Separation

"What?? Is that supposed to be code word for seeing someone else or an emergency...which is it?", I asked him. My face in a frowned expression, confused.

"Look...we actually saw the planet through the scope, and then after ...he asked if me if was happy in my relationship and I confessed...well ..?", he trailed off, hesitant.

I grew restless. Tried to stay calm, but on the inside I was boiling, listening as best as possible, but boiling like oil in a pan on high fucking heat.

"Well ..what exactly did you confess to your brother, and not to me?", I asked, trying to remain calm and understandable, but again on the inside boiling.

He inhaled, looking uncomfortable, shifting in his seat. We were in the car.

"Well...I told him that what I wanted was a house and kids and dogs and a secure job..family. And I said, i wasn't happy...and then he said my parents well...they found me a girl. And.... well it's the same one, I...reconnected with...well the one...haha...haha voice cracked", he nervously laughed and looked at me. Dusting off an old inside joke we always used to have. This time is wasn't funny to me.

"I'm listening"...I said, flatly.

He cleared his throat and sat up in his seat and looked at me.

"Remember, I told you, that my parents tried to set me up with this girl, a few years ago, long before you and I knew each other and I said no at the time. Well, turns out they've been reaching out to her family all these years on and off and well...i don't know... They want us to be together. And I think I want to be with her. She wants everything I do....and"...

Hot tears started to form in my eyes and blur my vision, as I came to a conclusion in my head. I never thought it would end like this. I thought I was going to be one leaving him - but he was one step ahead of me, maybe several.

"You don't have to...um.. explain further. I got it", I said, sniffling and dabbing my eyes.

"Look, I'm really sorry... I don't mean to hurt you...I just...don't want to be alone and with you moving and all...this is the life that I want. A wife. A house. Dogs. And she wants the same thing...but I wish it was you. But you're...."-he trailed off.

"Moving, I know...", I cut him off bluntly. "Well.. thank you for driving me, I'm think I'm just gonna get my things from the back"... I opened the passenger door and hurriedly grabbed my things, put my dark sunglasses on and tried to speed walk to my apartment entrance.

"Hey, we can talk about this... I just want you to be okay". .. he said, using assertion in his voice, and briefly stopped me in my tracks.

I inhaled and exhaled. I looked at him, and then I quickly fidgeted in my purse, grabbed a cigarette from a small gold case and tucked it between my lips, lit the end, inhaled and out.

"You're not gonna offer me one, huh?", He broke the silence and laughed lightly.

I took a beat. "I thought you already have your own supply", I said flatly, leaning against the car now and exhaling smoke.

"Fair enough..", he said, pulling out his pack of cigarettes, pressing one between his lips, cupped it and blew out smoke.

"Hey, I'm really sorry...I didn't mean for it to go like this. I was going to tell you, but I don't know... with our schedules and us not spending time together. I just couldn't find the right time to tell you. We can talk about this whenever you like and we can still be friends, if that's what you choose"...

We were standing midday in the parking lot, him about to go to his life and me about to divert to mine.

I smiled, astonished. Still processing, still working on my cigarette. Thinking. I couldn't believe how calm he was about this. I was boiling. Raging. Hurt. Betrayed. So many questions.

I took a breath, "Look....thank you for driving me around today. Hope you find what you're looking for...I'm going to get going and unpack and settle"....

I stomped the cigarette, collected my bags over my shoulder and offered my hand out for handshake. French manicure and rings.

"What, we're doing a business deal, now?" he asked, almost laughing.

"It's been a ride....take care of yourself...hope she makes you happy", I said, fighting back tears.

"I'm truly sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you.." he said, giving me his apologetic face.

We shook hands and I walked off with my bags on my shoulders.

I didn't turn back. And neither did he.