Safe Love

I have fallen in love many times in my life. I have loved friends, partners (or so I thought anyways), pets, places.. so much. I am a lover by default. But that got hardened over time and I started protecting myself a lot more. Valentine's Day 2023, I had no intentions other than getting drunk by myself and going home. Instead, I met someone. We laughed and joked from across the bar all night. We made jokes and just laughed and laughed. Then we traded phone numbers. He will still deny it to this day but he gave me the wrong number. So I naturally went home and cried to my dad that nobody likes me and it's hard to make friends. I did meet someone else that night, too. She is now one of my closest friends whom I also love very much. But after that night, I was sure a good one got away.

Over the next few months, I went out a couple times and he was there.. every time. I did what I am good at and just ignored him. I could feel him looking at me and I looked ahead. Eventually, he wore me down and I said "hi". We picked up like we never had stopped talking. This was in June. I went on a date at the same place and he was there. He texted me that I was looking good. It was sometime after that fizzled out that I invited him over to my house to have a fire with my friend and I invited his friend, too. His friend didn't come but we talked until like 1 or 2am. He had to be up by 4am so whoops. But he texted me the next day and said losing the sleep was worth it because he's never met someone like me. Then he said "in a good way" and I knew this was going to be more than a friendship.

We talked on the phone pretty much every night, sometimes for hours. We texted throughout the day. A few bumps happened but eventually, we went on our first date. My stipulation was that my dogs came with. So he picked me up on I believe a Saturday or Sunday and we went to the town over and had dinner. He made sure my boys had plenty of water and parked where they had the most shade. We had dinner and margaritas then went to a bar next door. Then we decided to stop at the gas station (where he got them plain jerky as a treat). He wanted to take the back way home and I was down for an adventure. Well.. by this time it was dark and we got lost. It was so fun driving in nothing and just laughing and talking. I could be 100% myself around him and it was so nice. We got home around 4am. I defintely called out of work the next day and slept in. When I woke up, he had texted me good morning and when I responsded, he said he was on his 3rd Monster (energy drink). That was the start of this amazing journey.

Things haven't always been easy in life and with mental and chronic conditions, life can seem harder. But he has been patient, held me when I needed it and he has learned what my silences mean (usually I'm just in my head). I have never experienced a love like this. He is calm, gentle, caring. He loves me and my dogs and takes really good care of us. He always talks about our future and supports whatever I choose to do with my life. His only stipulation is that I have some sort of retirement account. The other day I told him I really don't want to go the safe route and instead follow my dreams. He said "I want you to follow your dreams. Let's talk about it tonight." I know he has been upset with me a couple times but he has never once even raised his voice. Even when I went off my meds cold turkey (yeah, don't do that) and screamed in his face (not my proudest moment). He didn't raise his voice. He asked that I lower mine and we talk about why I was upset. That healed a part of me.

I have told him this a few times. But he truly has healed hearts he didn't break. My oldest dog is finally safe around a man that isn't my dad. I joked that he only loves 4 people on this planet and the other 2 are me and my best friend who are not males. Ruger has been abused so he is very cautious. But he just melts into my boyfriends arms when they are reunited after he went to battle (aka work). And he has healed me in ways I didn't think was possible. I am still learning and growing but I hope to learn and grow by his side for the rest of my life. It's scary feeling this in love with a person, especially when you have been burned in the past but we are both learning and figuring out that it's safe to grow when the person you are with actually wants to see that. Love is amazing when it's so gentle and kind.