Selfish Idiots Ruined the Following 4 Things

Behind every stupid rule is a selfish moron who took things too far.

For example, a robber was attempting to steal from another man’s backyard.

He climbed the wooden fence, jumped down — and was promptly mauled by the owner’s rottweilers.

Fortunately, the dogs didn’t face discipline or euthanization. They did what they were supposed to do.

But — the robber was too dumb to understand the “beware of dog” sign. So he sued the owner.

That county now has a rule that dog signs must say “dog bad” which is easier to read.

Morons go into your museums and theme parks. They break things.

They’re the reason life is a pain in the ass.

Facebook wasn’t always like this

I joined Facebook in its infancy.

The platform was spartan and simple. it was just me, my local buddies, and a few other party friends.

It was new and open and a refreshing change from Myspace.

We didn’t worry about being judged.

We posted pictures of our nightlife, doing beer bongs, being fools. We posted funny memes and good times.

Then, our parents started sending friend requests.

All of a sudden it felt like we were being watched and critiqued.

The platform grew and the notion that our content was publicly visible became more apparent.

Then the idiots arrived and started posting politics. Fast forward, we have entire governments weaponizing social media to spread disinformation.

I’m still dealing with Kremlin trolls saying Ukraine was never invaded.

“Chill Facebook” is gone — forever.

Ancient tourist attractions are now cursed

Once upon a time, you could ascend the Great Pyramid of Giza.

You could stand near its 138-meter peak to gaze out upon the vast Sahara desert and marvel — as the pharaoh Khufu once did — at your kingdom and all its glory.

You could do this at any pyramid around the world.

But then people began doing acrobatics on the stairs, injuring themselves and suing the park.

They raced to the top and caused damage to the limestone. They took “I’m hot” selfies on altars where children were sacrificed.

In one museum, a woman and her friends were admiring a statue of Narcissus.

One of them thought it would be funny to kiss his butt.

But in doing so, her lipstick stained the porous marble:

Via Art Gallery of NSW

Five years ago, a man filmed himself knocking over a 20 million-year-old hoodoo (a rare phenomenon of a wide rock balancing on a thin base) in Goblin Valley, Utah:

The video sparked widespread outrage and led to criminal charges.

This story has a minor upside.

The man in the video was involved in a disability lawsuit (caused by an accident at his day job). Allegedly, he was too injured to work and was dealing with chronic pain.

The opposing lawyer used this footage to prove he wasn’t that injured. The judge dismissed the case.

In 2016, I was in a cave in Belize where the ancient Mayans did sacrificial rituals and prayers.

We’d ventured deep within partially submerged caves when we reached the 700-year-old archaeological site.

Park rangers had ropes to create separation from all the religious pots on display. It was frustrating because I wanted to get closer to see the detail.

Then I learned why there was a separation.

A giant cell-phone-shaped hole was in one of the skulls. Someone had leaned in to take a selfie with the skull. While doing so, she slipped and dropped the phone onto the fragile remains.

Going to a movie theater

I still enjoy going to theaters with my girlfriend. It gives us an excuse to get out of the house and focus on a movie with no distractions.

It’s gotten remarkably expensive. The last time we went, tickets were nearly $25 each.

But the biggest problem is the people. There is constant talking and playing on phones.

We had teenage girls sitting in the front row during a showing of Dune. Their screens were flashing in the front row. They were sprinting in and out of the theater like hyper children.

My girlfriend left halfway through the movie to use the bathroom.

She bumped into the teenagers and called them out for ruining the movie for everyone and they didn’t come back.

She got back from her bathroom break and said, “Don’t worry about those girls. I took care of it.”

For a brief second, I was worried she’d killed them.

Sadly, in the past three out of four movie dates we’ve been on, there has been some sort of incident. It’s making movie theaters damn near impossible to enjoy.

I’m hoping it’s just bad luck on our part.

It wasn’t always like this.

Office internet

Most corporate offices have a “bend don’t break” rule on internet usage.

High achieving professionals don’t want to be micromanaged or watched with suspicion.

Think about it. If you work 50+ hours and are good at your job, it shouldn’t be an issue if you want to check the news or your bank account.

But some people treat their office like an entertainment center, streaming Twitch and YouTube all day.

As a result, HR and IT team up like a Kremlin intelligence agency, looking for any signs of slackers.

The golden snitch sees all.