Self Healing Journey

Once trauma strikes, it can be hard to recover. I survived domestic violence, leaving me to restart my life at 36 years old. Over the last 3 and a half years, I have been working on healing. In that time, self-reflection has helped me realize what got me into the bad situations I was in. I am finally starting to see results from all of my efforts. If you put in the work, you will too.

Face you shadow

One of the hardest parts of self-growth is recognizing your own flaws. No one wants to hear negative aspects of themselves, but to improve, you have to learn them. Figuring out what caused you to get into the predicament in the first place. Although it’s never the victim’s fault in domestic violence situations, things like insecurities, past trauma, etc, can affect judgment. Learning to be aware is very important. For me, I had to stop drinking. January 18, 2024, was my first day without alcohol. I was a high-functioning alcoholic for many years. I never personally had any issues that negatively affected people or anything like that. Most of the time, people couldn’t tell I had been drinking. However, I knew my health was at risk, and I had tried to stop a few times. Finally, on that day, I woke up so hungover that I decided it was time. Once I quit drinking, I could see how much it had actually affected my life. What had led to the heavy drinking was trying to escape the reality I was in during that abusive relationship. My own low self-esteem at the time didn’t let me see that I deserved better. I understand and know now that I should have never been in that situation. I now have self-love and high self-esteem since I have been working on myself. Learning from patterns in my past, I began to see that I had a difficult time standing up for myself, something I have also overcome. I no longer allow anyone to take advantage of me. I’m very selective about who can be in my life and who I talk to. Once you are away from what caused your trauma, you can have new challenges that arise. Another part of myself I didn’t want to face was that I was extremely angry about what happened to me. I had held it in unhealthy ways. As hard as it is, you have to address your triggers and learn to deal with them. Over the last four months, I have had great progress with good things coming in my life, which has helped me let go.

Get healthy

Quitting drinking was my first step towards a healthier lifestyle. I feel much more motivated, even on challenging days. I wake up earlier feeling more rested. The brain fog I used to experience has gone away. My anxiety has gotten much better. Once I quit drinking, I joined the gym where I work out almost every day. I can now run a mile in under 10 minutes on a treadmill. The row machine is another favorite of mine to use at the gym. There are days when I also work out at home or go for runs outside. Eating healthy is important too. I cut out fast food and energy drinks. I do still drink coffee, which I am trying to stick to just black, not adding sugar or creamer. I have increased how much water I drink. With the many years of drinking, I became concerned about what damage I could have caused, so I started going to the doctors. I had avoided the doctors for years due to fear. I got the needed check-ups done, no issues. I feel I got extremely lucky, which is why I’m on top of my health now. I can feel a major difference in my body since I have made these changes. Over time, it becomes easier to make healthy changes; each time you achieve one goal, set another.

Heal your soul with books

In the past, I never read books. I would read articles on my phone because they were usually not about things that would improve my life. Another thing I started doing once I quit drinking was I started reading spiritual books. One I highly recommend for personal growth is The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz. He shares Toltec wisdom to help with self-growth. I will list them below

• Be impeccable with your word
• Do not take anything personally
• Do not make assumptions
• Always do your best

The book goes on to explain how to incorporate this into your life. He has also released The Fifth Agreement: Guide to Self-Mastery, which is a follow-up with a new agreement

• Be skeptical, but learn to listen

Another great read is The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life by Deepak Chopra. I will list a few below

• The world is in you
• What you seek, you already are
• Every life is spiritual
• The universe thinks through you

If you’re looking for one that’s not as spiritual, I suggest This Book Is Cheaper Than Therapy: A No-Nonsense Guide to Improving Your Mental Health by Liz Kelly, LICSW. Here are a few of the topics she covers

• Practice real self-care when life feels overwhelming
• Quiet and tame your inner critic
• Cope with the pain of grief and loss

These books and many more have helped me grow. Most of what you learn from them is basic common sense, but presented in a different light.

Let go of what’s not serving you

As I mentioned, I had to stop drinking, although that was an obvious one. Unhealthy eating is another one that I have worked very hard on and have made great progress. However, many others took time for me to identify. For example, I have learned that I can no longer be around certain people due to their negative attitude, which drags me down when I’m around them. If you dread being around someone, they are energy vampires, which is a sign you should reevaluate how much time you spend with them. Sometimes a change in work is good for you, too. I decided to start focusing on my writing career and starting my domestic violence awareness program because, although I loved budtending, it wasn’t taking me further in my life. Instead of wasting time binge-watching Netflix shows, I started taking psychology and writing classes. I have started writing my first book, which will come out in 2026. Another big one is saying yes when you want to say no. It’s hard, but if you’re not comfortable or don’t want to do something, resist the urge to people-please; you will thank yourself later. Finally, one of the most important things you can do is let go of the anger from your pain, as it no longer serves you. Don’t let the past control your future.

Every person’s healing journey is different. Stay strong in your path to happiness. Follow me at @DvawarenessNow on Instagram for updates on Dainara’s Law and domestic violence awareness information. http://change.org/dainaraslaw