, taking the time to know him you can choose what to tell him?” she asked, fear in her eyes.

“One of my rules is to be careful what I say to anyone who can’t control their mouth. Both male and female,” I educate.

“Oh, she said he did her bad,” she revealed, searching my eyes.

I let her in and explained, “Humans tell us about themselves daily in many ways. Everyone in a relationship must be aware of their partner’s actions. I don’t wait for James to tell me about his day. By his smile, he talked a lot and helped me a lot more, I sense he had a good day. If it is the opposite, then I know his day was bad. He isn’t good at hiding his feelings, and that is involuntary action, which means. . .”

“His actions reveal the truth,” she cut me off.

“Right,” I agreed. “Relationships are not easy, but taking the time to know each other, helps to create harmony, peace, and understanding, leading to more happiness.”

She sighed and said, “Yeah, you are right. Now she is planning to join the convent.”

In laughter, I asked, “You think the priests are better?”

“They can keep a secret,” she said giggling.

Silence steps in and moments later I encouraged her, “Tell her to slow down and take the time to know these guys before revealing her soul to them.”

Relationships are a two-way street. We must take the time to know our partner. Awareness is a powerful tool that can and will help to improve relationships and life. — Annelise Lords

If your heart could speak, what would it say?

I like reading minds, and with awareness, it’s easy. I can sense if my husband is in a bad mood or is happy when he comes in. I learn to read him and his emotions. That takes time.

Thank you for reading this piece. I hope you enjoyed it.