Self-Care or Self-Centred?

“We are not all in the same boat. We are in the same storm. Some have yachts, some canoes and some are drowning. Just be kind and help whoever you can”

This is a quote I hold close because it seems the further into the pandemic and isolation we get the more self-centred people seem to have become often disregarding other people’s feelings completely.

The fact that we have to be reminded to be kind to others shows that the balance is all wrong. With everything in the world being so driven by money and status have we simply forgotten how to be a decent human being?

A global pandemic has indeed changed the way we behave in our everyday lives and it certainly has tested our character. Sadly this is something we seem to be failing rather miserably at. I don’t think there’s ever been a time when the world was so angry about everything.

The rise in the wellness industry seems to have fuelled this issue. “Self-Care” a word I’m sure we’ve all heard far too many times but where’s the line between self-care and self-centred? Sure if you’re feeling a bit run down it’s fine to take a little time out to do something for yourself that you enjoy but when does that balance tip into only worrying about yourself and your own needs at the expense of everybody else’s?

In a year of extremes, it became apparent that there were those who gave everything up to help others even if that put them at risk, those who were only focused on themselves and then everybody else who sat on the fence somewhere in the middle.

A study carried out in 2016/2017 showed that where people sat on this scale was often to do with their level of emotional intelligence as some people are more tuned into this than others. Those with a low level of emotional intelligence had a tendency to be self-absorbed. A later study in 2020 found that people who are self-centred adapt their memories of events to avoid feeling bad about themselves and come across to others as better than they are. I’m sure we’ve seen examples of this in our everyday lives where someone who is generally focused on themselves will randomly do an act of kindness in a way to feel good about themselves and in control.

This leads me to a word about manners. Are we losing basic manners? It's a bugbear of many people I know where communication will be excellent up until the point where the other person no longer feels they need X thing/have finished getting what they needed and instead of sending a polite note be it a text, email, phone call, WhatsApp message etc to say something simple like "Not for me but thanks for your time" radio silence descends and chasers are read but left unanswered. Think of other peoples feelings if you're guilty of this and how you'd feel if someone did this to you and I'm sure the majority of us have been victims of this multiple times in our lives. It raises the question of how did communication die out in a golden age of communication where we're all attached to these devices 24/7 that are able to send and receive messages? Everyone is busy but it only takes a matter of seconds to send a quick message which will make someone feel great if it's a "thank you" or know where they stand if it's a "no thank you."

I wonder how we’ll look back on our actions a few years down the line when we see the full impact of this global pandemic. The lines have blurred over many things such as does your right to good health outweigh the countries economic needs or visa versa? Where does the right to your free speech end? In order to survive/achieve good mental health should you put your wants and needs above everybody else’s?

What would you do differently or would you just adapt your story to make everything sound better than it was?