Sacrificial Filling

In my comprehension of what it means to be human, I seldom find instances of the common person being humane. Naturally, we are born with thoughts, ideals, character traits, emotions, and much more. Unfortunately, we have a common dilemma amongst the people who truly struggle.

Discerning Between Homelessness, Desperation, and the Advantageous

My mother used to tell me stories of when I was younger, and how my natural disposition was of pure empathy. She told me that I was at the airport once as a child, and was talking to an older, European woman. Somehow, the dialogue must've been very nice, and simple; in fact, she said I gave the woman a tight hug, and walked away with us both smiling. She asked me if I knew the woman, and I told her, "nope." She told me that since then she knew, I had a heart that people will truly need to emulate.

That said from my adolescence into adulthood, I was met by quite a number of instances where I had to show love to others. It isn't natural for me to be coldhearted and dismissive. I simply care too much, in a country where the vast majority doesn't seem to care at all (about people they don't know).

I get tired of this current era, where the guys in the hood ask you, "Can I get a dollar?" every several minutes. They can work just like I can, and right now I'm barely working. I'm praying for a Vocal revenue spike, because I was fired from my job (Gregory's Coffee) in Feb. 2020 (not due to COVID), and it's been HARD for me since! Sometimes I look at them and think, "shoot, can I get a dollar?"

Giving Graciously

Some time ago, I believe it was the year 2008, I was working at Target. I shopped at Target often enough prior to working there, so understand that I was ELATED when I got hired! My heart would pump so fast, that I'd be nervous about heartaches at random. Excitement was on an indescribable level. Those checks were ok, but I tried to save what I could, to the best of my ability.

Any who...

I was coming home one day from work, and had gotten a bonus. I genuinely don't remember the reason that check was $600, but I could put money in the bank, and keep a bit in my pocket. I left between 50 & 60 dollars in my wallet, and walked towards an area where there were many pillars. This day, there was a homeless man laying by a particular pillar. He looked...exhausted from warfare with a life, that I couldn't understand even if I tried. Dusty, down, unfulfilled, and torn are the only words that remind me of him. My heart jumped, and I couldn't leave that space without intervening. So I went in my wallet, and gave him $10 or $20.

He looked at me...

And looked at me...

Then he said, "Thank you, and God bless you! I haven't eaten all day!"

I smiled after a small dialogue with him, while leaving feeling fulfilled. I am always grateful that I have a home, food, love from family, and the basic necessities that too many forget to be thankful for. My heart dropped, and I tried to keep seeing if he'd be there when I past that area. I never saw him again!

The words and responses are what do it for me!

I can usually figure out the genuine from the inauthentic; it's in the face. It lies also in the verbal response, and body language. It lies in the tears swelling in their eyes, and the thankfulness they show.

Journal Square Care

At another time I honestly don't remember specifics on, I was preparing to head home from a space called Journal Square. That area is financially well off, with buildings containing banks, multiple schools, businesses, and much more. Yet at that time, homelessness was still rampant in that area. I was heading for my bus to go home, when I passed by two homeless people (one male and one female) that appeared to be asleep. My heart moved; when it does, I have to listen. Right now, even writing about this moment is making my heart heavy. If you could've seen their faces...

I then *sigh* turned around and walked back to 7/11. I bought 2 sandwiches, and 2 bottles of water, and made my way back to those homeless people on the ground. I smiled, and put the food beside them, and prepared to walk away...when one of them got up...and looked at me.

The eye contact could have broken the Great Wall of China!

With tears in her eyes, the woman said, "Thank you so much, and God bless you. Thank you...thank you."

A friend I used to play basketball with saw me, and approached shortly afterwards. He told me that God would bless me for what I did, and however much I truly pray that I do get what I need, NOTHING will impact me more...

Than the looks on their faces.